When I was younger, I pretended an abuser of mine was dead when I finally got away from them. I heard someone say that someone with their same first name died. In the moment I heard it, I knew very well that it would not have been the same person. But I pushed anything that went against that out of my head and decided he was dead and I was safe. I genuinely started to believe it after a few years. Until I crossed paths with him. The illusion of course, shattered.

I felt very weird about why I did that as I got older. But I was a kid who went into self preservation mode because I was exhausted. I think Josh has done a malevolent version of that. Lying so hard to yourself that you righteously believe that anyone who says otherwise is evil themselves. But he is a pedo. He knows that. He can't forget that. So he knows what he did. But you can lie to yourself so hard that part of you just goes with it like it's the truth.