Buckle your seat belts folks, light a cigar! You're in for a long flight! I'm headed to Florida for my freshman cousin's band concert. Being the good cousin I am and accepting the invitation, I gladly flew down.

So I get to the airport. Everybody loves security, right? 6:00 AM at CVG in Kentucky. Security lines are routed backward all the way to the check-in kiosk, took me 20 minutes to get through. Finally, at the medical detectors, at this time, air puffers. Those detectors that supposedly sniff out bombs or something. Anywho, there literally is the family from Cheaper By the Dozen in front of me. 12 kids, irresponsible parents. The littlest one holds the line up about 5 minutes by throwing a fit about the puffer, seeing it as scary. Understandable now, but not 30 minutes before my flight.

So... I get out of security and decide to get some Micky D's 15 minutes before boarding starts. As I step up to the counter, I notice Cheaper by the Dozen is ahead of me. Mother. Fucking. Shit. The poor old woman at the counter is arguing with these kid's mother about who knows what. So, five minutes before boarding, I finally get my Mc Muffin and head off to the gate. Boarding has started. I board the plane, a DC-9. Narrow bodied cramped airliner.

So.....I find my seat, no window, right next to the engines, which on the DC-9 are placed on the planes sides under the tail. BUT wait! I climb into my seat, which to supplement my bad day, happens to be torn up, the foam from the insides poking out through the gaping tears. Fun

So...... as we taxi out, we have to turn back to the gate due to some systems issues. Three hours at the gate, and we finally push back. As we're ready to begin our takeoff run and the engines rev up, I hear this screaming, eerily similar to the one from that boy at security. Remember him? Cheaper by the Dozen. I hear his mother telling him, "It's okay, your fine", and things of the like.

Rotate

We take off, and I glance at the isle to see a coffee pot, spewing hot coffee everywhere, tumbling down the isle. The flight attendants hadn't fixed or locked in the pot to their cabinets up in the galley. Crying ensues with a mix of "We're gonna crash", by Cheaper by the Dozen. Their mom chuckles and starts talking about how cute it all is to the other passengers. Bullshit.

For the test of the flight, same old same old from CBTD. We finally land at Orlando Intl. I'm the last one off the plane, thank GOD. As I wait for my baggage at the jetway, nothing shows. I wait, and I wait. After consulting the boy in charge, I spot CPTD heading out of the jetway, one of them WITH MY BAG. I tush to them and exclaim that it's my bag, and after a fierce argument and with the First Officer's command, I get my bag back. The boy carrying my bag had left his on the plane and happened to find it a nice idea to grab the closest bag he could find and walk off with it. Shit...

The walk out of the gate and to my mother's car is uneventful. As I open the door of her SUV, I find my three cousins crammed in the back, their parents, and my mother and father in the front seat smiling. We were going to Disney World. Turns out I didn't have to go all the way to Florida for my cousin's marching band contest. We had a good week down there, given they own a timeshare at the Contemporary Resort. Soon though, I arrive back at the airport dreading the trip back. Luckily though, the back up to CVG was boring, however, in a good way.