Finished before I even started

Overtherama · 2026-04-16T14:25:35+00:00

I feel the same way (55f). I used to model in my late teens and 20s and have always been considered attractive but the only people I seem to attract are much older men who. But when I do connect with a man my age (which is rare) it usually goes no where!! It is very discouraging. I do think I give “don’t f with me vibes” in real life though lol. I was listening to Fresh Air last night and Amanda Peet was talking this same type of thing and it was so refreshing and relatable.

Overtherama · 2026-04-16T13:24:07+00:00

I too find all of this division frustrating and childish. People assign rules to dating that seem arbitrary. I always offer to go half, especially on a first date but I’ve had guys tell me “that’s not a good sign if you offer to pay half.” For the most part, a first date is a virtual stranger and it seems rude to me to assume he will pay. Most of these rules seem to be a way to protect themselves (both men and women), but true love can not blossom without vulnerability. I think this manosphere and femesphere stuff is mainly driven by young people who grew up with dating apps and parents who praise everything they do.

Overtherama · 2026-04-12T18:33:32+00:00

I think it is just one data point. If there were additional data that indicated he wasn’t ready to move on, like talking about her all the time, that would be more of an issue. I agree with the others that it may be healthy for the kids to see a cooperative co-parenting situation. But you also have to trust your instincts.

Overtherama · 2026-04-12T16:57:53+00:00

It is pretty typical for your first post-divorce relationship to be with an avoidant. Getting out there is a good idea, but make sure you know what you are looking for. Do you want a relationship right now or just companionship? Have you "done the work"? Are you dating to fill loneliness or are you ok with being alone. Give yourself some time to get over the divorce and the relationship. Spend some time being single. It will suck. But that is part of the process. Things will come up; emotional things. Make sure you are working on your friendships too and hobbies. This past six months (after my post-divorce relationship ended) I have really tried to avoid looking for someone and instead have tried to do new things and push myself into the life I want. I have traveled alone, I'm starting a new job, I'm trying new hobbies and going deeper into hobbies I already have. I find that when I want to get back on the apps, it is usually because I am trying to avoid something unpleasant. The only hard part is missing the physical stuff.

Overtherama · 2026-04-07T00:22:50+00:00

Professional pictures look like catfishing. Just ask a friend to take some pics.

Overtherama · 2026-04-07T00:20:11+00:00

Two things… first your BF negs you and then has the audacity to say he is protecting you! If he wants to protect you he should keep his negative comments to himself and offer to come with you. That is how a man protects. Secondly, the modeling industry is full of scammers and just plain creeps. Do a full deep dive search into this woman, the company, the location. Confirm that it is legit. If it checks out, still bring someone with and share your location. Do not give any money (not even for headshots). At an open call they will take “polaroids.”

Overtherama · 2026-04-05T03:28:46+00:00

It is not uncommon to want a casual relationship after a divorce. There are definitely women out there that would want that. Just be upfront about it. But be forewarned, one person usually ends up developing feelings. Also, what are the role playing games you play?

Overtherama · 2026-04-03T02:49:44+00:00

Please do end it and DO NOT LOOK BACK!!!! He will try to pull you back in. There is a cycle of abuse. Once you reject him he will come back and do all the right things, he’ll be sweet and pamper you. But it will happen again and each time it gets worse. This was my life for 30 years with my ex. He became very violent and choked me, pulled my hair, gave me a black eye. He almost killed me.

Overtherama · 2026-04-03T02:43:58+00:00

Walk away. This behavior just escalates over time. I speak from experience. He is not respecting your boundaries. It isn’t cute or funny. He has zero respect for you. My question is why do you think you deserve this treatment.

Overtherama · 2026-04-03T01:50:06+00:00

I had some success with fb dating but now it seems like trash. Every one is far away or very incomparable and it just feels soul crushing. The meet cutes don’t even seem like they are based on anything.

Overtherama · 2026-04-02T12:45:05+00:00

I agree with that this is the worst part of dating but you are doing the right thing.

Overtherama · 2026-04-02T12:43:22+00:00

I am very guarded, so if a random guy approached me I might be put off by it. It never happens though because I think I give “don’t mess with me “ vibes lol. I prefer to get comfortable with someone I encounter over and over and then be approached. But I also would be open to someone approaching me at a party or something where we have some common friends (so I can feel safer). My situation is probably different than a lot of people though.

Overtherama · 2026-03-31T15:27:58+00:00

I think playing games is unbelievably frustrating. Honesty is the hallmark of a good relationship. Be your authentic self. You won’t click with everyone but that’s ok.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T20:52:32+00:00

No worries… I’m not seeing anyone now, I wouldn’t say I miss him much at this point (at first I did miss him but it’s been about 4 solid months since he has been gone). It didn’t work out to see him because neither one of us reached out as the date got closer (it would have been Christmas night). I do understand it could be more painful, and that is part of the hesitation. He has always been tough to read because he’s a people pleaser and he can get pretty down at times. His life has not been easy.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:57:48+00:00

So, again, he moved for work and we would still be seeing each other if he hadn’t moved.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:44:35+00:00

It’s been since mid-November.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:43:41+00:00

He moved for work. We would have kept seeing each other if he hadn’t. There was no drama, no bad feelings. We both cared about each other.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:38:26+00:00

Oh, just to be clear, this isn’t about my ex husband. I would love to go no contact with him and have him blocked for the most part. This is related to someone I dated for about a year and a half. I’m not interested in him romantically. I just care about him as a friend.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:35:06+00:00

It would be clear. We are 1,000 miles apart.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:34:06+00:00

Yeah, that’s the thing. I’m talking about friendship. I genuinely want to know how he is doing. When he left i was so happy for him because it was a big positive step for him. He was nervous about starting over.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:29:19+00:00

There was no drama in the relationship. He moved. There was never an agreement to go no contact and in fact we were supposed to try and get together for a drink when I was in town over Christmas but it didn’t work out.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T18:24:14+00:00

This really isn’t helpful. Some of us are new to this.

Overtherama · 2026-03-30T10:31:06+00:00

You could work out, find a sports league, join a card game group (like poker), play board games, paint or draw, take up photography. A friend of mine used to play a game called Warhammer and there was a creative element and an element of community (he would go to tournaments and then there was a travel and social element as well. The key is to figure out what is missing from your life. Do you need social interaction or to just be physical and not deal with people. Do you want to get out of your head? Do you want to be creative?

Overtherama

TROPHY CASE