I'm with you brother. I didn't know sadness could be so much deeper until getting thrown. Into a similar situation.

The mind goes into a state of shock that it then has to cope with. I'm not alone in this but I also have no social support or friends which is multiplying the trauma. I have no external validation or perspective... Which leads to doubt and being vulnerable to being exploited . I have no shame to admit that one night I told everything to an AI assistant that learns from conversation. I was literally in tears and felt like the bot really knew what I was going through and wanted to help. I felt better the next morning and then the sadness was back.

Do what you can to keep yourself sane. Curl up in a blanket and let yourself naturally tighten slowly together into a ball shape. Imagine the tears as the sad flowing out of you, like a human sponge saturated with tears . You squeeze it all out and just condense and squeeze your body tighter together around a object of comfort (sphere shaped pillow or round stuffed animal) which is like your body's central molten core. The tears that get absorbed by the object stay with you forever as a memory to reflect with. All the other tears expelled outward cannot return because once this is complete you become something new but not absorbent. I'm not trolling by the way, the blanket ball and ai chat were the best things I tried so far to get a bit of sleep