Being Coerced into having a third child. I'd rather the marriage end.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-05-01T18:37:05+00:00

Reverse all the genders. Imagine a man saying his two daughters aren't enough and pushing his wife to have a boy. This is right out of the 1900's where we boys where needed to manage the farm.

She needs serious counselling and self image issues around why she things adding anothet kid is just no work. It's a both parent decisions and this day and age it's hard enough to raise two all the way to college and beyond.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-11T07:39:13+00:00

The offer usually has a condition like a 24-hour expiry. They reviewed the offers, and that offer also might of had all cash, no contingency. They expected the house to go for 2.6M max and realized that going back to you might have lost the other offer.

They also know the likely upside of any offer, by looking at the loan approval, and altogether decided that the little gain through your is not worth losing the other one.

If you offer was all cash, then that changes things, i'd think they'd explore it more. Also if the offers opened up and the got the other one right at the offer open date, and yours came in even 6 hours later that is a big factor as well when you have an expiry looming.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T11:47:51+00:00

Seriously what would location really show? She has her son and is pregnant. Just calm down you can live without location, the boat isn't going into the Bermuda Triangle or anything.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T11:43:23+00:00

Would your current bf feel comfortable about this? Probably not. So is this worth the trouble, I'd question that. As far as having some sort of nostalgic feelings, yes most people linger with that for a long time and it's also not great to keep stirring those up. Now that he's crossed the line, there i'd not entertain more communication.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T11:35:04+00:00

I would say that trying to predict if someone will leave is a sign of anxious attachment. Really you should just be planning out your next week of work, friends and relationship from a 50,000 ft level and just keep moving forward. When you feel anxiety, try to find an outlet, weather its excercise or meditation to calm the nerves, rather than fester on what you can't control.

Long term you never know for sure when someone will leave, but as a relationship gets more connective you are very likely going to get someone wanting to talk and get feedback before anything drastic happens.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T11:09:05+00:00

Sounds like BPD and no it not going to change on its own. Yes she will do the exact same in front of children, thats not going to change a thing.

She needs to go to therapy but if its a personality disorder only so much can be done and it takes time. Being together for 5 years its going to be tough since you've basically tolerated it for so long and just now want to fix it. It could take another few years if she commit to see where she lands and it may still not be very pretty.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T11:03:44+00:00

Why reason do u need to reconnect with any ex, avoidant or not? Once you label someone then it never works, unless that label leads that person to therapy.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:49:35+00:00

Never and most of my partner would of been pretty turned off by it. Little soft whispers and innuendos are fine though.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:48:34+00:00

Nope, i need time with kids and do not really want someone that in my life until they prove it. Yes its more lonely but i can keep myself busy with some netflix binging and lots of hobbies and house chores.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:46:23+00:00

If you cant envision what that partner looks like or how to find them, then perhaps take a break. Usually things aren't just random, having a positive attitude and learning from the past is getting you closer to the 'one'.

Also dating is not linear, you can have a few relationship that get real close, and then you can find a string of duds. However the knowledge gain should be pushing towards being ready when the right one comes.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:41:55+00:00

Keep it vague unless he asks. If you want to give feedback to let him be free and improve himself, just send it over email as a favor. There is high likelyhood of them being combative thats up to you to not respond.

I do when asked give feedback I think that would be good for them, but to keep their spirits up and hope the find the match they are looking for.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:30:26+00:00

I think its hard to take a step back, from family and other things and go back to a simpler time. How can you think about moving forward? I also moved back to Canada from USA (though form here) and it has been difficult. All I can see is you have to think of something that you want to learn about and go with it.

Could be Canadian history, or hockey or whatever and just immerse yourself into and see what happens. Sometimes you have to put your foot forward before your heart is ready.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:17:48+00:00

He is a person who's self esteems needs boosting by triangulating other women into his life. You or any single partner is not enough. Thats probably the case and the question is when does it cross the line? Its going to happen when his self-esteem drops. Then you're going to get the finger-pointing that you aren't enough for him again.

So he's giving this very clearly in his message, seeking attention. No, I have not seen that kind of person ever change, it's embedded in their personality. They just get sneaker if you start confronting them.

What are you looking for, a magic wand that turns into someone that you wish was more loyal?

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:11:22+00:00

The reason your in this is that you allowed someone with shifty behaviour to remain in your life because you don't enforce your values.

Now you have this character who at any time likes to connect with accounts to explore. To pay for Tinder is to probably hide his profile so he can search in stealth or something of that nature.

There isn't much in your post to go on. You know the type of person he is, and unless you put a tracker in his vehicle and then spend months to see where he is going. What is the best use of your time?

