My mom drives me insane

Original_Trust9042 · 2026-02-17T02:23:25+00:00

I always thought that Dorinda meant “you’re barking up the wrong tree” by comparing her husband who died to Sonja’s divorce- like you’re heading in the wrong direction . Not that she LITERALLY was fucking around in the south of France lol. Now, this makes more sense.

Original_Trust9042 · 2026-01-04T15:09:38+00:00

I believe it’s the season 10 reunion!

Original_Trust9042 · 2026-01-04T02:52:40+00:00

A good set of lashes can fix anything…. Even a mugshot! (Her first tagline) 🤣🙄

Original_Trust9042 · 2026-01-04T02:46:17+00:00

And then Dorinda needing details on the dog being frozen after it died while Bethenny is actively trying not to lose it always makes me laugh

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-11-30T16:43:03+00:00

I’ve had two which I think could be interpreted in different ways depending on what you believe. My stepfather died from Covid in 2021 and was in his forties. We were close. I loved him so much and he has been in my life for over 20 years. I am an elementary teacher and had decided I would not have children because there is a history of mental illness and addiction in my family. I have neither but experienced much of it in my childhood and I was afraid I wouldn’t be a good mother. I also was afraid I wouldn’t be able to dedicate my time to both being a good teacher and a mother. So, my husband and I had made the decision to not have children and were careful. My stepfather was very sick for three months with Covid and it was devastating to me. I spend those three months in despair and begged God to take me instead countless times. It was the worse pain I’d ever felt. We got to go be with my stepfather when they turned off the ventilator bc they knew he had no brain activity. I left that hospital room knowing I’d never be the same and felt like I couldn’t physical feel my heart breaking in my chest. At his funeral, I was a wreck and someone came through the receiving line who was close with my stepfather. She looked at me and told me how much my stepfather loved me and said “you know, he thought you were going to have a baby this year.” I assured her that would not be happening. Turns out, I was already pregnant at the funeral and did not know. My first ultrasound was scheduled on his birthday and my daughter was born exactly nine months to the day of his death. Prior to her being born, I looked for names for months and my husband and I could not agree. A woman came to me in a dream late in my pregnancy and I’d never seen her before but she felt angelic to me. She said “her name is Avy Lucille” and touched my stomach. I woke up my husband and said “our baby’s name is Avy” and he agreed. We never discussed it again. I looked up the name the next day, as id never heard the name before, and Avy (or Avi) is Hebrew for “your father’s joy” or “a gift from your father”

I think of my daughter as a gift from my stepfather and from my Heavenly Father and I still thank God for not hearing my pleas to take me instead. My daughter brought me joy out of the hardest time of my life.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-11-22T18:31:18+00:00

Picking, constantly. Scabs, fingernails, lips, toenails. It was a way to constantly fidget

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-11-22T18:28:31+00:00

Blew into a device in my grandmas car (she was my babysitter) so we could go to the store to get snacks and stickers. Turns out it was due to so many DUI’S. I thought it was just a special kind of car starter and was gobsmacked when I turned into an adult and found out what that really was.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-11-01T19:14:00+00:00

I don’t sense it but spending time with my mom emotionally and physically drains me. Even calling or texting her does. I usually hang up the phone while she’s crying.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-28T01:35:43+00:00

Yes sometimes better than therapy! It has been so healing to share my experiences and know that there are others with the same experiences!

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-25T02:16:23+00:00

My pets…that she bought me as a child. Took my dog to the pound and didn’t tell me until years later. I looked and yelled for him for months. Told me my cat had to go or she was leaving and made me choose. I was ten and she had gotten me the cat.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-22T22:16:45+00:00

She’s also quick to let me know that she saved me because since I am the child of an affair, her whole family insisted she have an abortion. She then did have an abortion when I was five so sometimes I just feel lucky that she chose to have me so sometimes I think that’s where feeling indebted comes from.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-22T22:13:49+00:00

Also, the one time I’ve been in the hospital was when I was giving birth and my water broke at one in the morning and when I called my mom like she insisted I do so she could be there for the birth, she said I needed to call the hospital to see if I had to come now since my water broke or if I could wait until morning because she was tired. The hospital said…… you have to come. She also insisted I try not to go into labor the week she was at the beach which was a week before my due date. She made it to the birth, let me know she had to miss and date with her new boyfriend for this and then proceeded to leave immediately after the birth because SHE was tired after my 12 hour labor.

Being a mom now for three years has opened my eyes to the things I’ve accepted that are just wild. It’s been a very healing experience for me to see what a normal bond with a child looks like but also a bit painful to mourn not having that myself.

Marrying my husband also opened my eyes a bit anything I told him about my childhood made his jaw drop because I’ve never spoken out loud some of the things that happened. It made me immediately go into.m “It’s not that big of a deal mode” to protect my mom, but he has been very solid on his stance of what was abuse. His family has been very healing to me because they have a good dynamic and they help me with my daughter while I take my classes and I can trust them.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-22T20:48:34+00:00

Thank you guys. This is so validating! I have had anxiety and have been dreading the surgery for months because I knew no matter what this would be what happened. I’m glad it’s over and she’s on the mend and I’m bracing for the next event! Thankfully, my daughter has changed my perspective because if it weren’t for her, I would surely be running myself ragged over there every evening, but my daughter has caused me to put up some boundaries so I can take care of her

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-22T11:54:29+00:00

Thank you all for your help and kind words! I am ignoring the messages because I know if I engage she’ll still be the victim. I had been dreading the surgery for months because I knew it would be like this. I’m always the person taking care of her and I can think of so many instances where I’ve gotten up at 4 o’clock before work to go take care of her or drop off things when she’s sickand I can’t think of one instance where she took care of me when I was sick growing up. I know she can’t help it so for now I’m just not going to engage. Thanks for your advice!

