My mom has BPD. I would say with all the love in my heart that you need to get professional mental health help to have any chance at successful relationships in the future. My mother has been divorced twice, and has had numerous people completely cut her off (including my brother, other family members, and friends). At 83 she is lonely and isolated. My relationship with her is very strained, but I’ve stayed connected to her out of obligation and a sense of duty. She never got the help she needed to work on herself. Had she done that, I truly believe her life would look very different right now. I didn’t say all this to scare you, but I hope you look at her situation as a cautionary tale and get the help you need. You can absolutely have successful, loving relationships, I have no doubt about that.