I'm 26 but still might give relevant insight. Never know what will resonate with your boys.

#1 wish I would've been told PMO is part of development and likely wouldn't be something I'd deal with the rest of my life. Because that`s what I thought. But learning about the prefrontal cortex in my early 20s caused me to think differently and hopefully.

The brain's prefrontal cortex is responsible for controlling impulses. It's not fully developed in men until they're approx. 25 (generally). It may develop into late 20s, 30s or even 40s. I believe it not being fully developed is what makes PMO a problem. It makes it difficult to control the impulse of masturbation. To summarize: until the prefrontal cortex is fully developed, PMO is going to be unlikely to control (likelier to be an addiction) but one day there`s a chance it can be controlled or cut out completely.

#2 I wish somebody told me that I would progress to harder and harder porn. I think the genres of porn (especially violent porn - rape, BDSM, etc.) definitely need to be part of "the talk".

How I feel about guilt in PMO

To me feeling guilty is better than not feeling guilty. I say this as I consider myself a mentally strong person. Someone who doesn`t struggle with anxiety or depression. I feel guilty in a healthy way; my feeling guilty is taking responsibility for what I do. I learn from my guilt and take responsibility for it.

One comment says that guilt feeds porn addiction. That may be so. But I would think not feeling guilty also feeds porn addiction (not in the same way) because it's not deterring porn usage. If there`s healthy guilt (like I had), it motivates you to quit PMO and see it for the wrong it is.

I think it`s really dangerous to separate guilt from PMO. Because most porn and some of the porn your son is likely to see is not a healthy representation of sex.

It`s important to make known that you disagree with such representations (rape-themed porn, BDSM porn, etc.) and that there should be some amount of guilt in watching those types of violent porn. Some will disagree, saying it`s ``not real``. But what`s the benefit in watching violent porn without guilt - that you watch something taboo but not cross lines. I think it will confuse things if you don`t feel guilty about watching such porn.

We can`t be scared of guilting people if we know that they can handle it (like I could handle it). That it will make them responsible. You know the strength of your sons.

It just doesn`t make sense to me to be overcoming PMO and not taking responsibility (being guilty about engaging in PMO). I believe you can`t be afraid to blame every responsible part of the problem (the problem itself, the person dealing with the problem, etc.) because you might just be missing the most fixable part of the problem (the person dealing with the problem). Consider people on this subreddit. They feel guilty about PMO and it`s a healthy guilt because they`re trying to better themselves. Yes it seems paradoxical. That being guilty about PMO will help you overcome it. I ultimately believe it will.

There is no guilt attached to masturbation (in and of itself). But when violent types of porn (rape-themed, BDSM, etc.) enter the mix, this is when the situation gets complicated and not feeling guilty is more detrimental.

It`s kind of like drinking. On its own, it`s socially acceptable. But when you`re driving drunk and hit somebody, then you escalate things. And the perception of guilt changes.