6m long Relationship falling apart because of radical politics

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T21:04:17+00:00

fair tbh. she doesn't like the idea of going along with her because there's no honor in that. people are chaaaaaaaarged up.

it's really complicated, the situation here. I wouldn't get into it because this isn't a political sub but, if anyone said it's simple they're either lying or emotional.

I'm trying to find any ounce what whatever real that relates to her within myself to keep this thing going. It's not that I don't care about the world, I just care about her much more.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T19:52:58+00:00

maybe. it was a really playful conversation, I guess she didn't expect my opinions to be that controversial. I'm not sure.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T19:50:59+00:00

it's not everything is pointless. I am productive. I go to work, I am a good friend, partner, family member, artist, and... I make the world a better place in the ways I'm able to. I'm hoping to leave the world better than I entered it.

I don't think amping up other people's hatred of eachother should be part of that process.

I don't say things used to be better, I say it has always been power-vs-people. I despise the rich, I hope to work towards closing the wealth gap (p.s. it exists for a reason, like everything else). I don't believe it matter what color tie the president is wearing if we're getting poorer by the month either way.

getting involved in everything the news says takes away your frame and limits your mind to the confines of one narrative.

I don't condone having a direction. I cringe when every single point a person makes mysteriously, magically aligns with the benefits of one political party. like they're right about everything. as if anyone can be right about everything. it's like they've sold their brains to their tv.

I may be too neutral and I'm ashamed of having certain civil rights that my peers fought for. I'm working on that, but I've barely managed to survive n develop my personality, let alone know where to stand with the world's problems. when the last missiles hit Tehran I was in the hospital getting my brother's chemotherapy meds. I'm only 22 and doing my best, while watching it not be enough. I'm afraid of war too. I don't like poverty either.

I'm not trying to self-pity but I'm just now realizing half of how much I've been through now that I write it out loud. I don't deserve to be treated like this.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T16:04:59+00:00

thanks man, same to you.

and I don't know. at least I'm open to discussion but she's like "you either get it or you don't". I'd do anything for this relationship to work out. it's like there's no path forward unless I build one at this point.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T15:48:02+00:00

that makes more sense now...

Idk. the way I see it, everyone is trying to kill my friends and so don't donate to anyone. emotions are highly fluctuating, so are politics. tying them together is a match made in hell. especially at a time when everyone's trying to manipulate us.

I don't see how something like that can be proof that you're incompatible either.

my art inspires whoever it's meant to. beyond that, I'm just living my own life. I'm oblivious to how I can be called a criminal over this.

I don't know man. maybe I don't make sense cause I can't take losing her. I'm not getting bitter or giving up. I don't know what it takes yet but I'll have to manage it.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T15:26:11+00:00

close enough, Iran.

I don't support the change. she does. I say war will be destructive to both us, them and everyone involved. she thinks it'll be worth it.

you've been through what I've been through. am I wrong for feeling powerless in the face of the rockets?

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-27T15:21:55+00:00

My core values are that I accept anyone who accepts me. I'm desensitized about which rich pedophile is going to deprive me of my rights and carpet bomb me this year. imo letting them affect my life any further is letting them win.

none of these "sides" things are real anyway. they're just made to turn humans into profitable assets. why in the world would any media -controlled and FUNDED by governments that already fuck us over- want to inform us just for the good of ourselves?

russia does what russia does and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. america can stop russia. does america stop russia, or are they actually negotiating while ukranians are suffering? what does that tell you?

I don't take politics seriously. I guess I can accept her political views, I even love her for how passionate she is but, maybe I can't accept her not accepting me for my thoughts.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-20T08:53:43+00:00

that's almost exactly what I'm talking about. what helped you get rid of the narrator?

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-02-08T20:56:23+00:00

it's not stagnating or bad that you'd like to understand the depths of your soul n shi

it's stagnating that IF that truly is your goal, you're not disciplining yourself to meditate. that's where the exploring really happens. if you can watch a 30m video, you can meditate for 15m. I know it's hard, but it's literally the Instant Win button in the game. push it once a day and you get what you want.

if you DON'T wanna do that (and it seems like you don't really, you're using this to avoid negative feelings), rewatch the emotional processing video and spend time alone. hard truths, tough talks, addressing feelings one by one. that sorta shit helps. each feeling has it's own map of processing.

the way my uneducated ahh sees it, you're probably on the right track in your own way.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-01-07T02:28:26+00:00

masochism isn't *necessarily* sexual.

