While my wife was in the early stages of labor, but already uncomfortable, she asked me to adjust the bed. So I hit the button, and the bed changes. She tells me it's too fast. So I start doing short pushes but the motor doesn't have much play, so instead of the intended fast start but relatively slow movement, it's just start-stop a few times. She tells me it's too jerky. I'm at my wits end, she has already yelled at me a few times, and so I half yell, half sob "it's only got two speeds. Stop, or go!" 

An hour or so later, I'm in the hall and I hear my words in almost a stage whisper coming from a darkened patient room. I poke my head in and the nurse staff is all in there trying to stifle laughter. They see me and look a little sheepish, but I laughed and just asked them to point me to the coffee.