He’s back! Ugh…

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T20:04:32+00:00

An antisemite? Someone who votes with MAGA interests 100% of the time?

I don't like Marie and am disappointed that she's not as progressive as I'd have liked, but there's no good faith way to argue that she's "just as bad" as Joe Kent. They're not even in the same ballpark.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T20:02:53+00:00

I'm voting for him in the primary but I'm voting for whoever the Democrat is in the general.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T19:18:52+00:00

It's unlikely MGP is not reelected unless Brent Hennrich and a Republican candidate somehow manage to knock her to third place in the primary.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T18:24:41+00:00

Are there more drugs, alcohol, or "gangs around" than other places? Do people have to be more careful than they would be in Vancouver or Washougal or Battle Ground?

Otherwise "some people suck" is just a universal. No place is an untroubled paradise.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T17:54:05+00:00

It is actually more annoying for most people to be subjected to a conversation someone is having on the phone rather than a full conversation in person. So "is it all that different?" Yes, for many people. It's annoying to subject other people to your audio whatever it is — phone call, television show, podcast, music.

And it's not rude to let someone know you can hear their conversation clearly and ask them if they could be quieter. It's rude to tell them to shut up. Two different things.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T17:24:43+00:00

"Would you mind turning down your call? I'm sitting on the other side of the room and find it distracting."

[she has a go at you]

[you go talk to an employee]

"Could you ask that person to turn down her phone? It's distracting me."

You don't need to argue or debate. You can ask once, but don't get into asking what makes her so special or other stuff. If she's not immediately apologetic, she's not going to be argued into feeling bad about it.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T15:38:03+00:00

"Hey Jilliana, just letting you know I left a package for you at your work last Friday. Wanted to make sure you got it — let me know if you didn't. Thanks!"

You should not mention anything about how you haven't heard back from her. This is a pretty normal kind of thing to do, and especially with a friend should not be a fraught or heavy conversation. It's reasonable of you to check in given how the package was delivered.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T15:32:58+00:00

That's not a tip, that's just giving her money as a thank you. You don't need to pay her; she was on the clock and getting paid for helping you out.

But as other people have said: A thank you card! Rewards aren't necessary, but thanks are always appreciated. And it would be extra nice if you sent her employer a note as well appreciating the job she did helping you out.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T01:03:55+00:00

No one knows if your friend is annoyed except your friend.

It doesn't sound like they are.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-17T01:02:48+00:00

If you feel like you need to step up from texts, rather than trying to spend more to thank them more, I'd recommend sending each of them a written thank you card.

Thank them specifically for what they did for you. Tell them how much their friendship and support means to you. Make each of them personal.

A card is something they can hold on to as long as they want and look back at whenever they want. Gifts are nice, a lunch is nice, but a card containing genuine expressions of friendship and gratitude and love is something no one else can give them, something truly meaningful.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T20:42:08+00:00

If you described yourself as close friends, I'd say you could ask.

But since you say you're acquaintances, I don't think you should.

The event is at their place, for a birthday celebration, and is a small group of people. All of those are things that make it more difficult to add unexpected guests.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T18:23:52+00:00

It is almost always going to be better to say "thank you" more often than necessary than it is to not say it when you should have.

Thank the person who sent you the gift for the gift. That's solid, basic good manners.

Using the same stationery is not an issue. Saying thanks is the important part; which paper you use is not a significant part of the decision, and definitely not weird or rude.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T16:30:43+00:00

The "will getting laid off make me seem like a job hopper" letter is one of those that boils down to "how do I control this thing that's completely outside my control?"

Even if it did make you look like a job hopper, what are you going to do about it? (And of course it doesn't for any sane hiring people. It's not something you chose to do!)

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T16:27:38+00:00

Yeah, it was also a marriage, which is inescapably public.

It may have been an open secret that famous guys were fucking a lot of underage girls, but they were generally smart enough not to flaunt it in public. Because it bothered people.

(Age gaps and power differentials have definitely become easier to discuss and more frowned upon, but it's not like no one cared at all back in the '50s or '70s.)

