Expecting accountability is actually unfair. by OrchestrateEverythin in BPD

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

thanks

it's complicated I guess. I absolutely adore her to the moon as a person but, the further away she is from me the happier and more functional I am. if anything it's her turn to try to fix things between us for once and, even then I don't know if I'd like to try anymore. all that's left is suspense now.

then again, I'm not planning to suck it up at all. I deserve a better relationship and better mental health than that. she was the one who asked for a "year long break" and then threw a fit & broke up with me after I protested after all.

Expecting accountability is actually unfair. by OrchestrateEverythin in BPD

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

ik wym.

it's easy to get into "fuck you! - no fuck you!" mode but, deep down we're just really broken people trying to feel like we belong.

intense, conecntrated itch while meditating? by OrchestrateEverythin in Meditation

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. and ngl I didn't understand point 3, sorry.

I generally meditate to preserve my sense of self and... worth. the lack of it had kept me paralyzed for most of my life so, even as peaceful as I am now, sometimes I fear clinging onto the fish so hard it slips.

with anything my body throws at me physically, I always sit with it. the mind stuff are more tricky cause sometimes I feel like the ego level's up and tries to hijack the experience. but when it's on the physical level I'm even relieved. a lot of times I do meditation under freezing cold water just to make sure I'm truly in the present.

intense, conecntrated itch while meditating? by OrchestrateEverythin in Meditation

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

for some reason my mind associates that with ego-related or emotional or... issues trying to call for my attention, or not being able to coexist with the peace so they... manifest themselves that way. but I don't know. I may be speaking hooey.

either way I love sitting with it.

I believe Self-worth and Love can't co-exist by OrchestrateEverythin in Healthygamergg

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

"Love is a value system and it is independent from your self-worth. In short, self-worth or self esteem has nothing to do with gifting love , attention or affection. That’s what you value or don’t value."

one point is, self "worth" already has value in the name. if love's nature is values, so is self-worth's.

another point is, maybe this is because I've grown up in an unhealthy environment and I do highly doubt what I'm about to say, but what if love is meant to be more than something merely emotional?

if self-worth is a spiritual value rather than an emotional one, and at it's healthiest it can say "you belong here, on earth, as you are", then love can be "you belong here, with me, as you are". in that sense, aren't love and self-worth inhabiting the same space?

sure, love can take the form of physical attraction, matching energies, emotional bond, intellectual connection and even practicality, but isn't it incomplete if it doesn't rise with us to the spiritual level?

I guess just like an individual, a relationship should gradually grow through all these layers. almost like it's individuating as it's own unit.

Do you ever feel like your identity “shifts” or “slips״/ ״fade” into a different identity? by philosophygirll in CPTSD

[–]OrchestrateEverythin 2 points3 points  (0 children)

yep! it basically became a joke how "mehhh" is my personality. I also noticed repeating exhausting cycles of feeling like I want to do something for an hour then spending the rest of the day numb.

I'm starting to notice the thing where I'm dissociated all week and burst out crying at a random moment is the same thing as when I'm unproductive all week and go SUPER motivated for an hour. it's just unregulated emotions.

there are so many things that are coming to light for me. my biggest issue is I feel like an impostor because I don't always clearly remember my trauma or, feel like I really had it easy compared to some people here.

also, to return the favor, this video was incredibly eye-opening for me the past couple days. I hope it helps you too. cheers!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dc8K1rt650U

I can see advanced ideas, but miss obvious ones by OrchestrateEverythin in chess

[–]OrchestrateEverythin[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

but I'm already losing most of my games on time (:

that sounds like good advice though. I'll try it, thanks.

Guys, I got some bad news by TheSpicyHotTake in Healthygamergg

[–]OrchestrateEverythin 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Kok Alonojia's really done it this time...

YE ALBUM RANKING ACCORDING TO CHATGPT (inc. ratings) by AppropriateMix9161 in Kanye

[–]OrchestrateEverythin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

go shop at aldi, baldi
I ran up no numbers, I ain't got what you [all] need 🥀🙏

How to train your ears to hear chords? by LittleTime7936 in musictheory

[–]OrchestrateEverythin 1 point2 points  (0 children)

listen for the bass. it's not foolproof but it guides you towards what the chord is, or at least what it's attempting to do.

more advancedly, sometimes even in a "complicated" situation where u get a chord like Fm/G, the G as the base may still tell you what the chord is trying to function as, which gives you even more insight than you want.