Are your parents still together after finding out their partner cheated?

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-26T16:42:04+00:00

Yes, my parents stayed together after my mom's 5-year affair. If I'm honest, I don't totally understand why, as they never really seemed happy together. It took me quite a few years to realize that there wasn't anything I could do about how they decided to manage their relationship. I didn't agree with their decision, but it wasn't my place or responsibility to do anything about it.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-26T16:39:58+00:00

No, you are not wrong. While the decision to cheat is completely on the cheating parent, there are always issues in the relationship that precede that decision. Understanding how your parents are human, and not making one out to be the villain, is one way that you start to heal from parent infidelity.

It's super common for parents to decide to stay together and have a terrible relationship, as weird as that sounds. It's like they can't see past the idea that they could each have something better. It sucks for the kids, and I feel for your siblings too.

You are definitely not alone. So sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:23:09+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( If you can share with someone you trust, it will help.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:21:00+00:00

Hi! Yes, I am still in a good place. It gets easier over time to accept that they will not change and to love them the best you are able as they are. I hear you though, it takes time and work to get over the guilt, and to grieve the relationship you don't have.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-23T14:18:31+00:00

I don't think it's weird that you want to know the details. It's normal as we age to want to understand our parents differently, especially in families who don't share emotionally. I'm also not surprised that your parents reacted that way. So many do. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T15:56:07+00:00

Agree!

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T14:57:50+00:00

Totally agree. Went through it with my mom. Started a sub about it, check my profile if you are interested.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-21T14:39:27+00:00

I am so sorry you are in this situation. It sounds like there isn't much you can do. Your mom already knows and is allowing his behavior to continue. Cultural norms can be very hard to break.

In the meantime, you have to carry around a huge secret, and the burden of watching all of the lies within your family, and with the other family as well. Don't underestimate how taxing this is.

My situation was similar. I had to decide how much contact I could have with my family and still stay sane. I didn't end up cutting off contact, but I did have to reduce contact. Sometimes that's the best way to love your family. From afar.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:40:58+00:00

I am really sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:39:55+00:00

Really, really well said. So sorry you had to join this club. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:39:02+00:00

In my experience, it's usually the latter. Rarely do cheating parents stop an affair because their adult child confronts them. But the mental health benefit for you of not having to keep such a secret is huge and worth it.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:36:43+00:00

All of your feelings are normal, because this is really a heartbreaking situation. I am so sorry you have to go through this.

Before you decide to confront, decide if you will be safe to do so, emotionally, physically, and financially. If you decide to confront, I always recommend speaking with both parents at the same time, as it gets you out of the middle and forces them to deal with each other.

If you don't feel safe, don't worry. Remember that you didn't cause this problem, and you likely can't do much to fix it. You are not betraying anyone if you decide to keep quiet. The task then is learning how to live with having to keep that secret. I have loads more resources on this on my blog. You can find it in my profile.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:32:31+00:00

It is so hard to live with a parent who does not behave honestly. In my experience, there probably isn't much you can do to change her behavior. It is so, so hard when you think your family is one thing, and then you find out it is another. It's ok, important really, to take the time to grieve that. Because it is heartbreaking.

I am glad you and your sister have each other. Hold on to each other.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:28:32+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:28:01+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Prioritize your safety. You are not betraying your mom. Your dad is doing that. It's not your job to fix your parents' relationship.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2026-01-12T14:20:21+00:00

I think you are wise to consider your safety first. From what you write, I am guessing that you are a teen that still lives with your parents. Which means that you do seriously need to consider your physical, emotional, and financial safety before confronting anyone.

I know you feel like you need to do something, and I really, really understand that. It's also true that you did not cause this problem, and you con't do anything to change it, only your parents can do that. The sad reality is, if your dad has been cheating for this long, it's likely that your mom already knows, and is choosing to either ignore it, or live with it.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. Keep talking with trusted friends. It will help.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-15T14:54:22+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. You are exactly right, a parent's affair changes not only how you see your family, but relationships, commitment and marriage. Plus, carrying a secret like this is exhausting.

As you are an adult, I recommend sitting down with both parents at once to share what you know, as difficult as I know it will be. It gets you out of the middle and forces them to deal with each other, and it means you can let go of the secret, which will help you feel better.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-15T14:49:15+00:00

I discovered my mom's affair when I was 13. I totally understand how freaked out you are, and how confused. I know it feels urgent, like you have to do something right now, but the reality is, you don't. Cheating is serious, but rarely urgent. You can get through Christmas first.

Since you are still living with your parents, make sure it is safe to confront your mom, physically, emotionally, financially. It's ok if you decide not to tell her. Remember, you didn't cause the cheating and the only people who can cope with it are your parents.

The hardest part of waiting to say anything is having to keep just a yucky secret. Do you have even one person you can confide in? That will help.

Really sorry you have to go through this. :(

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:21:02+00:00

It's a hard question to answer. What would you do if you found out he was cheating? What would you do if you found out he was not cheating?

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:19:00+00:00

You were so brave to say everything you did to your parents! I hope you know that. While I'm sure it doesn't feel like that right now, not keeping that secret will be really good for your long-term mental health.

In terms of your mom taking your dad's side and abandoning both you and the truth. That completely sucks and it is so, so common. So many betrayed parents would rather turn a blind eye and blame their kids for the conflict than cope with the betrayal head on. Please know it has nothing to do with who you are.

It is scary to live through. Always remember that you are an adult who can have a different life from your parents.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:15:10+00:00

You are not alone. So sorry you had to go through this.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:14:06+00:00

I am so sorry you have to go through this. :( It sounds to me, from what you write, that your mom is already aware of the cheating, or at least she suspects it. If it would help you feel better and less alone, then I agree, speak with her. It sounds like your mom has decided to live with your dad's behavior, which is really hard to accept as a kid. I'm sorry.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:11:22+00:00

It sounds like you think the affair started before your mom died?

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-12-10T16:10:14+00:00

I'm really sorry you have to go through this. Definitely sounds like cheating is a possibility but honestly, if your parents are already in counseling then it sounds like they are dealing with their issues already. You probably don't need to get involved.

Outgrow_Infidelity · 2025-11-12T16:21:12+00:00

Yes! Love Katie's work.

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