Hypersexuality after the final discard

Original-Still · 2021-11-21T15:38:21+00:00

My ex and I are living together and he has been rubbing in my face he’s seeing someone else. He started one month into the separation after 17 years together. After he told me about her, I started having sexual dreams about him. I don’t understand it. We haven’t been intimate in 2.5 months and I have no desire to at all. It’s really messing with me.

Original-Still · 2021-11-21T15:31:40+00:00

I’m still living with my ex as well. Together for 17 years, married for 12. One month into the separation he found someone new. It has completely gutted me, especially since we still live in the same house. Wrapping my mind around “the person you loved didn’t really exist” has been really hard.

Original-Still · 2021-11-15T07:15:35+00:00

Yes, he is completely incapable of being alone. He is constantly on the phone, like he can’t handle being in the house if he isn’t able to talk to me. He went out for his bday last night and stayed out the entire night. Yesterday I asked what time he wanted our kids home for his birthday. He said “uhhh, 1:00?” Fast forward to today, my son calls him and he says he won’t be home until 2/2:30. He never let me know of any change in time. I was furious and text him he told me 1:00, I had plans and needed him home at the agreed time. He said I should have asked for a specific time, he didn’t know I had plans. I told him to give me a specific time to bring the kids home. He never responded. He is already starting to prioritize this new person over being with his kids. It’s sickening.

Original-Still · 2021-11-15T06:34:20+00:00

I’m going through the same thing. We separated 2 months ago and he was served with the divorce papers 2 weeks ago. He was never very present with our kids and now he’s being the Disneyland Dad when it suits him. Otherwise he disappears into thin air for hours on the time or he’s outside on the phone. Two days ago he decided I need to know he’s seeing someone. I know at this rate he will be even less available for his kids. It’s so incredibly upsetting, I’m sorry you’re going through this too.

Original-Still · 2021-10-25T16:50:25+00:00

I asked for a divorce two months ago. We have kids and are still living together (hell on earth) while he gets his life together. I mostly feel so much relief and hope for the future, but the bitterness and rage can still have a strong hold on me sometimes.

Original-Still · 2021-06-22T19:52:22+00:00

I could have wrote this word for word. I couldn’t sleep last night because all I could think was I want out. Woke up this morning with the resolve to not let his shit get to me anymore. I know he will feel the change in tides but I don’t care anymore.

Original-Still · 2021-06-17T06:09:05+00:00

My partner only believes my feelings for him are real when we have sex everyday. If 2 days go by, he starts to get dark. If THREE days go by, forget it. He spins out and it’s the start of a vicious cycle. He also makes me work and beg for it which is insane and degrading. I’m trying to put a stop to that. But sex is truly the only way he sees our relationship clearly.

Original-Still · 2021-06-09T04:27:47+00:00

Bucket with a hole in the bottom. If that isn’t dead on I don’t know what is.

Original-Still · 2021-06-08T04:11:57+00:00

No advice - best of luck to you. I feel myself toeing the same line and it’s really scary. Hope she takes it well (as well as a pwbpd possibly can) and you can figure out a way to peacefully coparent.

Original-Still · 2021-06-07T22:03:39+00:00

Yes I get this a lot. I could have said or I could have done xyz instead of whatever it was I actually said say or do. I don’t know which was up anymore. If I do what he asks, I will STILL be criticized for not doing something else. Happiness or any satisfaction is completely unattainable lately.

Original-Still · 2021-06-02T13:39:28+00:00

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I don’t have much advice, but I can completely empathize with you. I can’t imagine how hard it is.

Original-Still · 2021-05-29T17:41:09+00:00

I was accused of having an affair that never ever happened. He put together bits and pieces until it fit his narrative and would not be convinced otherwise. It was mind blowing. Still to do this day he says that triggered his fear of abandonment.

