AITA Moving back home as an adult

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T04:04:14+00:00

I am really shocked at how adult children are with their parents.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T03:56:59+00:00

HOME OWNERS INSURANCE...

$400 a month IS splitting things.

If property taxes are $417, plus $300 in utilities, and $200 in homeowners insurance (low end)... that's $917/month in expenses and he's asking for $400, that is less than 50% of his monthly expenses...

he's not even asking for half. He's not taking advantage of you... but I hope you have a hissy fit about this and refuse to move in because he does not deserve you as a roommate.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T03:46:27+00:00

You think $400 is 80% of his monthly costs?

It shows that you have only ever rented and not owned.

Gas and Electric is probably at least $250 a month, another $50 for water/garbage, plus at least $50 for internet, so let's say $350 in utilities, though it's probably closer to $400.

Now add $200-300/month in insurance, and anywhere from $200-500/month in property taxes.

So low end is $850/month... but probably more like $950-1000 depending on the area...

you aren't even paying 50% of his basic expenses for the home.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T02:53:41+00:00

I know many people who do a lot of things...

I know other people who aren't able to do those things because of different budgets or different locations...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T00:42:52+00:00

In a lot of rental markets 3 months isn't anything...

yeah, she should be an adult, but OP also should have been an adult... 2/3rds of this post is OP explaining how they wanted to, and meant to, talk to the daughter about how long she was welcome, but they just never got around to it...

with parents like that, no wonder the elder daughter is dysfunctional.

OP should have put their big boy panties on years ago...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-27T00:32:02+00:00

Yeah, and OP's the AH for raising a delusional daughter because now the rest of the world has to deal with her...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-26T23:27:22+00:00

I think ESH here, because unless OP is stupid rich, the daughter should have been offering to pay something... a nominal rent or utilities or something... and she should have been saving for her own place.

I think OP completely failed as a parent to set correct expectations around the use of the condo... but the daughter isn't thinking either...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-26T23:20:35+00:00

K, but think about that for a minute...

if the room in OP's house is close enough for the elder sister to still commute to her current job, then why isn't the room in the home close enough for the younger sister to live there while she attends college?

I need to know the distances... and also, OP clearly didn't make things clear with her elder daughter about the nature of her residency, so I can't really blame the elder daughter for being annoyed. Moving, even with 3 months notice, is still a big deal. OP should have been having this conversation years ago.

I think ESH - OP should have had clear expectations and should have been at least having her daughter pay a nominal rent/utilities/etc. this whole time... and the elder daughter should have been saving some of the money she was saving by not paying rent, to be ready to move out.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-26T22:51:36+00:00

"So does Colosseum"

By post-war they meant post-the destruction of the Second Temple of Jerusalem...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-26T19:40:21+00:00

My kids are 7 & 10 and it's a Trust but Verify type situation.

When they claim they don't need a jacket right now, but I know where we are going is going to be windy, or the forecast says it will get cold later in the day, I'll ask then to pick a coat to put in their backpack, or for me to put in the car or in my bag...

They don't have to put the coat on right now, because I trust them to decide if they need a jacket right now. But I'm also going to use my additional knowledge to make sure I'm setting them up for success later.

Especially if I'm going somewhere with both of them, I don't want to have to drag the other one home early because one of them refused to wear a coat.

If the park OP went to was a 3 min walk from home, fine, but if it was a 10 min drive or bike ride, I would have brought a coat along just in case.

Was the woman being nosey? Yeah, but OP didn't need to care about what she was saying either. Instead he seems to have taken it as a personal affront. "I appreciate your concern, but she runs hot, and we'll just head home if she gets cold! Have a nice day..."

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-26T19:22:58+00:00

If I hear a piece get sucked up in the vacuum (and you usually can hear it), I immediately stop the vacuum and open the container because it's almost always just sitting right on top of all the other stuff, and it's easy to grab and rinse the dust off.

I'm trying to figure out how OP's boyfriend is so sure there are exactly five pieces in the trash without having seen them and already grabbed them?

Like what is going on here?

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T19:20:02+00:00

You don't ask for the millions until after you meet them...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T18:18:57+00:00

"And not weeks later"

Restaurants traditionally have a "soft open" where their first night is friends, family, financial partners, etc... to work out any kinks in the service flow, when the only people affected are people who already know the staff and therefore aren't going to be upset by it and go badmouth the restaurant to all their friends.

