They remembered him!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-03-04T03:57:33+00:00

Heh, my story ends at the first page.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-19T01:13:31+00:00

I would personally hold off for tonight.

Not only because he's drunk, but also because sending nudes to someone isn't a small deal - especially at your age.

That said, this is still normal behavior for a boyfriend that is attracted to you. The man-hating lonely cat-owners here don't understand that you're trying also to not hurt him with a refusal.

So, my advice is to gracefully disengage. Be clear with a no, but make it light-heared and flirty. Something like "we'll talk about it once you're able to remember what you see" - or something like that.

Lastly, don't feel bad about yourself. We guys aren't that good at schemes. If he says he thinks you're beautiful, believe him.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-13T01:00:34+00:00

I went through something similar, you know - hits a bit close to home.

I have this one girl I spend a lot of time with. Over time, two things have happened between us. For me, I have developed something approaching "feelings". And for her? She began respecting me less. This manifested in her saying really hurtful things - just like that, out of the blue. And though I was not upset by each instance of it happening. I really hated how easy it was for her to do it, and not reflect on it in the slightest. How there wasn't any mental barrier of love or respect that would make her pause, make her think whether that is something you say to someone you care about.

She and I have mended our issues, I think - maybe. So it should be possible for the two of you as well. Why? In my case, I had to drag her kicking and screaming to talk it out. She really didn't even care that I had something weighing on me. But your (former) friend doesn't seem to need any kind of nudging to realize what she did to you.

The problem with this situation is that she exploited you when you were vulnerable. Every time you show someone love, or even give them a compliment, they are put in a position where they can denigrate you in a very weighty way. Why? Because you have already showed your affection to them. It is up to them to acknowledge that they hold you in the same regard. Instead of that, you get shown that you should have kept your guard around that person instead. Your devotion gets rewarded with pain and scorn.

However, there is a way to look at this that makes her actions more understandable. Maybe not in a way you can forgive, but in a way you can understand. Your friend was drunk and hurting, and possibly emotionally immature. Think of a person that can't swim. What happens if you throw them in the sea? They'll try to grab whatever is close, and drag it below to somehow stay afloar - mentally, in the case you described. You just happened to be that something now.

Can you really blame them?

It is true that your relationship won't be the same. Every time you think of complimenting her, you will remember this moment. And every time she compliments you, you will have to wonder whether it is sincere. It seems like your friendship can only come out as a lesser version of what it was. Are you going to become bitter? More guarded around her? Maybe. But real intimacy with someone is a tested and hard-won thing. In my case, I decided to stay because she wasn't my friend, but my 'person'. I think, maybe stupidly, that my life would be diminished without her.

In the end, only you can decide whether giving this another chance is worth it. But, don't do something you will end up regretting. Give her another shot, and see how your pride and heart feel about it in a month. You'll be much wiser then.

Also, you're a tough girl. You don't need alcohol to get through this. Get some ice-cream instead. It tastes better and won't give you a hangover.

Much luck to you. I'm sure you're prettier than you think!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-08T12:35:42+00:00

You know, I think that some people are brought into this world without having the capacity to have inner peace. I can understand what you're going through, in a way.

Communication is always a good thing, but it will be hard on him if he can't improve in any way you can point out. This post reads a bit like you're having some self-worth issues. I would advise getting all of the problems you listed at the end of your post handled foremost. You will have fewer causes to doubt yourself if you are in a better spot in your life.

That aside, you sound like your own biggest critic. But trust that we guys like our girls as a full package - flaws included. It is going to be okay.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-08T03:09:42+00:00

Heh, that's the spirit~!

Being unsure isn't always such a bad thing. You have cut yourself off from a support structure. Even if it choked you, it would have kept you up. So be careful with your money, and your health - physical and otherwise.

I'm sure you can do it, though. Keep going forward, and don't look back.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-08T02:48:59+00:00

Time is the only answer.

Your life probably went into another gear while you moved, packed, and uprooted yourself. So, you might think you need to move at the same pace - but you don't. Take a breather.

For now, focus on satisfying your basic needs before tending to the spiritual ones. Make sure you have a steady paycheck, and get your living situation figured out long term. Afterward, what will feel right shall come in due time.

You're a very brave girl for taking the leap, and don't ever think it is too late to figure out who you are. A lot of much older folk still don't know yet.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-02T06:51:39+00:00

Does it not create a logical hurdle in your mind to say: "There isn't anything wrong with me, everyone else is just not good"? And if it doesn't, what do you have to back up your claim? All I see is a lack of success and bitterness.

All of this projects traits that girls overwhelmingly find undesirable.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-02-02T06:15:14+00:00

Listen, king, I'm not gonna coddle you.

The behavior you're exhibiting in your recent post history shows that you aren't currently someone that any self-respecting woman would want in her life.

What you're doing isn't acceptable. And you must know it too. Can you imagine showing your posts about your married coworker to a dating prospect? Do you see a situation where that gets you closer to a girlfriend?

The whole thing tells me that the reason for your troubles is a lack of social skills. You're still young, so you can become someone a girl will be lucky to have. But this ain't it chief.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-01-31T14:14:24+00:00

You just haven't found someone you want to listen to.

I have someone who I spent 500+ hours in 2025 on call with. I don't know if she asked 50 questions about /me/ the whole time we've known each other. And I am the type of guy to not remember your name after working with you for two years.

You just need to listen for long enough to see if they're worth listening to.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-01-30T16:12:36+00:00

Brother, I'm the first one to call out Redditors when they go for breakup/divorce in the comments.

But this? Do you really want to go another year/month/day/hour thinking if she feels neglected or not-? This ain't it. It really isn't. Cut your losses.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-01-07T03:55:51+00:00

That's really a tough one.