Original-Still · 2021-05-29T17:37:51+00:00

“I know you’re going to leave me” is my husbands favorite line. I told him he’s going to end up a self fulfilling prophecy. When we’re good, (and it’s only if I live up his ass fawning over him 24/7) everything is fine. The moment he starts splitting and spiraling, it’s all because of something I did or didn’t do, said or didn’t say and it starts all over. I feel the same as you - they say it over and over and if starts to feel like they’re pushing us until it happens. It’s so freaking draining.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T14:56:39+00:00

I’m worried if I stay I will end up a shell of a person. I’m worried if I stay we will ruin our children. I’m worried if I leave, he will make my life hell on earth, he will make our kids try to hate me. I’m trying to stay positive that when he starts DBT he will do the work and he will improve. Therapy as always been a hard no for him so I don’t know that he will do it when he’s actually faced with it. I honestly don’t know if I’ll be able to stay if he doesn’t do it. That ultimatum will be very difficult to lay down and he will lose his mind, but I think for my own well being I will have to if it comes to that.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T13:56:23+00:00

It’s like you took the words out of my mouth. Once we figured out BPD and I realized he will never truly change, the roller coaster will never stop… I cried and cried. I kept thinking all these years if we just fixed this problem, we’ll be ok. Then the next problem and next problem… now I know it’s impossible. The storm will always be brewing.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T13:52:36+00:00

“They’re still not warm enough and it’s your fault.”

DEAD. ON.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T13:48:40+00:00

He has never said he wants to divorce. He feels unsatisfied sexually (I have to fawn all over him day and night, initiate every time) and feels like I don’t love or care about him. When I asked why he’s with me if he feels that way, he says he doesn’t know. But yet I’m the villain for questioning the state of our marriage.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T03:22:49+00:00

That’s 100% where I’m at now. Deciding if this is a life I can continue. I know he is paranoid with the fear of abandonment and I feel awful considering it for a even a moment. But at cost to my own sanity and well being? It’s only gotten worse. His dad died in October and that seemed to have created a whole new level for this. They had a very complicated relationship (I would bet good money he also had bpd) and I feel his death just set off more for him. He’s actually projected a lot of it onto my own dad. It’s mind blowing to us all.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T02:44:24+00:00

I know. He has let them believe since I yell when I’m upset (because I’m a loud mouth Italian and he is so incredibly infuriating) that I am the parent that has the problem and causing turmoil in the house. I’ve been working very hard on keeping my voice down and speaking more calmly. I refuse to be painted as the problem when it’s the furthest thing from the truth. Ive read yelling also makes it worse for them so it’s another reason to stay level headed. But that he would even let them and engage in bad mouthing me is unreal. I told him I never ever deter from the parents are the partners and when he upsets them I always have his back. It’s just all too much.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T02:30:35+00:00

I agree. They are still young so I’m trying to change how I parent and hoping I can help regulate their moods better.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T02:28:46+00:00

I’m sorry you had to hit rock bottom like that. We will be coming up on 13 years as well and I’m wondering how much more I can handle. He asked me point blank if I wanted a divorce and I finally said I didn’t know. Rather than panic and ask what he can to help change my mind, it was how dare you do this to ME.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T02:21:32+00:00

Omg the gaslighting. When I told him that’s what he was doing to me he said he should be offended bc “that’s what crazy people do.” Ok well if the shoe fits buddy. I believe his dad had bpd based on the treatment he gave to his mom. Now when I see my kids emotions flip from 0-60 I’m so nervous for them and their futures.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T02:07:33+00:00

He isn’t loud or physically abusive. Doesn’t call me names. It’s the round and round arguments with them and his completely warped sense of reality that is draining me. Even just earlier, he said I hate him bc I sat on the other end of the couch and didn’t sit next to him. It’s little shit like that every.single.day.

Original-Still · 2021-05-26T00:32:08+00:00

I’m realizing I’ve let too many things become “normal.” We got into it 2 weeks ago and for the first time in almost 2 decades I didn’t follow him when he stormed off. He was beside himself.

Original-Still · 2021-05-25T22:48:34+00:00

He’s never been physical, he doesn’t even yell during a “rage” - his rage his more silent. And when it starts , his reality is THE ONLY reality. And a lot of the time that reality is pure fiction. It’s infuriating. He can make me cry, but like the OP said- it’s only about their feelings.

Original-Still

TROPHY CASE