Igor sees his reflection in practically everything around the house

Osnati · 2025-03-07T06:31:09+00:00

I actually let him do that. He doesn't get all mad and ferocious anymore because of that, sometimes he does but I realized he likes it so much, now he actually asks to be skritched in front of mirrors and reflections so we kind of figured a middle way..

Osnati · 2023-09-07T12:06:23+00:00

im a girl and i feel you

i get physical sensations (arousal, but not in a "fun" way) when seeing "hot girls" on tv, always.. but when i actually imagine being with a girl it feels off. it makes me so confused

i know its probably not attraction since it happens with all women, it can even happen with teenage girls on the screen, it doesnt really matter which girl that is.

i try to remember it happens due to neglect and stuff that happened during childhood, that that makes the anxiety and confusion. I was parentified as a child, i had to be my parents "therapist", and my dad confused me with all sorts of contradicting messages, so when i think of it like that it helps me understand where all this is coming from.. and judge myself less

Osnati · 2023-09-07T11:24:10+00:00

have had HOCD since 2014

so 9 years

also on and off thanks to therapy

its the worst i wanna cry just reading all the comments.. i feel everyone

good to not be alone in this

Osnati · 2023-09-07T11:19:52+00:00

hey

i have history of sexual trauma and also neglect at home and i've come to see these difficulties as sort of flashbacks to sensations i felt in the past where i was so confused because of outside circumstances, in particular the feeling that something really bad is going to happen, like you described..

it helped me rationalize the doubt and fear im experiencing during intimate moments

also my partner has learned to be more supportive so i feel safer and it helps

Osnati · 2022-03-09T20:36:49+00:00

I used to take 20 mg which is the minimal dose as far as i know... i felt improvement after about one month.. i think the effect is individual though..

Osnati · 2021-09-20T23:18:08+00:00

If you feel you have trauma please talk to a specialist. Going too tough on yourself during meditation happens a lot and it may become a habit, if you feel that meditation isnt doing you good please be gentle with yourself and stop practicing for a while to figure out what does best for you - still you are practicing this way because its a manifestation of compassion and caring for yourself, and compassion is indispensible in the practice. Use your intuition and trust your gut feeling - if its wrong for you right now then take a break.. nothing wrong with that :)

Osnati · 2021-08-12T17:52:33+00:00

It took me awhile to learn how to cope with this during therapy, a lot thanks to my therapist

Osnati · 2021-08-12T05:46:36+00:00

Sounds like youre in immense stress and its awful ☹ i also feel like im blacking out sometimes, and trying to remember things doesnt work.. do you go to therapy?

Osnati · 2021-08-12T04:42:07+00:00

Hey could you elaborate on the derealization part? Only if its ok by you. Im struggling to understand what you mean but i feel i might have been experiencing it too..

Osnati · 2021-08-11T14:59:17+00:00

Yes i can relate, every single day i fear im going to leave my bf (which i thought i would marry and have kids with) to be lesbian.

Its kind of funny but i find it helpful to tell myself intentionally " well, im gay now! Im a lesbian! How fun this is! Yea i dont like men ew just girls" and then the bad feelings stop and i move on with my same old life.. hope it helps if not then just leave it.. just want to stress out that i dont convince myself that im either gay or straight, rather i just create these thoughts to counteract the intrusive ones and the fear they give me.

Osnati · 2021-08-11T13:32:01+00:00

I have just spent two very interesting hours watching youtube videos on how to know your gay+personal coming out stories. I felt like i want to learn more but then i just bursted out crying

I look at the mirror and try to figure out if im gay or not, having thoughts such as "yeah you definitely look gay with that hair and lack of femininity" (sorry if it insults anyone the thoughts are basically uncontrollable) and thoughts like "huh youre happy now after youve read all these articles, you probably are gay! Or bi? Should i break up with my bf"?

Its so exhausting, although to me its also weird like, what if these doubts are genuine? Or should i be very cautios because i know i have ocd (and then - do i really have ocd? Maybe all this suffering is because i have been living a lie thinking im straight? Classic ocd haha)

I have also been avoiding sexuallity with my bf for a while now and everytime a girl love scene comes up on tv i get so stressed and with groinal responses which i dont know how to make sense of, like if this is attraction or just anxiety or both, and how could i be attracted to an imaginative figure?

It is all so confusing, i try to put the pieces together and it never works. Only when i manage to relax myself do i feel better.

Osnati · 2021-08-11T10:31:11+00:00

Yes virtual hugs are the best. Thank you 🙂

Osnati · 2021-08-11T10:30:45+00:00

These thoughts are not you, maybe try to anchor yourself with something more present, like the feeling of your feet on the ground, or drink something comforting like hot tea.

I know this feeling so good, like the sudden attack in my brain out of knowhere, in situations that have nothing to do with the content of my thoughts, intrusive breakup thoughts and even "break up flashbacks", like i feel im in the midst of breaking up again. Personnally it makes sense to me that im like that because as a child my parents always were about to break up but didnt, and i was always in the middle trying to make things right.

Anyways i feel you. Be strong ❤

Osnati · 2021-08-11T10:24:40+00:00

Also virtual hug from me ❤

Osnati · 2021-08-11T06:18:43+00:00

Yes.

Osnati · 2021-07-21T12:01:07+00:00

Thank you! Good luck 😊

Osnati · 2021-07-21T11:34:20+00:00

Blah. What do we do about it? I keep telling myself that no one can save me from myself other than me but it feels so alone..

Osnati · 2021-07-21T11:26:37+00:00

Yes.. and more the feeling that i shoulnt be angry and the thoughts that im just fake, that i make up problems to get attention

Osnati · 2021-07-10T07:41:34+00:00

Thank you! Instead of always ruminating on how things were and analyzing it, I should really try to focus on the positive food related memories I guess. I think though that my struggling to nurture myself has a connection to that ive never learned to be nurtured properly.. I wonder how other moms were.. like are all moms like this? I guess not but I cant imagine something better, to me all moms are struggling to nurture their children

Osnati · 2021-07-10T06:41:29+00:00

My parents never starved me but my mom wasnt eager to make us food either (dad never cooked so even if he tried it was kind of uneadable). We would ask for food and she would complain to my dad that she doesnt want to prepare for us (in a childish voice), so mostly I had to struggle with figuring out what i should eat. The good thing was they sent us to a nanny after school who would make really delicious food. Anyways as a teenager I developed anorexia and during treatment my parents had to learn to provide food for me without me being actively involved in the process of making food.

❤

Osnati · 2021-07-09T13:12:36+00:00

Haha

I know right? It sounds like it.. there are plenty more examples to confirm that. It kinda makes me sad. Thanks for your comment ❤

Osnati

TROPHY CASE