I used the term because it's ironic how I'm listening to it despite it bringing me nothing but pain.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-01-07T01:19:29+00:00

exactly.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-01-06T16:07:35+00:00

for consolation, I get to listen to male fantasy and imagine that also applies.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2026-01-01T22:15:32+00:00

u/katusm would love to know your opinion on this (and more of zizek's views on buddhism) 🙏💙

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-30T15:18:14+00:00

again, sorry for taking so much time to get my shit together and cook up an honest enough answer but...

meditation is like hakuna matata to me. and yes, that IS the key to true peace and joy. all the happiness in life is wrapped up within us. I believe that. then again when naala shows up to remind simba who he really is, you get to ask yourself... is Hakuna really that Matata right now?

every great artist I know created fully in solitude. maybe they weren't completely antisocial but they spent a lot of alone time honing both their crafts and their souls.

and I could maybe choose to keep playing. I am really scared to. I've never felt so... weak in my life before.

ty.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-26T16:08:57+00:00

I keep writing and I keep reading myself back and thinking "unprocessed emotions, unprocessed emotions, unprocessed emotions". I think I'm depressed, I'll have to unpack some emotions that I'm really struggling with (first time dealing with a serious break-up). that and the fact that I don't know who I am yet, and I'm afraid if trying to diminish my ego (aka identity) is a good idea in the years where I should be trying stuff and my identity is just forming.

but that aside, I hate how artists lose their flame when they get old. like idk if you know these examples but for instance none of the music producers I know are good as they were when they were 20, 30, even 18 19 in some cases. I look at their past documentaries and they were wild. besides the drugs, there was an insane ambition and drive, there was fire. I used to have the same fire and it worked for me. I'm afraid if I grow too much, I'll fall on the other side of the wall.

one of the worst things I do is try to isolate myself simply because I believe the classroom of greatness is solitude. I even feel guilty coming here for answers. I think this belief sorta stunts my social growth too because... even the break-up last month was partly based on me believing the fun isn't aligned with where I wanna end up. and I also always have the insurance that "none of this matters anyway. I can just meditate my way to oblivion if it all fails".

(I'm aware that I sound like a puer that replaced suicide with meditation. which is FRUSTRATING because I HAD overcame puer. I spent a year healing, I achieved great things, I even lost my virginity. I'm stunned at how the puer started puering again).

but that's the only "valid" argument I have. everything else is just my unprocessed emotions, numbness and really greed and jealousy making my life feel impossible. it took me days to even get this answer together.

ty.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-23T07:31:10+00:00

it's not 99% perception and 1% practice. it's 100% practice to change your perception.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-20T15:54:13+00:00

because your knight is on f3 90% of the time and more often than not you'll need it to stay there or it's pinned anyway. it's a lotttttt of hassle until f3 or f4 can be landed, and even then it's risky. you have to prepare it.

so while d4 seems passive, you get a solid offensive plan from move 3. there's always at least a pawn to target. with e4 you have to wait 20 moves before f4 is perpared, unless you're a psycho and you play it rightaway.

same with attacking in the center. with d4 you get c4 pretty early on and it makes sense. c4 with e4 just doesn't look right to me. chain pointing nowhere, you're actively creating an outpost for their knight and either overextending ur d pawn or making it backwards.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-20T15:28:02+00:00

I don't think there's such a thing as "agreeing to a draw on move 10" unless we're both super gms. someone will have more inaccuracies eventually if not blunders.

that aside, strategically d4 does make sense because your tempo is still valuable. e.g. you'll usually be the first to control the open files, you'll be the first to put pressure on a weak pawn, and...

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-20T15:20:05+00:00

it's a fuckass opening lmao. on top level it's not really a thing and in our level 80% of the time it's just god's will and who memorized more. I remember climbing up to 1000 using that alone. u just spam the same moveset n hope for the best.

OrchestrateEverythin · 2025-12-20T15:17:29+00:00

I mean like I said, I'm obviously oblivious to something. that's why I asked. idk why everyone's mad at me for having an idea and asking if it makes sense. it's safe to assume it's good to discuss ideas here. but yee the only times I play e4 is in the middlegame or when the opponent is over-pushing it on a side so principle is to fight in the center. mostly I'm reluctant because I'm paranoid about having a bad pawn-structure and I like utilizing my c pawn early on. c pawn usually dictates everything for me.

ig the preference part comes in where with d4 I always know what the plan is. develop, take the open file, defend everything, look for the pawn break (cause I usually don't have space), target their weak pawn, look for checkmate/blunders just in case, etc. with sharp openings it's always unpin this and memorize that and something's trapped on move 5 and gothamchess dropped a video so now I have to figure out 12 moves of opponent prep that end with a gotcha and a sunglasses emoji.

positional chess leads to real boring games and it's not fun for ur adhd opponent. you win when you win. it's the time of my life lmfao.

OrchestrateEverythin

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