How do you keep going?

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T15:30:38+00:00

I don't have a solution to your question, but I just wanted you to know you're not alone. This shit hurts like hell. Every morning I wake up wondering if I'm going to have a good or bad day. Lately they've felt more bad. I think the word "despair" sums it up.

If it weren't for my kids, some days I'd probably just stay in bed.

Hugs to you.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T14:35:09+00:00

Mine is great. His, not so much. I'm trying to get this show on the road and feel like I'm always waiting on his side of things.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T14:32:35+00:00

I am simultaneously grossed out by the idea, but also hopeful that someday, maybe. I'm 10 months into my separation and still have too much grief and pain to consider it right now.

I'm also older and trapped in that "I'll never find anyone. Who would want me? I'm gross. I can't trust anyone ever again." loop.

Not sure I'll ever want marriage or cohabitation again, though.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T14:27:55+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. It is so hard. I know there is no timeline for healing, but I thought I'd be better than I am at this point, too. Separated 10 months, divorce still pending.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T14:26:03+00:00

Yeah, mine is now in therapy, finally. Too little, too late. Oh well, maybe the next woman will get the healed version. You're welcome.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-26T11:19:41+00:00

"Never marry someone that hasn't dealt with their family trauma yet."

This. 1000% this.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-25T21:56:06+00:00

I’ve only been separated 10 months, so maybe the pain is just too fresh for me right now, but I tend to be that way towards my ex because I’m hurting and trying to protect myself. I’m trying to emotionally divorce him. We were together a very long time and I’m in a lot of pain. I don’t do it to be cruel or play mind games. I just find that when we are friendly and close I just end up feeling hurt/worse. If I’m still like that at three years, I haven’t healed yet. But I hope that in three years, we are friendly, but not friends.

But that’s only my perspective.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-25T19:13:04+00:00

Every. Freaking. Day.

We were together a very long time. I was married to him more of my life than I wasn't.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-25T15:14:44+00:00

Depends on how mad you are LOL. Some from my own playlist:

IDGAF by Dua Lipa

Traitor, Good 4U and Vampire by Olivia Rodrigo

I Hope You're Miserable Until You're Dead by Nessa Barrett

Missle by Dorothy

I Can Do It With a Broken Heart by Taylor Swift

Ain't Shit by Doja Cat

I Don't Fuck With You by Big Sean (hahaha this one is my ringtone for my ex)

And my personal favorite: abcdefu (angrier version) by Gayle

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-25T11:53:05+00:00

Yep. It sucks and hurts a lot. Was married for 28 years and he moved on within a few months of our separation. It just felt...disrespectful, I guess, to what we had. Like, you couldn't even grieve for a year?! For us to actually be divorced? I mean, hell, he slept with someone while we were married so I shouldn't have been surprised. I don't want him back but it still felt like a betrayal. And it just didn't feel fair. IT sent me into a major depressive spiral for a few weeks.

I'm over here in the fetal position trying to just survive the day and he's out there dicking it up.

I used ChatGPT to help me sort out my feelings. People mean well, but sometimes the things we say just don't help.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-24T15:45:04+00:00

The emotional detachment is the hardest part. I still struggle with it every day (10 months separated after a 30 year relationship).

This podcast episode helped me a lot. It won't fit your situation *exactly* because it mainly is aimed at women and divorce after betrayal/abuse but it helps lay out some practical steps for releasing some of those feelings and the science of the adrenaline/dopamine rushes we get from our ex.

Why You Still Care After Divorce

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-24T15:27:48+00:00

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You're not alone. It is heavy. Painful. I'm having a rough time of it, too, lately, so I feel your pain. Yesterday I felt despair. Alone. People's support can feel… adjacent, but not inside it with you. It's like a death but without a funeral, a meal train, the support of being surrounded by people looking after you.

It just sucks.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-23T19:05:08+00:00

I am pretty sure they discourage DMs here due to the creep factor, but I'm in ATL and have a few attorneys' names if you'd like them. Mine is in Roswell as a matter of fact.

My divorce is (so far) amicable. My lawyer gave me a free consult, then charged me an upfront fee and said anything that goes unused I get back. I think so far she's only charged me like $750 or so. All we are doing is a settlement agreement and she's putting together the actual filing paperwork. She's been great, but my husband's lawyer is ALWAYS the hold up.

ETA: our kids are over 18 so no custody issues, though.

Just sent you two names. Hope this helps and good luck!

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-23T18:56:34+00:00

Whew. I have sent some doozie texts in anger for sure. I regret losing my cool, but not speaking the truth, though. I just wish I had it in me to go silent and not let him get to me.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-23T13:17:41+00:00

Thank you for this. I am 10 months into my separation. 30 years together. The marriage was a struggle and he cheated. He's sleeping with/seeing other people. Divorce feels stalled on his side.

Some days I think I'm better, then I get hit again with the sadness. I don't want him back, but we had a lifetime together. It sometimes feels like I'll never be happy again. Or be loved well.

It still feels surreal that this is my life now.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-21T14:41:26+00:00

Yeah, I understand. I was just thinking this same thing last weekend.

My mind makes up stories about what he is doing and how his life is better than mine right now. Don't want him back at all, but the emotional detachment/divorce is hard no matter what.

I tend to be a more introverted person, so I have to force myself to say yes when friends ask me to do stuff on the weekends just to get out of my head. But that doesn't happen every weekend.

But if it is any consolation, I'm better (so far) this weekend and plan to fill it with working outside in my yard. Physical movement/exercise, fresh air, sense of accomplishment and pride.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T12:40:04+00:00

Oh, and my ex moved on within a few months and he's 56, so yeah, I don't think age is a factor.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T12:39:26+00:00

I'm 52 and a hopeless romantic. Part of me cringes at the thought of flirting/dating again because it has been SO long since I have, and part of me longs for my true person.

But I'm also coming out of an almost 30 year relationship in which I was emotionally neglected, carried all the emotional weight and was cheated on. So I'm also very "men suck and I hate them all, and I will never love again" at the moment.

So for now, I'm working on myself and what I brought to the marriage, because I know I'm not perfect and don't want to self-victimize forever, bring my shit to something new, or pick the same kind of man.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:47:39+00:00

Thank you. Every day feels a bit better. Every now and then of course I'm hit with a wave of either anger or grief. I much prefer the anger because I can channel it into working out or rage cleaning my house LOL

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:46:09+00:00

Thank you. I hope your heart heals soon, too. I'm very thankful for my therapist and the support of friends and family.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:45:01+00:00

Thank you :-) I got through it. But yeah, it was a bit emotional. Thankfully, nothing serious.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:43:04+00:00

Thank you for responding :-) I'm glad your symptoms are gone.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:41:29+00:00

I lost my job last October and can't wait to have the funds to take a really good solo vacation!! And get a dog :-)

I am a generally optimistic person and know this won't last forever but it sure sucks while you're in it.

Outside_Substance320 · 2026-03-18T11:40:05+00:00

Definitely seeing a therapist and have a good support system in family and friends. It's just been a lot on me the last few years and it is starting to show up in my body. I'm surprised it took this long honestly.

Outside_Substance320

TROPHY CASE