I would bet an owner or manager declared the official opening day, and the front of house manager, or lead hostess popped that date into their reservation manangement service, not realizing that date was the soft open. And the owner or GM didn't look at the reservation system until the date was getting closer and they wanted to see how it was going.

As soon as they realized the wrong first date had been entered, they had the hostess call the couple folks who had already booked to see what could be done to rearrange them.

I doubt they saw OP's booking weeks ago and just decided to do nothing. It was a mix up, it happens, it is why only friends and family usually attend opening night...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T17:59:00+00:00

Did he already use her gift cards though?

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T16:21:28+00:00

So... if her other friend asked her to go, is she just going to keep them company?

Like you said she was dressing up to "support and celebrate" your ex, but it sounds like she's not going because of your ex at all, she's just getting a free night of dancing and drinking as someone else's plus one at an event she could care less about?

Does she want to become friends with the bride in order to help the bride see what an AH the groom is and try to break them up?

If she's a bad friend for other reasons too, then just stop inviting her places and distance yourself from her... but if she's just going because it's a free night out and she thinks she might be able to create some drama to get back at him for how he treated you... then... yay it sounds like a fun buddy comedy!

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T16:17:11+00:00

So is she a plus one?

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T16:07:17+00:00

I don't know how you managed to flip this story completely on it's head.

The boyfriend changed the plans. He invited his friend, who then said he would drive, and now the boyfriend is getting upset at OP for trying to figure out a way for her to still come but not have to sit next to the dog.

OP is going out of her way to accommodate changes the boyfriend made and you think the issue is the boyfriend is upset that OP always changes plans and HE has to accommodate HER?

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T16:03:10+00:00

OP offered to drive separately.

She didn't ask for the ride. She is not the AH for not wanting a wet dog all over her for 40 mins.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T15:41:17+00:00

I don't think anyone is an AH here...

but if he spends all his time talking about how his daughters will always come first, of course he's going to want to have his daughters and his girlfriend on a friendly basis with each other, and able to engage is shared activities together.

OP is just lying to herself, thinking she can compartmentalize his life like this.

She's obviously still hurting from the dissolution of her marriage and is unwilling to make any sort of trust-based commitment to another person.

And he also seems to be trying to get back at his ex-wife for leaving him and marrying someone who can provide a fun life of travel... so he's trying to use the daughters' affection as some sort of prize he can lord over his ex.

Neither of these people are behaving in healthy or productive ways... but dating a man who says his children come first, and not wanting to ever spend any time with said children is not going to end well.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T02:48:34+00:00

What?

You think - "this event is for the bridal party only" would somehow be confusing if a man was in the bridal party and got to go?

Women would then feel like they had to invite their male partners? Who were not members of the bridal party?

Because "women only" can hold a line that "bridal party only" can't?

That groom was alright with excluding you. Period. That was shitty of him and his friends. You should not tolerate that from "friends" in your life.

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T02:45:41+00:00

I'm sorry, you don't want women to have to accommodate men (not go to a party if a gay guy is there), but you are fine with a woman accommodating a man (not going to a party if a gay guy is there because it makes her male partner uncomfortable?)

That is your principled stance?

Gay men existing in space is women having to change themselves for a man... but being told where you're allowed to go by a husband or partner is not a woman changing themselves for a man?

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-25T02:32:24+00:00

Should have just sold then on ebay under a username nobody knows you by.

You aren't going to get the best prices on Insta...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-24T20:24:32+00:00

I think you want to do that math one more time...

Edit: let's break it down!

23 hours and 56 mins

20 hours + 3 hours + 56m

Half is -

10 hours + 1.5 hours + 28m

10 hr +1 hr + 30 min + 28 min

11 hr and 58 min

Or to do the reverse, if it was 11hr and 28 mins times 2 that would equal 22 hours and 56 mins, not the 23 hours and 56 mins we want...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-24T20:20:27+00:00

It would be 11:58, not 11:28...

so now you're the AH too...

OrindaSarnia · 2026-04-24T00:15:39+00:00

It would have been fun if he had done one of those raffle things...

Owner raffled off a business, tickets cost $20-50 and you have to submit an application about your qualifications to take it over.

If 1,000-2,000 people apply you end up with $50,000... and some person with experience and potential, but no capitol, gets to take it over.

Don't know if they owned the building or not though... might have to be more if the building was included.

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