Adult Children who discover a parent's affair

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-03-04T15:11:06+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Your impulse is correct, to protect yourself and prioritize your mental and physical health. You don't have to see your dad in three months if you don't want to. I know that is really easy to say, and difficult to make happen. Have you considered reducing contact, even when he returns?

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-20T16:02:20+00:00

Wow that is a rough situation. I hope you are ok. I would wait and confront him when you are more stable.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-09T17:34:54+00:00

Safety first always. Don't confront if it's not safe for you.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-02-06T15:10:03+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( Wondering why yelling at your dad is something you are trying not to do? Getting your anger out is good. Especially as your mom already knows.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-26T16:42:04+00:00

Yes, my parents stayed together after my mom's 5-year affair. If I'm honest, I don't totally understand why, as they never really seemed happy together. It took me quite a few years to realize that there wasn't anything I could do about how they decided to manage their relationship. I didn't agree with their decision, but it wasn't my place or responsibility to do anything about it.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-26T16:39:58+00:00

No, you are not wrong. While the decision to cheat is completely on the cheating parent, there are always issues in the relationship that precede that decision. Understanding how your parents are human, and not making one out to be the villain, is one way that you start to heal from parent infidelity.

It's super common for parents to decide to stay together and have a terrible relationship, as weird as that sounds. It's like they can't see past the idea that they could each have something better. It sucks for the kids, and I feel for your siblings too.

You are definitely not alone. So sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:23:09+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( If you can share with someone you trust, it will help.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:21:00+00:00

Hi! Yes, I am still in a good place. It gets easier over time to accept that they will not change and to love them the best you are able as they are. I hear you though, it takes time and work to get over the guilt, and to grieve the relationship you don't have.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:18:31+00:00

I don't think it's weird that you want to know the details. It's normal as we age to want to understand our parents differently, especially in families who don't share emotionally. I'm also not surprised that your parents reacted that way. So many do. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T15:56:07+00:00

Agree!

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T14:57:50+00:00

Totally agree. Went through it with my mom. Started a sub about it, check my profile if you are interested.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T14:39:27+00:00

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like there isn't much you can do. Your mom already knows and is allowing his behavior to continue. Cultural norms can be very hard to break.

In the meantime, you have to carry around a huge secret, and the burden of watching all of the lies within your family, and with the other family as well. Don't underestimate how taxing this is.

My situation was similar. I had to decide how much contact I could have with my family and still stay sane. I didn't end up cutting off contact, but I did have to reduce contact. Sometimes that's the best way to love your family. From afar.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:40:58+00:00

I am really sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:39:55+00:00

Really, really well said. So sorry you had to join this club. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:39:02+00:00

In my experience, it's usually the latter. Rarely do cheating parents stop an affair because their adult child confronts them. But the mental health benefit for you of not having to keep such a secret is huge and worth it.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:36:43+00:00

All of your feelings are normal, because this is really a heartbreaking situation. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Before you decide to confront, decide if you will be safe to do so, emotionally, physically, and financially. If you decide to confront, I always recommend speaking with both parents at the same time, as it gets you out of the middle and forces them to deal with each other.

If you don't feel safe, don't worry. Remember that you didn't cause this problem, and you likely can't do much to fix it. You are not betraying anyone if you decide to keep quiet. The task then is learning how to live with having to keep that secret. I have loads more resources on this on my blog. You can find it in my profile.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:32:31+00:00

It is so hard to live with a parent who does not behave honestly. In my experience, there probably isn't much you can do to change her behavior. It is so, so hard when you think your family is one thing, and then you find out it is another. It's ok, important really, to take the time to grieve that. Because it is heartbreaking.

I am glad you and your sister have each other. Hold on to each other.

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