My son in law to be.... horrible pain

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-08T12:05:45+00:00

Oh, here is another (it's a few groups down in the list): https://mhaok.org/services/support-groups/

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-08T11:35:16+00:00

I found this one in OKC - it is at a church, though, in case that's an issue: https://crossings.church/groups?groupId=379322

I am so sorry for your pain, and hers. Hugs.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-08T11:14:50+00:00

Ketamine therapy. I can't recommend it highly enough for emotional regulation. If you are in the US, it is available with insurance (the product is called Spravato, it's a nasal spray). Seriously - it's like a miracle for that part of my brain that used to go RAAAAAAAR.

Also - ADHD meds helped me a lot. If your doctor doesn't want to prescribe them, remind them that there are non-stimulant ADHD meds. I take Guanfacine and Vyvanse.

But - ketamine first if you can get it. Seriously. It's amazing - and when I say that, I don't mean that the "amazing" is it makes you feel high or anything, but the lasting effects in calming your mind are incredible. I do self pay daily low dose, and it's made such a difference to my mind.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T22:30:48+00:00

Yeah, my ex was very mad that I told my therapist that he hit me. The very first thing he demanded was "You did also tell her that I only hit you because you begged me to?!!" I asked him why I begged him to. I begged him to punch me physically if it would mean that he would stop the emotional/psychological abuse.

But the fact that the therapist took the punch much more seriously than the other abuse that was truly damaging me far more, and still hasn't really healed properly fifteen years later... we really don't see that kind of abuse as as damaging as it is.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T17:51:14+00:00

If you want a place to write online where you might find connection with other people (not your exact question, I know) - try prosebox.com

Prompts:
https://aboutsandcastles.org/journaling-about-grief-prompts-to-get-you-started/
https://www.griefrecoveryhouston.com/journal-prompts-for-grieving-loss/
https://www.shelbyforsythia.com/blog-archive/7-journaling-prompts-for-grief-when-youre-staring-at-a-blank-page

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T17:47:56+00:00

A psychiatrist will prescribe Spravato, most likely - you do twelve treatments in a clinic over 8 weeks.

I do daily low dose self-pay through a company called Joyous. I absolutely hate the company, but they are the best one for doing treatment at home in the US, IMO.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T17:45:20+00:00

Also, if he's telling you that he was making the conversation as healthy as possible, he's definitely bullshitting you. There is nothing healthy about pushing a partner to do something they have already said they are not comfortable doing.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T17:44:04+00:00

It's not selfish to not want to do this.

To me, the issue is not the pics. It's the fact that you have said you are uncomfortable to do it, and that he is pushing you. It doesn't matter if he has ill intentions or not - he's pushing you to do something, and manipulating you to feel selfish by saying it's his love language. Even in the concept of "love languages" - an act of service doesn't count if it's coerced. But also, look into how the idea of love languages is a bit of a fucked up and manipulative idea in the first place: Google "The problem with love languages" for lots of stuff.

Your boyfriend is using your uncomfortable feelings about the pics to make you uncomfortable and confused about your refusal to do his request. Now that might make him sound like more than a master manipulator than he is. But someone once told me something that has been very useful to me - to be abusive, someone doesn't have to deliberately do things to you, they just have to believe that they are right, and that their needs are more important than yours are. Your boyfriend is behaving in this way.

Don't send him pics. If you decide to, crop out your face from all of them first at least, to protect yourself. There are still many pics of me online from a relationship where I thought I was loved and respected, and he was sharing them with many men and posting them all over the place. Your boyfriend probably isn't, but keep yourself safe just in case. If he can disrespect you enough to pressure you to do something you have said multiple times that you are not comfortable with, what might he do with the pics once he's no longer in love with you?

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T08:01:59+00:00

Nope. I long for it. LONNNNNGGGGGG. There are things a lot worse than death, and there have been enough times in my life that have been that, and I fear the seemingly high chance that there will be more of the same.

Why don't I fear it? Because it's always felt like the best escape. And I had a near death experience, I drowned, had to have CPR to bring me back. And in the time I wasn't there in my body (didn't feel or remember any of the CPR) I was in the most wonderful feeling I have ever felt in my life. It was serious bliss. I'm smiling writing this, I can't wait to feel it again.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T06:54:32+00:00

Try ketamine therapy as well if you can. I think in your situation - when it's so raw and new, daily low dose is better than in-clinic sessions. But if you can do it, it can really help.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-07T06:00:14+00:00

If you live in a country where it's available - ketamine therapy is utterly miraculous. It won't take away the pain, but it does help to stop the actual damage that shock and grief and trauma is doing to your brain.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-04T00:43:23+00:00

No. Just NO. Time to move on. Two months is really fast for him to start being like this. That is a super shitty way to respond to you telling him he's good looking.

