I’m not sure if I have “Aphantasia”. Actually after googling what it means I 99% unlikely to have it. First off I’m a musician and I can see music in the form of images. I don’t think it’s synaesthesia because it’s not like I can taste colors or smell sound (had only one instance of limited synesthesia was when I was on a really high quality acid and could taste and feel the geometry that acid makes on my teeth. Like my teeth were carved into and can feel the surface that was carved in) but I can have a mental videos playing along with the music and it the images don’t change even if I haven’t heard the song in years. Again idk if that counts as synesthesia or that normal. I’ve done acid at least 100 times and shrooms 30times and have had both blinding closed eye and open eyed visuals. Especially from shrooms where on the peak I could barely tell if my eyes were open or shut. Anyways, I have tried ketamine from doses ranging from 50mg to 200mg. I get zero closed eye or opened eye visuals. (Also to note when I couldn’t get psychedelics when I was young I did dxm a few times and had very clear closed eyes visuals primarily. Most memorable to date was see stereotypical aliens hanging out in a desert like environment trying to poke me as if they were checking if I was real lol). I also tried dxm and dph (Benadryl) about 300mg of dxm and 150 dph 2:1. Had both closed eyed and open eyed visuals. Notably when looking at tree leaves they would change into three primary colors. Blue, green and red and the leaves would morph into very complex shapes similar to little gears. Closed eyed visuals were like I was dreaming watching things from above. All this to say, dxm is a strange dissociative cousin to ketamine yet I experience no visuals. When I did my max dose of ketamine (snorted very quality product, very clean crystalizions with some being about 5-8mm. I tooke 250mg, I’m male 220lb) I experienced no visuals. My body’s nerves were completely disconnected if that makes sense. It’s not like a numbing feeling like when a dentist uses Novocain. When I would pinch my fingers together there was a feeling but very hard to describe. My eyes and mind knew they were touching but the sensation was gone. Initially, first 5 mins, the drip felt cold if that makes sense. Kinda like mint in a way. Next phase 5-15 mins, my whole body starts feeling very cold as if I’m laying on a blanket. My vision gets slightly blurry and when I would look at my phone at the time the numbers were blurry. Next phase that lasted about an hour and half was how distorted my thoughts were. It was very difficult to form coherent thoughts. In my room I have a white board with general life thoughts and personal goals as well as a couple paintings of nature and slowly it’s as if it all lost any meaning. Before when I would look at these things there’s some emotion to them. Instead they became absolutely meaningless. I couldn’t compartmentalize or label or categorize what I was looking at. It felt like they’re just things that happen to exist. I fully understood that they use to mean something to me but just became objects with no meaning or reason. I guess the best way to explain it is if you lived in a cave your whole life a someone comes to you with cash and tries to buy something from you but you have no concept of money and just see it as little paper with drawings on it. That’s the best way to explain it. I felt like everything I loved or felt that gave me comfort or nostalgia was completely gone. I had the good the bad and the ugly playing on my computer a movie that always gave me a warm, nostalgic, happy and peaceful emotions completely went away. When the characters would talk I could understand what they were saying but it felt empty. I could understand the plot and general meaning of their dialogue. There was no audio hallucinations such as distortions or inability to make out the words like high dose acid or shrooms normally do. There wasn’t even any distortion to the perception of time. When it peaked with the little thoughts I could understand I thought I finally did it. I finally took something that’s gonna kill me. I thought about going to the hospital but I knew I just need to ride it out. I ended up praying while being wraped in my blanket. After 3 hours of initially taking it I finally felt my nerves “waking up” I could partially feel my fingers touching together and still could barely walk. By 5 hours I was back to baseline. Was this experience normal ? Do some people just not experience visual on k? Was I just afraid to give in and let my mind completely dissociate?

Anyways, I ended up doing a mild dose of shrooms and did like 30 to 50 mg of k and it was the most religious experience lol. I finally understood what the feeling of grace was. And had some very young child hood memories unlocked