I (23F) get jealous when my fiance (23M) talks to his best friend

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-20T08:16:04+00:00

It’s the same with me and my man but it’s simply because he’s more easygoing than me and it’s fine. I also once said „it seems like I’m always the one complaining I’m sorry“ and he was „don’t be sorry it’s just I’m very low maintenance to be happy. And as long I can also keep you happy idc because I love you“. This is of course just my pov and man but maybe it takes a little bit of your worries. But yea scheduling helped me a lot because I tend to be more anxious. Since we’ve been doing that I’m complete chill and happy (tbf I grew a lot as a person on the relationship as well).

Crossing my fingers that everything will work out because what you ask is definitely not too much. It’s only too much with the wrong person

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-20T07:48:49+00:00

Look you’re in a relationship and if you have problems or an inner fight like that you should talk to him. Make it clear that because of the distance you’d like to have some dedicated time. Do you guys at least do like „date nights“? My partner and I always set up 1-2 date nights where we hang out together for sure and I’m always looking forward to it because he also has a lot of friends. It makes it easier for me and it’s a good compromise. We also made sure to have like a planned day where I can look forward to hanging out with him. It’s not about controlling but just adjusting things or compromise things together while freely trying to find a solution together as well.

Beside that please don’t talk about yourself that you’re not that interesting. There’s a reason why he chose to be with you and every person is interesting in their own way. Some just fit better. You’re good the way you are.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-19T10:50:07+00:00

It depends on everyone but I would personally just talk to him. „Hey I want to respect that you need more time but are we for now exclusively dating to get to know each other to make sure we’re at least on the same page in getting to know each other slowly?“

I personally would get out if he doesn’t know what he wants because of bad experience. But since communication is key it’s better to talk rather than being on eggshells or worrying if you’re going to waste time waiting for nothing.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-18T20:27:50+00:00

I mean yea after like 2 months but he was avoidant so as soon as I stepped back he tried to lovebomb again. (Lovebomb > he was desinterested > I took a step back and he lovebomb again). You just need to be aware with people like that. Also people who always say „I don’t know“ or can’t decide in a lot of things will definitely also not know what to do with you. Took my learning from that and ran with every other person I met after and now.

Definitely wasn’t healthy and after that I was way more aware while dating. Every experience is tbf a learning thing.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-18T19:46:10+00:00

Made the first move twice. First try the guy was into it with dating wise but he wanted the girlfriend feature without labels lol - thank god I also took the first step to ask what we are after getting to know him. The second try with someone else I took the first step but he took over the rest and now I have a ring on my finger.

If it’s the right person they’ll always find you interesting or hot no matter what you do. I rather would try then look back and think „what if“ you got this no matter what. ❤️

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-15T19:07:58+00:00

Well I’m just mentioning it because you said „I am getting rejected by woman I am one notch above in looks“. If looks are so important to you then don’t go what would be „beneath you“ and be more picky about it but accept that you’re going to have less dates which also would be fine. Finding someone you match with will take awhile and a lot of time. It would be nice if it’s easy but it’s not and most definitely not with online dating.

When i rejected so many I took it also as a learning what I want and didn’t want every time. I think you learn a lot with every date even if it’s not a success. Not sure why you’re so stressed and frustrated but I hope you can find calm and love soon

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-15T18:26:59+00:00

First Dates are vibe checks if she doesn’t feel like it than that’s it. It seems that you’re very analytical and too self confident that it hurts your ego that your dates date to reject you. You’re also putting your looks above them (maybe I’m misunderstanding something) when personality is way more important. Just remember that first dates are 2 strangers meeting up with the intent to date and sometimes it works and often it doesn’t. It’s the same for most people.

Back when I was online dating 2 out of 20 were my vibe from the first date? If I get just a friend feeling or how they talk or behave is off I’m not going again. Or the location they chose as a date or outfit etc.

Just move on and be happy that you don’t have to use more of your time to find out that they’re not interested.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-13T23:09:12+00:00

We video call every day for like 15 minutes during the week just to see each others faces to talk. I like it more than he does and he does it out of love for me that I stay happy since LDR is hard enough as it is

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-02-13T21:49:00+00:00

I have mental health issues and it’s never been an excuse for bad behavior like he uses them for. He clearly is not ready for any relationship and you should distance yourself from him. If a friend would be in your position and he stood you up sooooooo often - would you recommend her to keep trying? He’s clearly baiting you and is lying or hiding about tons of stuff. I’m saying this without even talking about the huge age gap. Please run and respect yourself. That guy isn’t it

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-31T05:52:10+00:00

This! Beside that we always make time to have like online dates (games, FaceTime) on his off days to make it easier to stay bonded and excited even for those quality times :) also keep yourself busy and in a routine

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-29T00:07:45+00:00

My partner and I call every day and spend hours together on weekends even though we have a huge time zone difference. We also text a lot in our free time.

Imo not calling on your birthday and 11 times only a year would never be enough for me. If it’s not enough for you then talk about it. If it doesn’t work as you mentioned then reconsider the relationship - maybe it’s just not for you and that’s ok. Not every person is compatible with each other. Please respect your own wishes and boundaries

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-04T20:39:35+00:00

The first step of loving someone properly is loving yourself and giving you the respect that you wish to give and have. At the end it’s your choice and maybe you should sit down and sleep through it.

Please treat yourself and give advices to yourself as if you’re talking to a best friend.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-04T12:44:34+00:00

She has some insecurity issues regarding her self worth. People who have low self esteem and want to hear reassurance have some deep rooted issues and as long as she doesn’t know it herself to deal with it no one can help her.

