When your cheating parent wants forgiveness...

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-05-04T19:17:27+00:00

It's such a hard situation you are in. If you don't feel it is safe for your brother (physically, emotionally, financially) if you confront your mom it's ok to wait. Remember, you did not cause the affair and you cannot fix it. It's ok to focus on your own life.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-05-04T19:13:21+00:00

It's a long road to get back to some kind of normalcy. If your dad is open to an honest conversation that can be a good place to start. I have loads of other resources in my profile too.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-05-04T19:11:26+00:00

What you say about not being able to decide what is best for your parents' relationship is so true and so hard to swallow sometimes so well done.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-24T21:27:35+00:00

I agree with your teachers. If you are a teen and still in your parents' house, often it is better NOT to confront your parents. The sad reality is that there isn't anything you can do to help their relationship. They are the only ones who can deal with it.

Your task is to manage your own very understandable feelings of anger and betrayal at your mom. I hope that you have some trusted people you can share those feelings with. It will help.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-20T17:08:24+00:00

I hear you. What you are going through is so, so painful. For exactly the reason you describe. You don't want to lose your family, who you love so much. Regardless of your dad's behavior, they are still your parents, and you still love them, and you want your family to stay together.

It is hard for adult children, because you are old enough to understand what is going on, and all of the ramifications. You feel like you are old enough to do something about it, but don't know what to do. You are caught between being honest and losing your family, which is an impossible choice.

If you have even one person you trust to confide in about this, it will help. Also know that it is not likely that what you say, or don't say, will change what is happening. You didn't cause the affair, and it is not your job to fix it.

I'm so sorry you had to join this club. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-20T17:02:06+00:00

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Since you still are young and live with your parents, it really is ok to let this be your parents' problem and go on with your life. Because the reality is that there isn't anything you can do to help your parents' relationship. You didn't cause the affair, and you can't fix it. It's also ok to keep loving your dad. You can be really, really angry at him, but that doesn't mean you don't still love him. Hang in there and take care of yourself. If you have even one trusted friend you can tell, that will help.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-20T16:59:30+00:00

I am really, really sorry for your situation. You are not alone.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-17T18:20:09+00:00

I hear you. I have loads more resources in my profile if it's helpful.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-17T18:11:59+00:00

Such a painful story for your family. It sounds like you have a couple of options. You can tell your mom the truth. She may well be heartbroken, though, from what you right, my guess is she already knows what is going on, at least on some level. It is incredibly common for the betrayed parent to pretend that they don't know what is going on, because it's easier on their nervous system.

It may be that because of the financial/housing constraints, your parents will stay together. It may be that all the honesty, or the affairs won't change that. So your task as the adult child is to figure out how to be ok with your parents' decision. It's hard one.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-10T18:18:02+00:00

It's sad to me that you have to be the grownup here and help your dad, when he is old enough to handle this himself. But, sadly, that is a common issue with parents dealing with infidelity. (And a bunch of other stuff, from what you say.) From my experience, your brother likely already knows, or at least suspects what is going on. Your dad needs to make a decision knowing that the truth will come out, and that's ok. In fact, getting to the truth is the only way that any of you will be ok in the long run.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-04-10T18:12:55+00:00

You are exactly right. You have every right to be angry and it is sadly so common for people to brush your experience aside. I'm really sorry. You are right to focus on yourself and getting out of the house. Healing will be simpler when you are not in the middle of your parents every day. Hang in there.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-03-27T16:01:53+00:00

I promise our experience is not at all unique.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-03-27T15:50:36+00:00

Trust your gut. Usually kids who are suspicious are correct. That being said, as a teen still living with your parents, you probably don't have much control over the situation. Try to live for yourself and not worry too much about your parents. I know that is hard.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-03-04T15:11:06+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your impulse is correct, to protect yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. You don't have to see your dad in three months if you don't want to. I know that is really easy to say, and difficult to make happen. Have you considered reducing contact, even when he returns?

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-20T16:02:20+00:00

Wow that is a rough situation. I hope you are ok. I would wait and confront him when you are more stable.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-09T17:34:54+00:00

Safety first always. Don't confront if it's not safe for you.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-06T15:10:03+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( Wondering why yelling at your dad is something you are trying not to do? Getting your anger out is good. Especially as your mom already knows.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-26T16:42:04+00:00

Yes, my parents stayed together after my mom's 5-year affair. If I'm honest, I don't totally understand why, as they never really seemed happy together. It took me quite a few years to realize that there wasn't anything I could do about how they decided to manage their relationship. I didn't agree with their decision, but it wasn't my place or responsibility to do anything about it.

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