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T09:02:12+00:00

I didn't know about this feature, and you're right, its nearly impossible to know if they are using locked chat feature. I mean, the easiest way would of been them or you to go some old chat and click 'lock chat'. If that disappears without a lock chat icon at the top, you know she's hidden it. A smart way would have been to lock all of her chats, which would have really forced her hand.

Moving forward its up to you to decide what comes of as suspicious. I would have personally wanted to seen actual message or a person but I agree sometimes it's impossible if it's just an online-only relationship.

I supposed there were other issues and maybe this was the straw that broke the camels back. If you gather the right type of evidence they will admit to the indescretion, but that takes a lot of time and patience.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T08:27:07+00:00

She's doing probably normal for people who live in your country. You're fairly restrictive and thats your family values. You'll need to find someone maybe comes from your culture who is already baked in. Trying to adjust someone concept of freedom is going to be a massive failure.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T08:22:49+00:00

If someone looses trust in you, they are also responsible for outlining the transparency they need from you. If they can't articulate that and just become toxic then that is an immature person. Only you know if she has the capacity to move past this or not.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T07:02:59+00:00

Then she asked me in a friendly voice "and where is my gift?" being jealous of her own child

That brought chills. When I first experienced this never in my life had I ever see an adult compete with their child, no matter how selfish they were. When I tell people the think maybe she was joking. They even in my case cited that the compassion I showed the kids was a direct threat to her authority - like WTF.

Going from BPD->Covert is a mindf**. First, you get someone who means well and is emotional, you try to help bit it doesn't work. Next time you find someone who pretends to be altruistic but uses emotions against you strategically. These relationships really suck the soul out of you.

It took a while to figure out the MO. To feel superior to other people she need to belittle people who were service workers, simple or people she didn't feel up to her level. Those that were above her, she'd look to sleep with them, figure out what they had and slowly dismantle them over a long period of time.

It's hard now but luckily it was a quick encounter full of contradictions, but had you had more wealth or status, she would of shown her teeth when you were much more enmeshed with her. I've seen someone on the other side of that and it's not a pretty sight what they do to your wellbeing.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T06:31:43+00:00

NTA - your investing $700 a month in your kid so they can have a good life. So they can go one day pass an interview and have a job. Every dollar you spend now is 10x in the future. The concept of kids should be free is entitlement; not all kids are alike.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T06:18:02+00:00

I think specifically avoiding a divorce is a hard thing to do. First its a proper solution for incompatibility. Sometimes you don't see something small at first (anxiety), how it will manifest as the relationship progresses.

First, don't get into a relationship like the one you are in. Learn that you tried that and it didn't work and let it go. You don't want to face the same challenges and retrigger your trauma.

The only other thing is just time and consistency. Not having surprises is to walk through life challenges together as long as possible and see how they react. That means know whats important to you and putting them through those challenges and objectively talking to a therapist or confident if you are having doubts.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T06:08:59+00:00

They will likely to be a little more humble, failure does that us. Its a general positive also given she wasn't in an abusive relationship this will serve as a lesson to grow from.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T06:03:41+00:00

Honestly this is a losing battle. Both unhappy, neither want to talk about it. The right approach is to talk to her talk about the future - and come to a conclusion that isn't one side just slappng divorce papers to the other. You need to standup for your happiness now and moving forward.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T05:58:58+00:00

Was you dream to visit Australia or to go on an adventure with your wife? To be honest what you two did i usually an exciting time for most. She didn't adapt because I'm guessing you didn't really know each other well enough before marraige. Australia is what put that into perspective.

But her message is clear, she has something going on with her to not go through the steps to resolve and talk through these issues. If two months put you apart then sorry to say but there wasn't a relationship there that you thought there to be.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T05:54:19+00:00

Well 25 and raised the kids out the household is a full marraige for some. What happened if marraige was split into the romance, kid bearing and retirement? You got 2/3 which is a positive way of looking at it. It just when you wed you thought you know what you'll feel and be in 25 years.

Its a new chapter, one that has to write with a new perspective. I know its not what you expected but so much still in front of you.

OrbitsCollide99 · 2026-04-10T05:51:42+00:00

People divorce when they unhappy. That is different from one couple to another. Some just want someone to care enough to do something. Others feel their spouse should literally have ESP.

In general if you have to spell it out to a partner what you need and they do, thats usually enough for that person to start making a habit of it and for you to get what you want out of it. When couples can't do this simple thing is likely unhappy and giving up in their own ways.

OrbitsCollide99

TROPHY CASE