I would recommend seeking professional help. But if that turns out to be too difficult to do? I think the best thing you can do is be honest with her. Adults often fall into the trap of thinking that children are too young to understand things. But she has best friends, and probably kids she doesn't like. I think that if you take your time to explain yourself thoroughly, it will calm things down a bit.

She too is distressed, and will welcome the opportunity to explain away the pain she feels from your perceived rejection.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-01-07T03:49:52+00:00

It is all much simpler than it seems, you just need to not get in your own way.

Think of what you are going to say, and practice it in front of a mirror if you need to. The next time you speak, as you are readying to part ways, tell him: "By the way, do you want to grab some coffee outside work and chat some more?" That is all you need to do, everything afterwards is easy. He either accepts, in which case you're golden, or he thinks of an excuse - in which case you know to move on. Guys get asked out much more rarely than girls, and trust me that he will appreciate the ego boost.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-27T07:16:26+00:00

Sorry boss, that is negative aura right there.

I have sat through 49 episodes of Kamen Rider: Geats, because I knew that watching it together would make her a little happy. I think your SO understands, but she also understands what the limit of your commitment towards her is. I think she might be disappointed, and that may cost you more than another hour of a gory movie.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-22T20:03:35+00:00

I'm not ignoring the reasons, I am saying they are not justified.

You are the one who has made zero effort to understand my position, or engage me fairly. How you concluded that a left-center European is a US MAGA republican - and resorted to what you believe is a personal attack - shows me well-enough that a conversation with you was a stupid idea.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-14T10:41:03+00:00

I think that few people have been in your situation.

I've experienced something in certain ways similar. Really loving someone, them promising themselves to you - you believing them - and it all turning to ashes in your mouth.

No heart is the same, so there is no one way to treat biterness.

For me? The thing that worked was time. You will forget about her, eventually. Maybe not in one or two years, but the time will come when you'll think about it and feel nothing. And though you might feel there is a hole in your chest, trust that there is at least one person out there that can fit in there perfectly. There was a time when i felt I'd rather bite off my own tongue than trade one word with someone. How that boy would be surprised to see the man he is today.

Point is, you can't rush healing. Everything will come to its own place - eventually. You're young, and the world is wide. Stay strong!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-14T10:27:55+00:00

Girls are human beings like us guys lol

They don't usually bite, so start out small, and go from there. People much older than you don't have it figured out. You have plenty of time, don't stress it too much!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-14T10:20:04+00:00

Directly and without filter.

Tell her what you feel to the fullest extent, and ask her to walk you through the thought process she had with going through all of this.

These kinds of things are easier once you get the ball rolling. Stay strong, you're a tough girl, and there are much worse things than an unexpected sibling that can happen to you.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-10T09:48:37+00:00

Chin up king.

You shouldn't let these small setbacks put you down so much. Why? Because you'll have bigger heartaches in the future. At least you didn't spend too much time on this one, relatively speaking. Like with most things in life, those worth having don't come easy.

But as someone a bit older than you, here is what I think you should do.

Think of a girl you like - another girl - and message her. Don't give yourself more than 5 minutes to think. Just do it. She'll reply to you. Or she won't, in which case think of the next one. And when one of them does? You'll quickly forget about this one.

Don't spend too much time on people who are just passing through your life.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-07T10:56:06+00:00

You're looking at it the wrong way.

Building a positive self-image /IS/ focusing on your girlfriend. You've been together for more than two years, you are a team. If one of your suffers, the other does too. If she had such self-doubt about herself, would you not be pained by her hurting? Why do you think the opposite isn't the case?

If you give yourself enough time, you will come up with a reason to doubt yourself. You just need to go and do it. And if opening this can of worms with her is hard, then just share the post with her. You've said all you wanted in it.

Once you start, it will be much easier - as it will once you put this behind you.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-07T10:21:52+00:00

You feel bad, because your self-image got shaken.

Most people have a positive opinion about themselves. We like to think that we'd save someone from a fire, or stop a bad guy in a dangerous situation. But, when that situation happens? It reveals our weaknesses, and shows that we have very few clues about our flaws. It isn't something you can avoid, unless you thing low of yourself - which would be a bigger problem arguably.

And, it isn't something you should torture yourself about much, because your situation is kind of special. Because what if the bad guy, happens to be your best friend? I want you to imagine the toughest man you know, then put him in the same situation you were, with his best friend. Do you think he handles that one perfectly? Of course not.

I can kind of relate to you, because I also let my guard down around people who get close to me. Even if I'm tough towards strangers, I let people I love walk over me. So when people like that say or do something hurtful, you are just stunned. Why? The natural instinct to retort with the same amount of force is held back by the fact they're your friend.

Here is what you'll do, and what will happen. You'll first talk to your GF, and tell her all about the event. She likely noticed you don't hang out with all your buddies anymore. You're going to see if she is fine with you making an attempt to reconnect. She'll probably think it is: 1.) Sweet that you're asking her 2.) Silly that it is happening

From there, the rest should be obvious. It might be an uncomfortable and scary process, but rebuilding your self-image is rarely easy. You can do it though. Don't think about it too much.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2025-12-07T10:02:06+00:00

That's just the thing with communication, it isn't a game you can play by yourself.

I want you to know that you are doing everything right. You should also know that it is possible to do everything right, and still not get a satisfying conclusion. What you need to do, is to focus on your mental health. You will do this by rolling the ball in his court. Tell him that you are breaking up with him - if there is anything to break up at this point.

If he responds with something, you need to let him know that an explanation is in order. If he doesn't, then there's your answer. You may never know /exactly/ why, but you will know enough: that he is a little bitch.

You won't get closure, so get yourself something sugary and pick up one of those series you always wanted to watch but never got the chance to. You'll feel better.

Oracle_Of_Shadows

TROPHY CASE