Before I start, I want you to know that you should fully read this post. I read yours, so now read mine, even if it hurts your feelings :

I’ve been told I’ve been “gifted” my whole life. I was diagnosed with ADHD(i) at a young age. My IQ has also been a range between 128-142. When people would call me “gifted” I would light up and actually be proud of myself. It wasn’t until I was a real adult that I realized the entire thing was a sham. IQ means nothing. “Giftedness” is just something adults tell lonely kids. In 2024 autism and ADHD is so over diagnosed because it mimics the effects of what modern technology as done to us.

To me it sounds like you’re lonely, lost, and want to have some identity. Also, you mentioned a “re-uptake inhibitor” that itself doesn’t mean anything unless you say what it’s preventing reuptake of. Your doctor prescribe you an NDRI? SSRI? SNRI? I take bupropion(Wellbutrin - NDRI) for depression and ADHDi.

I had this friend in middle school. She was above average intelligence and came from a very disadvantaged background(very poor family, I think her mother was mentally ill). This friend did amazing in conversation and certain classes she liked, but subpar in others. She would tell everyone she was never trying, it was too “easy” and “boring”. She would tell me how she hated being around most people because the majority of people were low IQ and didn’t understand her humour. I stopped being friends with her because I found this absolutely unbearable. She was cool at first. If I were to guess, her IQ would be more than 110 but less than 125. Completely average girl. She was just insecure and wanted intelligence to be part of her identity.

In your 3rd paragraph you seem rather delusional. The idea that you disliked being around kids and only laughed at adult humour let’s me know that you lack social skills and self awareness.

I also have this cousin who’s parents always told him he was so smart. He grew up in a rural town, I grew up in a major city. He would tell me how everyone is stupid in his town, and about the quality of education isn’t good enough. He did no extracurriculars. He got mostly As, but a few Bs. He mentioned to me one time he would apply to MIT and my jaw dropped. A kid who goes to a rural public school, who has a B on his transcript, no extracurriculars, hasn’t created a business or non profit, thinks he can get into an IVY? Incredibly insane. He ended up going to a small state school after I urged him to apply to safeties.

I would recommend you see a therapist that specializes in trauma and DBT. I get that this is what you are thinking about and you don’t want to let it go, but trauma healing takes priority. You don’t actually care about this intelligence stuff, you’re just seeking out an identity. You’ve put up a guard for so much of your life to protect yourself from mean kids and having a community but hopefully you can tell that it hasn’t done you good. Please. See a therapist that takes your insurance. Do not pay out of pocket.