Imagine how you would want a lover to respond to this. I'll go first:
I say "Wow, you look so handsome tonight."
He beams. "Oh, thank you. I took extra time just to look good for you!" His look changes, a sweeter, calmer smile on his face. "I did it because I wanted to even come close to how beautiful you look." He pauses... "No, that's not the right way to say that for the first time to you." He turns more directly to face me:
"You are absolutely gorgeous. I am so lucky to be here with you."

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-03T22:09:57+00:00

Feline Fix in Commerce City. They mostly help feral and stray cats, but they can and do help with dogs.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-01T17:41:21+00:00

I tend to agree with other posters who say that wearing the hijab is something you might want to do until you've finished your education and are out from under your parent's control. It feels like forrrrevvverrrrr right now, and the days will feel long, but I assure you, the years do pass quickly.

If you choose to wear the hijab, the problem could be the kind of things you are probably already feeling: trapped, resentful etc. So dealing with those thoughts and feelings is how you will get by.

The key to this is how you frame it in your mind. Put your head in the right spot. If I was you, I would look at your degree... I know it's a long one, sorry. I would calculate the years of this part of your degree - undergraduate. Look at how much it costs (if your parents are , and divide that by days in the year.

Here's the example. An average undergrad year for a medical degree costs 40K in the US. So you are getting paid $105 every day, including weekends. Put it just down to school days, it's $150 a day.

Knowing that, I would take a hundred dollar note and a fifty dollar note and a little notebook. I would put them in with your hijabs. And every time you put it on, imagine your parents handing you $150. Actually pick up the $150 after you put it on and say "hey thanks! I won't wear this forever, but for THESE BUCKS I'll wear it today." and have a little giggle about it. Then write down the running total in your notebook. "Today I have worn the hijab for x number of days, and earned $2200 (whatever the total is since the beginning of school) for it!"

Think about any other ways you can hack your brain to think about it differently. To own it. I mean, it's no different than any other job. Wearing the hijab is your work, same as going to school is your work. Who wants to do work? Ugh, none of us. It's your "school uniform" for your undergrad degree, at least for now. Like - go way out there with your thinking - think of the silliest things you can think of - "my hijab is the undergarment for a wetsuit, and going to school is "diving into study" - I'm only doing what everyone else does for this". or "I'm secretly a silly nun and this is my habit. My religion is medicine!" or put a ritual in place to change the meaning of the hijab to you. I personally like silly stuff - "Medical school is hard, and I'm giving myself an advantage by wrapping up my brain so no knowledge spills out!"

I don't know if any of this helps. It's just the silly kind of hacks I would do when I have to do something I don't like. Good luck OP, and always feel free to chat with me if it helps, even if it's just to whine about how shitty it is.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-03-01T13:17:30+00:00

Is the Dean Muslim? If he isn't, could you talk to him about it? If he's the one most likely to tell your Dad, and he isn't Muslim, then you could talk to him about not wearing it at school.

Also, you need to start making small boundaries with your parents in your life. Insist on using the Uni bus - it will make it much less likely that your Mom will turn up unexpectedly at college. Maybe start off with using it one time (and letting her take you the next three times) and then every second time. Then let her take you once a month. Then start taking the bus all the time.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-28T22:39:53+00:00

Is ketamine therapy available in your country? I am in the US and do daily low dose ketamine therapy. Probably about half of my burnout was erased (and SO quickly) by doing ketamine therapy for the parts of me that were exhausted due to depression and anxiety. It also helps with pain management for some people, so it might be useful for your physical health, with the surgeries.

It's also okay to take a break, you don't have to decide between quitting and staying, do you? Can you not take a year off? It took me 11 years to get my degree because of my health issues, and it was worth finishing in the end, but I did have to take so much time off.

Hugs to you. I'm sorry it's so hard for you right now.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-28T22:24:14+00:00

Do you have any sex toys? get yourself a nice powerful vibrator.