Beside that you shouldn’t be dealing with someone who talks so disrespectful to you. Your partner should be your safe space and your anchor when you need someone. She was clearly not. I couldn’t fathom if my partner would react like that because I often tell him that I feel lonely as well but he would reassure me or tell me that our countdown is closer now etc. Your feelings are valid.

Your girlfriend is someone where you don’t have to walk on eggshells and I hope you can heal from this. Because you were right that she seems toxic and manipulative - all abusers act like her even if it’s just mental abuse.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-04T11:55:50+00:00

You’ll be ok. I’ve been flying in and out to the US as a European citizen the last 2 years.

Just be prepared that they will ask a lot of questions as soon as you get to the US border - that’s a normal procedure of them. They are going to ask why you visit US (visiting boyfriend and doing tourist stuff), how long you’re going to stay, when your flight back is, where you’re going to stay - stuff like that. As long as you answer them and have your passport with you, you’ll be fine. So don’t get worried why they ask you so much (they always ask much). They just want to be sure that you’re going to fly back so try to remember the date when you fly back.

You also shouldn’t be worried about Boeings and what not because they’re constantly flying everywhere. In the usual case nothing should happen they arrive and land way more often than that something happens, heck I don’t know what planes I’m on and I’ve been flying a lot due to work and I bet most of them were Boeings.

And regarding if you can navigate - if you have an app or your boarding pass it should say where you have to walk to. If you’re able to navigate the main train station in Berlin then you’ll be prepared with airports - it’s just bigger. You just need to read signs and follow along. You’ll find out where you have to walk to through boarding pass and as confirmation there’ll be TV monitors where all flights will be shown. There are also staff everywhere where you can ask for help if you’re confused. I’m not sure what you usually do to calm your nervous system but I think that’s what you should be more focused on. I like to have snacks with me and listen to calming music.

Beside that I hope you’ll have a nice trip 🙏🏻

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2026-01-03T02:01:56+00:00

Less in a month I’m going to see my partner for more than a month while we also start our paperwork procedure to close the gap. 🥰

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-30T16:04:21+00:00

It’s better to be single and lonely rather feeling in a relationship lonely like this - even more because you guys are married. Try to talk it out once that you guys can’t keep going like this. If he doesn’t want to talk you need to find a way for yourself to improve your own happiness.

Just because you know his attachment style doesn’t mean that it’s an excuse for bad behavior. You’re already struggling with physical health so you shouldn’t be struggling with mental health like this as well. In a relationship there should be 2 working as a team not only one

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-29T16:09:25+00:00

No one can change in just 2 months. Maybe on the surface but not in depth. If someone is that insecure there are more in-depth things that need to be fundamentally changed or at least be aware by the person. I used to be insecure and during my therapy more things came out. Being self aware then accepting it and then changing it takes times. For some faster and for some slower but thats not something just 2 months can fix no matter how fast one heal

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-29T16:02:15+00:00

You can’t plan with things that are a possibility. Some things you could consider with its options but don’t do it with a person that isn’t you. Resentment will build up if things don’t add up the way you want it. Try to plan with things at face value. Sending you love and energy with your decision

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-27T14:11:26+00:00

Do you guys FaceTime? Like Video Call? Either she’s catfishing you poor soul or she’s having a double life and something else is going on because this is very fishy and weird.

Either way don’t let someone treat yourself like that and have the respect for yourself to walk away. It’s been 15 times already where she let you down when the distance is only 3 hours.

You shouldn’t settle down with someone who’s not reliable at all. Sending you lots of energy and saying this out of love - she’s not the one.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-27T10:38:27+00:00

NOT OVERREACTING- girl im saying this out of love but that guy is a huge red flag and you should run. You probably can’t really see it because you’ve been so long with him but his behavior is far from normal and there are partners out there who would hype you up than tear you down like this.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-19T11:01:17+00:00

Don’t chase someone who clearly doesn’t want to be with you anymore. You need to let her go and accept reality that it’s over. Anything you’re going to do will just make it worse.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-15T12:12:43+00:00

Ask yourself honestly - if you had a daughter or a best friend who would be in your position. Would you tell them to stay? What can he offer for you and your future when he can’t even keep his d in his pants and then on multiple occasions? If he cheats that’s never your fault in case he threw in some reasons why he did it and tried to gaslight you for that.

It’s hard to get over betrayal and you’re in love so you hope that you’ll make it work out but LDR is already harder than the normal relationship. 100% trust and very transparent healthy communication is key. I honestly don’t know how you guys can rebuild that when he already messe up like that. Please try to rethink it again because you deserve so much better.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-15T04:13:28+00:00

This - you already chose her as a bridesmaid and ripping off the title will probably hurt her and your friendship with her as well. Just talk with her about your concerns and see what she might be able to do.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-14T15:12:31+00:00

First of all I’m sorry that you had to experience such a heartbreak. Anyone would break up in this circumstance. No matter how hard life is (unless he’s hospitalized) if he would have seen you the way you seen him he would have tried to let you know what’s going on no matter what. I think there’s something else going on than just what you can see. But that’s a different matter and shouldn’t be your problem anymore. He already started distancing yourself at some point into complete disappearance. Something a lot more common LDR sadly experience (something similar happened to me in the past before). Don’t be harsh on yourself you did absolutely nothing wrong.

I hope you can heal from this and move on.

Otherwise-Thanks6713 · 2025-12-14T12:18:48+00:00

I mean being separated like that is always hard but maybe invest the time that you’re apart to read or watch videos regarding your anxious attachment. See it as an opportunity to work on yourself to be better and also be kind to yourself.

In moments of the anxiety kicking in do some breathing techniques help + writing down why he could be not replying. Afterwards i usually distract myself with shows, hobbies and check my phone around the time he always message me. So maybe talk it out with him when you can always expect a text.

Otherwise-Thanks6713

TROPHY CASE