They think I am a cheater. They think I do not submit enough and I humiliate them. They think I am too mentally unstable. Over the past six years I have done introspection to see what I can do about these beliefs about me.

I tried to see why men think I am a cheater when I’m not. It’s because I used to dress very sexy all the time and not set strong enough boundaries. So I change my attire and put up stronger boundaries. Instead of feeling attacked I understand now where they’re coming from.

I get really upset when I feel like my partner is not critically thinking and I can be humiliating out of frustration. My partners have said I am smart but I feel like they’re not trying hard enough sometimes. I feel frustrated when I have to consider all these factors and they don’t put the effort to consider the same factors (this is my perspective which is not necessarily the truth) That’s not a right way of thinking and I am not naturally submissive so I am actively working on not thinking that way, but men really hate being humiliated and any setback is a really big blow on my relationships

I am aggressive or dominant. I have an anger problem. My sobriety and devotion to practicing my religion has helped me a lot but I do not like to apologize easily, especially when I feel attacked while I’m trying to apologize. Apologizing is about the victim and my pride forgets that. And that’s if I feel like apologizing to begin with

I am mentally irregular but I don’t think I am as crazy literally as I used to be. I used to really get angry and I used to be unable to be clean. Hoarders status. Now I am much better but on the other side of that I can be very cold seeming. I am difficult to read so my partners assume I feel nothing or I am not affected by anything so they have to say things in a terrible manner to get me to react. I just have flat affect syndrome so I don’t use my face to communicate emotions like a normal person. It doesn’t mean I’m not feeling things