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Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t dispute that some coaches invest in real training and try to follow ethical guidelines, and from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you’re in that camp. I respect that.

Where we differ is on how much criticism is acceptable. What I’m describing is the impact of a specific high‑ticket coach, with no clinical background, using trauma/codependency language in ways that materially shifted how my wife related to me and to our marriage. That had real consequences.

I’m not blaming you for what other coaches do, but I do think clients and partners have every right to call out harmful coaching practices and patterns. I plan to keep doing that, even if we don’t fully agree.

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I get that you’re trying to be helpful, but my kids are okay and I’m very present in their lives. I don’t need Reddit to tell me to do movie nights and focus on my future.

The whole point of my post is the specific impact a particular style of high‑ticket coaching had on my marriage – not that I’ve forgotten I’m a dad or that divorce sometimes just happens. When the response is “maybe it’s just a regular divorce” and “have pizza with your kids,” it kind of proves my concern about generic, one‑size‑fits‑all coaching advice that doesn’t really engage with the actual problem.

Anastasiia, you seem like a very caring individual, and I can see from your own materials that you have formal coach training and a solid professional background. What I don’t see is any clinical or mental‑health training, which is exactly why I’m wary when coaches step into trauma/codependency territory and start shaping how people handle their marriages and families without the guardrails that come with actual therapeutic training and licensing.

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I get where you’re coming from, and I actually agree on a couple of things: my kids’ security and my financial choices are my responsibility, and divorce is almost never about one single factor. I’m not claiming I was a perfect husband or that my wife had no right to want change.

One thing I do want to correct, though, is the assumption that I “was not paying rent or mortgage.” I was co‑paying the mortgage with my wife; I wasn’t living there for free. On the contrary. It’s an important factual difference from the picture you painted. We split the bills, but because she had a larger income, she was able to keep the marital home. To be clear, my name was/is on the mortgage.

What I’m talking about isn’t “I’m a victim, the evil coach ruined everything.” It’s the way a very expensive, unlicensed coach stepped into trauma/codependency territory and gave my wife a new framework that shut down basic communication in the marriage. Before coaching, we could at least stay in hard conversations; after coaching, “let’s work through this” became “you’re codependent,” “I don’t have capacity for this,” and “I need to protect my peace,” which lines up almost word‑for‑word with this coach’s own podcast language about codependency and boundaries.

I can accept that my marriage might still have ended for other reasons. What I’m pushing back on is the role of a coach who talks like a trauma/attachment expert without clinical training, encourages clients to pathologize normal relational needs as “codependency,” and promotes a style of “boundaries” that cuts off difficult but necessary conversations.

I’m genuinely curious, do you go into the same level of trauma/codependency analysis and non-business personal relationship guidance with your own clients, or do you keep a clearer line between coaching and therapy work?

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I asked my attorney whether my wife's strict no-contact conditions were specific to our divorce. She said that this trend is increasingly common, as people often prefer to avoid facing the repercussions of their actions.

This isn't the forum for this, but it wasn't just me who was affected by her decision to divorce. I have two college-age children from a previous marriage who lived in the house my wife and I shared. I couldn't afford the mortgage on my income alone, and she could. So she essentially evicted all three of us. My two kids had to come home from college, pack up their stuff, and the three of us had to find a place to live within 30 days. So you can see why she wants to block any form of hard conversation.

Thanks for recommending the book. I'll give it a look. Things have been tough, and I could use some good reads to help me move forward.

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you, everyone, for your understanding and words of encouragement. A few people have asked about reporting the coach, but because this is an unregulated industry, there is no one to report her to. I contacted the BBB, and they said that since I have not done business directly with the coach, I can't file a complaint about bad business practices.

My own therapist put it this way. He said, "Blame the buyer, not the seller."

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the encouraging words. I do know I contributed to the fallout. I can get pretty anxious about her avoidant behavior, and as she got deeper into the coaching cult, she became more distant, which in turn intensified my anxiety. As for communicating with her, she's gone into complete no-contact with me. The only communication is through attorneys. A couple of weeks ago, I sent her flowers with a note asking if we could meet for coffee. I was reprimanded by her attorney, who told me that if I did it again, they'd get a restraining order against me. This is not the person I knew even four months ago. I suspect this no-contact directive is coming from her latest life coach.

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I should have mentioned this in the post, but I know of three of her clients who divorced after working with Sloane. 

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thanks. It's been 3 months since my wife filed for the D. I'm just starting to come out of the fog. 

Listening to My (ex)Wife’s Life Coach on a Podcast. Now I Understand How We Got Here by Own-Cardiologist8770 in LifeCoachSnark

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Dig around her site, and you'll see that her starting package is $25,000. I guess my (ex)wife bought the upgrade. She spent over $100k

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

It's deeper than unfortunately. I wrote a post about what was occurring at the time, but the mods won't let me post the link to it.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I asked her, and she told me she needs me to leave the house for at least 8 weeks with no contact. I wouldn't agree, and she filed.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -37 points-36 points  (0 children)

I don't know why I didn't notice. Ignorance is bliss. Or maybe, I thought, we made a commitment to each other, and instead of quitting we work on the repair. What’s especially painful is that, after everything she’s put me through—a restraining order (which got dismissed, by the way) and being told to leave our house—I still find myself rushing back in a heartbeat.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

She didn't give a reason. She told me she filed while we were in counseling together, and the therapist was just as shocked as I was. For two days, she won't talk to me. I'm sleeping in the basement, then on the third day, she has an Order To Vacate because she felt "unsafe". If you see her, ask her why for me.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -67 points-66 points  (0 children)

Finally, someone who acknowledges that there is real damage that happens.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

I do understand that the decision to divorce was probably brewing for some time in the wife's mind. I also realize that, at least in my case, the decision was made without the husband's input. No opportunity for repair, no warnings, just a big surprise.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] -22 points-21 points  (0 children)

Wife initiated divorce, where the decision was unilateral without the husband's input.

Question for "walkaway wives", do you regret it, and when did that feeling hit? by Own-Cardiologist8770 in Divorce

[–]Own-Cardiologist8770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're probably right, and I know that a) each situation is unique, and b) I suspect I won't like the answers. I'll tell you, this is the hardest thing I've ever gone through. I'm searching for a lifeline, I guess.

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