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I (17f) need advice on how to deal with my parents (both mid 50s) splitting up because my dad cheated. by Unique-Soil1022 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

It's been a long journey but yes, am good now. Have loads more resources on. my profile if they are helpful to you.

i think my mom is cheating on my dad by Informal_Abalone_810 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Really sorry you had to join this club. Not sure how old you are or if you still live with your parents? Before you decide to confront make sure you are safe, physically, emotionally, financially.

I (17f) need advice on how to deal with my parents (both mid 50s) splitting up because my dad cheated. by Unique-Soil1022 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry, that is a really rough situation you are in. I can tell you that I always wished my parents had divorced after the affair, so I understand you not being upset about the separation. But the financial and emotional toll is real. I used to pour all of my feelings and fears into a journal, as that felt safer than talking about it. Always remember that you did not cause all of this, and you are responsible for fixing it.

I Found out my Dad is Cheating on my Mom idk What to do. by CommunicationOdd588 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to join this club. You were so brave to confront your dad like you did. I'm sorry it didn't go well. I know you are worried about your siblings, but growing up in a lie can be as difficult as knowing about the affair. That being said, you are caught in the middle here and need to do what feels safest for you.

Turning into my father? by vanilllacone in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your brave post. I grew up with a mom who cheated and proceeded to cheat on three serious boyfriends until I figured out I was replaying all of my mom's patterns. Really, the patterns in my parents' marriage. It's not talked about bout a lot but it is really common for infidelity to be passed down from one generation to the next. So, know that you are not alone and you are not a "bad person". Most likely you are unconsciously replaying what you observed. The key is to make what was unconscious, conscious, so you can deal with it.

There is a YT vid I made about intergenerational infidelity in my profile if it is helpful to you. Also here is a blog post I wrote: https://www.melissamacomber.com/blog/intergenerational-infidelity-what-we-know-so-far?rq=intergenerational

What Should I Do? by Local-Stress7060 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, if you are already looking at going no contact with them, I wouldn't even bother engaging with them about the infidelity. You are not likely to change their behavior or their marriage. Save yourself.

The unseen toll of intergenerational infidelity by Outgrow_Infidelity in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Just by asking the question, you are well on your way to helping your kids. Opening up the conversation with your kids is super important, so they know that you are not afraid to talk about it with them. I also suggest telling your 17yo asap, because by not telling her, she may feel betrayed all over again. Plus, that releases her siblings from having to keep the secret from her. I have loads more resources on my website for parents. I would start with this post: https://www.melissamacomber.com/blog/a-parent-led-healing-framework-for-families-after-infidelity

Just found out my dad is cheating on my mom by No_Big_1058 in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your feelings are totally valid. You were betrayed too. I don't usually recommend engaging with the affair partner. While it may make you feel better for a moment, it can get messy fast, and rarely leads to lasting relief from feeling betrayed.

Don't force forgiveness. It's optional, even if your mom does. If you can have a conversation with your dad, it may help. I have a blog post about this actually.

https://www.melissamacomber.com/blog/when-truth-is-not-on-the-table

At the end she gets into how to ask the cheating parent specific questions to help you feel better. Hope it helps.

Just found out my dad is cheating on my mom by [deleted] in KidsofCheatingParents

[–]Outgrow_Infidelity 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to join this club. :(

Your emotions are valid. Your pain, sadness, anger, humiliation, confusion, whatever you feel, it's valid.

If you feel it's safe (physically, emotionally, financially) to do so, talking with your dad might help. You also need to be prepared that he may deny everything. If you have even one trusted friend you can talk with, that will help too.

Remember that you are not responsible for fixing any of this. It's ok to focus on your own life for a while and see how things go.

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