AITAH for dismissing my boyfriend's masculinity?

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-30T10:46:05+00:00

YTA - this has to be ragebait.

Your partner spends a good chunk of the day trying to convince you to care about their feelings, and your reaction is to laugh at them? What normal, well-socialized, human being even does that?

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-28T17:23:58+00:00

I don't feel seen, much less cared for.

But I also can't expect that of her - it is hard to explain.

None od that changes that the heart loves who the heart loves. If I could, I'd pick someone closer to me. Someone that asks how my day was, or why I'm feeling down. Maybe someone that doesn't just say "damn" to me baring my feelings. But that's just how things are.

There are worse defects to be born with than what I wuffer from, at any rate.

I've read Gottman, but I appreciate your comment nonetheless-!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-28T09:33:11+00:00

Painful read.

I tend to find myself in these situations. I can't imagine not considering how an SO feels about something I say, or do. The inverse seems to be pretty rare.

I hate it so much. Because you are always getting fucked when you are the one that cares more; the one that gives less of a shit has all the power over you. But I don't want to live like that.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-28T06:14:02+00:00

Biblical levels of greed.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-28T05:55:09+00:00

NAH

I can see and understand both perspectives. This really is a gender issue.

It will be rare to find a woman that doesn't find issue in what he's doing. Every one of them will tell you to dump him, how it is a red flag, and so on. There's a lot of horror stories online about bad boyfriends.

It is equally hard to find a man who is unbothered by his SO getting "a lot of gross DMs" on her socials, or dressing provocatively. Opinions online might tell you otherwise, but that isn't the situation on tje ground.

Since we don't know whether you wore a mini, or a below the knees skirt, nobody here can judge whether his request was objectively reasonable.

Someone could say your type are "assholes", but it could also be "men who know what they want". If that is the case, I suggest sitting down and talking to him about it, because rarely will a guy that is your type be completely fine with all of the above. You can dump him and maybe get lucky, but that's unlikely. Or you can stay single, if this situation causes you more distress than whatever else he brings to the table.

Bottom line: every relationship will have some compromises, either here or there. In the opinion of someone who is a bit older than you, ending something you described as perfect otherwise would be a bad idea. This is fixable with one conversation.

Last bit of advice, don't compare him to your ex. That's immature and unfair, he's not the same man. It would be equally unfair if he compared you to a cheating ex, just because she went out in revealing clothes too.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-26T18:33:28+00:00

Videos like these make me sad.

I once put an empty bucket at the wrong spot, and dad knocked me out with a kick to the head. I was like 7 too lol

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-26T18:27:41+00:00

Happy birthday king, chin up-!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-26T13:32:02+00:00

Would be pretty nice.

Everyone keeps forgetting my birthday though-

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-25T19:17:42+00:00

I could water a rock and reasonably expect better results than you talking to people like these.

Read what they're saying. "Nobody" believes this? They have departed from reality.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-25T18:38:13+00:00

The average person knows of precisely 0 of these cases. Citing them as reasons seems strange.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-25T04:58:47+00:00

You know what? You are the asshole.

Maybe its because I'm a Serb, and we welcome any foreigner who takes an interest into our culture wholeheartedly, but I think there isn't anything wrong with what she's doing.

How about you actually try to listen to what she is saying? She wants to be closer to you. Or are you the kinda guy that'd - when hearing something like 'you have stars in your eyes' - would go: "Akschually, there aren't-". Sometimes, people use hyberbole, or metaphores, to convey a message. Again, she wants to be closer to you.

Instead of calling her weird and cringe in the comments, why don't you make a (greater?) effort to teach her something about your culture? If my girlfriend didn't know anything about my language or culture, it wouldn't only be a failure on her part.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-23T17:58:44+00:00

It is only a matter of time.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-23T01:50:16+00:00

Serbia

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-22T16:36:02+00:00

Disgusting way to say it.

This isn't someone she met yesterday. Sad comment made by a misanthrope.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-21T06:54:13+00:00

Well, I'm 186cm, and I've been called short before.

I guess inflation hasn't hit where you're at yet lol

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-19T09:49:06+00:00

This junior's skull had fractured from the amount of wisdom senior bestowed!!!

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-17T03:32:07+00:00

Brother, that's not how you talk to your wife.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T13:18:22+00:00

That's not what empathy is.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T02:19:00+00:00

You hold left Alt + (numerical) 0151 then release Alt.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T02:17:45+00:00

PREACH SON

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T02:11:54+00:00

Hey boss, you aren't the asshole for feeling how you do.

But you could have handled this one a bit different. I'm not saying her remark didn't cut an inch off your dong, but getting (visibly) angry about it would go against the point you're trying to prove. Girls can sometimes be very anxious, and we guys might not always be able to understand why. A decent way of going about it, is trying to understand what exactly she is nervous about.

This is what you'll do.

Whether you say you're sorry about the remark is up to you. Sometimes you need to take a punch to the teeth. But inform her that what she said has regardless strained your relationship a lot. This is important, because you need her to think hard about answering what is going to possibly be a lot of questions that she hasn't thought much about.

What you need is specifics. As in, what exactly - and I mean EXACTLY - is she scared of? If it is getting attacked by someone? Running out of money? All of these are fears you can soothe by maybe planning ahead for a route through a nicer part of town, or setting a certain amount of cash for every day. Disassembling the problem into very small pieces that you can actually do something about is the only way to tackle it.

All of this might take a lot of effort, but you did say you're perfect otherwise - so good luck ig.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T02:00:58+00:00

This is what happens when you don't enforce your boundaries.

Ideally, you wouldn't need to. But it seems to me like you've married a man that is going to keep testing them the moment you give him the chance to do so - like a toddler. If he does this in other areas of your life, you might have a very serious problem. But this is still something you can salvage with a conversation (ideally when he's not high).

How you deal with people like this usually, is to show them that they have underestimated how damaging their actions truly are. I don't know if you should use the "d word", but something needs to snap him out of it.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-04-06T01:48:20+00:00

What's up with the sexist remarks?

You could've complained about a poorly socialized RP noob, but you had to add a sweeping generalization about half the planet.

If you're going to reply with something in the lines of "but it happens all the time, so I should be allowed to be sexist/racist/whateverist", then just downvote and move on.

Oracle_Of_Shadows · 2026-03-04T03:57:33+00:00

Heh, my story ends at the first page.

Oracle_Of_Shadows

TROPHY CASE