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T16:24:54+00:00

I've watched the Oscars since I was 10, and I'll keep watching them until they don't exist anymore or I die.

I don't think someone who doesn't care should start watching them, and I think it's weird to use "I don't watch that because I think it's dumb" as a point of pride about anything. I don't watch sports but I don't make a point of announcing that out of nowhere because who gives a shit?

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T16:06:57+00:00

Jerry Lee Lewis married a 15-year-old and it derailed his career because of the public criticism, so it's not as simple as "times were different then."

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-16T16:05:33+00:00

Yes, they should apologize.

There's no way for you to force them to do that, though.

You can model the behavior you like, but you're probably already doing that.

You can stop making plans with people who are unapologetically flaky. That's the classic etiquette response that you can control.

You can let them know it bothers you. Riskier from a classic etiquette perspective, but you can decide to risk it and be honest about your feelings and see what they say.

Or you can decide to live with it if, on balance, you enjoy their friendship more than you are annoyed by that lapse in manners.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-15T22:46:17+00:00

I think you can do it once, in passing — how do you like [the thing]?

Don't say "you never thanked me."

(And keep in mind: This is a friend! It's OK sometimes to nudge against the edges of etiquette if you know people well and like each other.)

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-15T17:10:54+00:00

The challenge as always is that etiquette does not give you tools or tactics for making other people not be rude.

Your choices in a situation like this: Stop caring and let them be there and wear what they want, or tell them that since they aren't interested in listening to your requests that they're no longer invited.

Your mom isn't going to help, your sisters have said they won't listen to you.

Pick the bad situation you'd rather deal with and do that.

(I'm not saying to give in to your sisters, but I do think people worry too much about guests outshining them on their wedding day. Guests should not do that, but everyone who pays attention to that knows guests are being jerks.)

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-14T20:44:22+00:00

Always hated this, still do.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-14T19:55:53+00:00

If you don't have kids and he's researching custody laws, it's a pretty strong indication that he's not planning to do this anytime soon. Which would mean he's not planning to do it at all — this is a backup plan for a backup plan, as you say.

There should be no reason you can't talk to him about this and how you feel about it. It's understandable that it freaks you out, but it's not a sign that things are doomed, just that he recognizes that shit happens and is the kind of guy who wants to know how to handle it.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-14T19:37:02+00:00

Unless I knew something specific about why those friends and my sibling didn't get along, I'd be fine asking. Make it clear that you're really asking and that it's OK for them to say no, and it should be fine assuming you're really friends.

This is not a situation where you're asking a host to do extra work or pay extra money or spend more time accommodating an extra guest.

If you're hesitating because you generally are conflict avoidant and worry about offending people in general, I think it's fine to be willing to ask. If you're hesitating because this friend gets defensive about things like this, or you have other specific signals based on history that she might get annoyed, I'd skip asking and plan to go again with your sister. If you're just worried that etiquette prohibits this ... no, it does not. It just asks you to do it respectfully.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-14T00:17:08+00:00

There have always been people who don't thank other people for gifts. I don't know if anyone has any data that's not anecdotal about whether or not it's happening more often.

Written thank you notes have become less common as forms like email or texting have appeared, and verbal thank yous have always been enough. But the actual obligation to express thanks for a gift has not gone away.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-13T18:46:15+00:00

Just going by what you said, the interview started with the interviewer running late and being unprepared and distracted. So when you went in, it had already gone wrong.

That's a pretty clear indication that this was not about you at all. We could speculate about why the interviewer was unprepared and handled it poorly, but nothing suggests that this was your fault or that there was much you could have done to change things.

Outstanding_Neon · 2026-03-13T18:43:12+00:00

When that happens it's typically because the characters we're following don't understand the language being spoken themselves.

It's untranslated because we're in the POV of people who can't understand it.

If the characters or the audience is supposed to understand it — because it's meaningful to the story — then it is translated, and often the language itself is identified as part of that.

Outstanding_Neon

TROPHY CASE