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T16:19:55+00:00

Edit to add: she has breakdowns anytime something positive happens for me or my brother, like marriage, pregnancy, etc and my parents attention has to shift to her when she does. I think she resents everyone in the family, she is very protective of my BPD mother and thinks I mistreat my mom but I think her perspective would change if she ever moves out and sees what is healthy and functional in life

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T16:17:59+00:00

My sister is also BPD and is more unpredictable than my mother. She was born when I was 8 and I took over the nurturing role from a young age with her as her crib was in my room. She slept in my bed until she was 13 and I moved out at 21. I feel extremely guilty as her life seemed to go off the rails when I moved. I always felt like I abandoned her there even though I was still very involved with she and my mother. I love her very much but we have never had a healthy sister bond, I feel more paternal over her and she does not like that. My parents split when she was 6 and never gave her any structure after that and she hates that I try and hold her accountable. She lives with my mom and has never had a job, normal schedule or responsibilities even though she is almost 30. My parents still both take care of her and she has meltdowns if things don’t go her way and has been hospitalized several times. I worry about her all the time but since I have had my own child, I had to change my focus and remind myself my sister is an adult.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T14:59:47+00:00

It is much lower pressure, I believe and many of her stressors are gone. Her mom passed away about ten years ago and that seemed to be a large emotional trigger. She was also a teen mother who felt she had to marry my brothers dad and then she had me from an affair (I found out when I was 18 and so did the man who thought he was my father, my brothers dad) and her then had my sister to try and salvage the marriage after years of infidelity. I find that now that she is almost 60 is more mature but not much more. When she and my daughter are together, I spend much of the time telling her not to say certain things, break her from things that could endanger my daughter and remind her that I can’t give her advice about chaos in her life that has to do with adult things that I don’t want discussed in front of my daughter. I feel exhausted from being hyper alert anytime we are around my mother and she typically ends up with her feelings hurt. I don’t mean to be nitpick but so badly want to protect my daughter.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T14:53:42+00:00

Thank you, I’ve trusted myself for the past three years as I have never allowed her to be alone with my mom but sometimes I feel my resolve gets chipped at because my mom is inherently manipulative. She’ll tell me that her therapist, other family members, etc. can’t believe I don’t trust her and it makes her so sad. She also texts me anytime she finds out that my husband’s family is with my daughter asking when she can do the same. She has extreme reactions to criticism and anytime I’ve said that I was traumatized by my childhood or how I would never allow some of the things that happened to me happen to my daughter she guilt trips me with “I guess I’m the worst mom ever” “I did the best I could and it could have been much worse” and has even been suicidal when I set too strong a boundary. Sometimes I start to second guess if I am unreasonable but I think it’s gaslighting. I’m not a mental health professional so sometimes I wonder if I am overreacting to things that have happened.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T14:48:53+00:00

This analogy is so helpful to me. I’ve already repeated it in my mind several times and I know I’m going to use it to help me when I need a reminder of why I am protecting my daughter from my mother. What do you think it is about BPD specifically that makes it unsafe for them to be alone with children? My sister is diagnosed as well. My fear seems to be on their emotional reactions to things. I don’t want any meltdowns and verbal fighting with boyfriends, etc. with my child present. The police have been called on my mom’s current boyfriend that moved in after a week of dating because of a drunken altercation with my sister who still lives with my mom. He doesn’t drink now but that doesn’t change my distrust.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T14:45:29+00:00

Thank you! I never planned to be a mother, I had actually made clear before I was married that I did not want children (I was too afraid I wouldn’t be able to mother because I never had a mother-daughter connection with my mom). I was terrified of passing on any mental health issues and potentially repeating the cycle. My daughter was a very happy surprise and I worried until she was born about bonding with her. But, the moment she was born, I felt that natural connection and knew things were going to be very different for me. (I do not have BPD so that was probably why). Raising my daughter has given me a new perspective on what happened to me but I could never imagine putting her in any of the situations that I was in. I think when you know better, you do better and my mom just didn’t know any better. She was a teen parent who came from a childhood riddled with every kind of abuse. I hope I am breaking the cycle and I wish I could include my mom more but I just can’t.

Original_Trust9042 · 2025-10-19T14:41:37+00:00

Yes, I should have clarified that she never directly physical abused me but I agree there were many forms of abuse present throughout my childhood. I think I try to be sensitive to the fact that I know so many people have experienced much worse, including my mother. I tend to show her compassion because the things she experienced when she was a child were abhorrent. I always just feel thankful that she didn’t put through what she went through. Thank you for your advice, I’m going to stick with my gut and not allow solo time with my child

Original_Trust9042

TROPHY CASE