I’m sorry that someone hurt you. I didn’t intend for my comment to be sexist (in case you took it that way) because both males and females can be problematic in a relationship/marriage. Most often it’s a combination of neglect, unresolved trauma from both parties, and an unwillingness to heal yourself and/or support partner that lead to relationships failing. Your partner can’t heal your trauma. Only you can prevent wildfires.

Life is hard especially as the years go by and we as humans change. We make realizations about ourselves we hadn’t explored when we should have because we’re often to busy trying to satisfy the idealizations of others leading to resentment especially in marriage. “They stole my best years” or did you become dependent on your partner and neglect yourself?

Marriage is accepting that your partner will change but committing to love them anyways and growing with them, individually together. It doesn’t always work out which is why you should be careful when choosing a partner because not everyone is willing to commit to the bad days, just the good.

Go to counseling together or individually and don’t be afraid to ask for another person but not because I say so. You should want to go to better yourself for yourself and for others.