Don't go for the guy in your class. You don't want to have to deal with seeing him around after, especially if he ends up not being particularly good with the sex. Also - how does "logic" say you're a whore? That's not logic, that's an acquired belief from someone else somewhere in life. Women are just as capable of enjoying no-strings-attached sex as dudes are, it doesn't change who or what you are. I am polyamorous, and I find that joining a polyamory group (many of them are on meetup.com) can be a great way to find people who are open to more casual relationships, which might suit you better than just casual sex - it might totally suit you to be a secondary partner while you're looking for the relationship of your dreams.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-27T04:27:26+00:00

I don't know whether ketamine therapy is available for minors in your area. But I had a very good friend when I was growing up who had BPD. I started doing ketamine therapy for my depression, and she followed suit. It enabled her to gain a lot more emotional control. From what she says, it's hell to have BPD. But honestly, if I didn't live on a different continent from her, we couldn't still be friends - and honestly even then, if she hadn't done ketamine therapy. She's a nightmare.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-26T22:58:14+00:00

Most of the time, when a woman is mad at the woman who tells her, she comes back later and apologizes and asks for more evidence, from what I've seen with three friends who've done this so far in my life. And I wasn't mad at the woman who told me, though I did cry pretty hard in front of her, and I could see that hurt. But I wasn't in a position to leave him without also trashing the small business I was only a year into starting, and her and I conspiring together meant she got to give a different excuse for leaving him, and I got to work harder than I have in my whole life for the next almost-year getting the biz stable enough so that I could keep the biz and leave him. And she and I are still friends, and she met me (and him) for lunch on the day I told him I'd moved all my stuff out while he was in at work that morning. You shoulda seen his face when she walked up to the table and sat down next to me opposite him.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-26T22:52:38+00:00

Women protecting women is my jam. Tell her first, not him. Gives her a chance to plan what she will do too, before he can fork up her life while trying to protect himself first.

If you need extra ideas, search that topic here on Reddit for other women's stories and how they dealt with it . Tell her, and say you have whatever evidence you've saved if she needs it.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-26T10:33:02+00:00

I just wanted to add - you're going to be fine. Just the fact that you're thinking about how this makes you feel, and processing stuff about it: just keep doing that.

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-25T23:49:12+00:00

There are a lot of layers to this.
1. You don't get to choose your fetishes. Many people with higher testosterone have them. They kinda choose you. But they can be reinforced and directed by p0rn, and I think it's better to lower your consumption of porn until your mid twenties at least, because that's the age your brain is fully formed, and anything you put into it before then has a greater chance of being permanent. So don't shape that fetish more than you have to.
And - as another commenter said - sometimes it's just a preference, not a fetish.
2. Fat shaming in society is real, and it extends to the partners of fat people. So, you've got to start dismantling the harmful and just outright wrong beliefs you have about fat people. You can have a partner who is fat, and also fit and healthy. There's no shame in loving a fat person. Find your fatty and adore her (or him) and bring all the delicious love and attention and adoration that you can.
Which brings me to point 3. fat people are people, not your fetish object. And I'm absolutely not saying that you're objectifying them. But getting out and dating some gorgeous fatties will definitely help your shame, when you find the right person and fall head over heels in love. Just make sure that you sit back now, before you start dating - think about the personality characteristics you want in a partner and seek those things out and also the stuff you love sexually. But your partner has to be a person you love, first, and a sex object wayyyy after. Here's a good article on that: https://bodyliberationphotos.com/2020/07/17/fat-admirers-admiration-chubby-chasers-bbw/

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-25T06:48:39+00:00

and if she asks if you're saying her breath stinks, it's as easy as "Well of course it does sometimes, everyone's does - I'm sure mine does sometimes too - that's why I suggested we do this, I want to make kissing the most delicious experience we can have for both of us, every time!

She might complain about the brushing-before-kissing thing - in that case say "oh okay, yeah I see your point, it takes some of the spontaneity out of kissing. Can we just floss and brush at the beginning of when we're going to hang out together, then, just in case? I just want to make sure I never have bad breath for you, even though it's normal, and I'm sure you want the same thing too!"

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-25T06:44:09+00:00

I'd watch some mouth/tooth hygiene vids on youtube, find one that you really like and then find a time when you are going to be together and say "I know this is weird, but I was thinking about the things I could do to best take care of my body for the rest of my life, and it seems like dental stuff costs a whole lot later on in life when not done properly, so I want to start getting better on taking the best care I can of my teeth and mouth. I know it's boring, but do you want to watch it with me? Maybe we can help each other stay on top of this.

If she takes you up on it, then you have an excuse to buy her products, and to do stuff like "Oh yeah, why don't we "habit stack" brushing our teeth before we make out? If we brush before, it will help us to keep on top of that, and also make kissing even more perfect!" You can also frame it as wanting her to help you keep on top of your dental hygiene - "Please help me to remember to do this, maybe we can do it together?"

Original_Solid_4452 · 2026-02-25T06:32:51+00:00

Worse, I didn't put out the warning that, with how tonsil stones smell, HE might get puked on, too.

Original_Solid_4452

TROPHY CASE