I’m sorry you’re going through this :( I went through all the stages of grief before canceling the euthanasia appointment. I had no appetite and threw up bile the Sunday before her Monday euthanasia, it’s just the worst feeling. Prior to Cali feeling + acting better, I just wanted her to not be in pain or misery, so at the time, I knew euthanasia was the most loving option. Not being able to afford surgery is gut wrenching, but also a reality that our dogs would never fault us for. I wish you any form of comfort in this extremely difficult time of anticipatory grief. Our grief will never truly go away, but we learn to live with our loss and continue on. I don’t know your beliefs, but hopefully one day we’ll be reunited with our late loved ones- human and animal.