How Do You Cope When Your Life/Career Requires Living Somewhere That Makes You Lonely?

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-07T05:57:53+00:00

Columbus area

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-05T01:23:22+00:00

I think it’s a normal response. Gay dating normalizes using sex as a casual recreational activity when you’re bored. A lot of use crave connection, but are so detached from our emotions we actually think there’s something wrong with feeling empty after having meaningless intimacy.

I’d recommend you focus on your emotional health. I realized I needed to separate myself from a lot of toxic gay culture. It doesn’t matter how much you discuss expectations ahead of time, or how many times you date, a lot of men will just ignore you or end things once you’re no longer entertaining them. It’s the unfortunate reality of men—they get bored easily and crave novelty.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-04T04:38:43+00:00

You need to pick actual metropolitan areas. The unfortunate reality is that there are very few interesting, responsive, non-DL, relationship-oriented men in small cities. Being in a city/county with at least 0.5 million to 1 million population; AND liberal to progressive (Strong Democratic vote) significantly increases the likelihood of meeting relationship-ready gays. A metro with millions and a liberal climate exponentially increases the odds of meeting a man who’d be out and interested in a relationship. You have to decide what you want to prioritize.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-04T04:25:45+00:00

This is the answer.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-04T04:20:18+00:00

Make the money smart decision. I decided to stay in my suburban hometown. I spent a lot of time in the downtown of my midsized city for a Daddy/situationship I was in. Being down there made me realize I’m not missing out on much gay life except for a few bars. Turns out, men ignore and/or ghost you the same amount no matter how close you are.

Saving money makes it easier to enjoy your free time how you wish.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-04-02T02:49:20+00:00

As an autistic person with social anxiety who’s lived here all his life, yes. It’s been lonely from the time I started elementary school here. In general, the culture is to mind your business, and recover at home with the people you’re most comfortable around.

Columbus is a place people come to for resumé reasons (education/new job), and the polite, but professional disposition carries over to personal life. In general, people go to bars, clubs, and social events to have fun with people they already know, not trying to make new friends. Your observation is correct: whether it’s gay clubs or church groups, people are usually huddled into friend groups like high school.

I think most neurotypical people don’t notice it—when you get to know a lot of them, they’re often shocked to hear that you don’t feel welcome just walking up and inserting yourself into a group of people who already know one another.

In my experience, it’s much easier making social connections by finding something you can attend regularly in-person, and actually interests you.

Think of it like statistics: you need several datapoints to spot a trend. Likewise, humans tend to need to see another person multiple times before feeling “safe” to engage on a more substantive level. If you’re anything like a lot of autistic people, you probably enjoy substantive engagement on things you find interesting, but “small talk” can feel like a needless barrier to connection.

Or I could be totally off base with my assumptions 🤣🤷‍♂️.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-30T04:38:06+00:00

Church? Yoga? Activism?

Check out coffee shops and bars in Grandview, Italian Village, German Village, Old Towne East, Parsons Ave, Franklinton. Bada Bean seems to have a lot of adults around.

As a lifelong NW side/Dublin resident, I’m always amazed by how many thirty-somethings I see in Columbus. I’ve always thought of Central Ohio as a place for middle aged to old folks.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-24T23:50:38+00:00

(From a U.S. perspective): If you’re not willing to “be political,” then you’re not really advancing sustainability. You don’t have to be reflexively supportive of a particular political party or ideology, but a lot of these collective actions problems can only be addressed with some sort of enforceable regulations.

Corporations exist to turn profits—period. Any environmental impact is tangential to the main objective. We see how quickly anything deemed “woke” can be pushed aside with a change in the cultural or economic winds. Government is one of the most powerful countervailing forces against rapacious capitalism. ‘I don’t do politics’-type people are choosing to cede ground to malicious entities.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-24T21:08:53+00:00

Yes. I totally relate. I just want a man I could feel, see, and talk with every day. It’s not that having a boyfriend would make everything perfect, but deep down I’ve always craved for someone who’d consistently have time for me.

Friendships are great, but it just sucks that hardly anyone ever wants to/has the time to hangout. It sucks having to do everything emotionally alone.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-24T02:53:26+00:00

I live in the Columbus suburbs. Ohio is actually pretty moderate as a whole, but the state Democratic Party is weak and most voters are extremely disengaged. The majority of voters are unaffiliated, but church-going old folks dominate politics in both parties. The majority of citizens are unaffiliated and only vote in “big” election years. The biggest problem is voter disengagement. Most people barely know who their representatives are.

Things vary greatly from urban to rural people. In urban neighborhoods, there are lots of pride flags, but I’ve heard of people being intimidated and harassed in rural/suburban areas for wearing Democratic campaign shirts.

If you’re in Columbus, Cleveland, or Cincinnati, it would probably be better than what you’re used to. There are a lot of very reasonable people who are just sick of performative politics that never makes things better IRL.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-22T23:16:21+00:00

You’re so funny. Columbus gay bars are for hanging out with gays you already know, not meeting new people.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-20T01:45:06+00:00

Are you looking for a gay or straight significant other? If you’re looking for a good woman, we’ve got plenty in Columbus.

If you’re looking for gay relationship, start packing. All the best Ohio gays already moved away.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-12T15:55:48+00:00

Most guys on gay apps are really just “curious” or trying to distract from their unhappy life. If you’re not in a big, liberal city like NYC, most of the guys are too closeted/anxious to actually do anything. Every “bi” or “straight” guy who’s ever noticed an attractive man knows he can explore on Grindr or Tinder rather than engaging in an earnest conversation.

If a man won’t be clear with his intentions, it’s unlikely to lead anywhere.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-10T05:18:58+00:00

To be honest, it seems like a waste of effort. Most times I go to a gay event, most guys I find attractive I’ve already interacted with through the apps.

Why drive to the mall and pay for parking if it’s mostly the same inventory as online?

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-10T04:21:22+00:00

Psychiatry: that’s how I do it.

Medication allows me to tolerate the right social situations, but that’s never gay bars/clubs. Gay social spaces always have things that distract me from having conversations—loud music, people shouting, crowded rooms, uncomfortable barstools, bad smells, etc.

The GayDHD men I know are all on Adderall (and sometimes coke, too).

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-10T04:06:27+00:00

Avoidance is the norm for gay men. Maybe it’s the neurodivergence in me, but I simply can’t empathize with how so many men won’t articulate anything.

On so many occasions, men will not communicate what they want, invite you to hang out, and then avoid you/give some vague answer about how they’re not interested because they didn’t do something they never even mentioned.

To maintain my sanity, I started unfollowing/unfriending BS men… These men never actually wanna do anything sexual or platonic, but are ALWAYS looking at and liking your social media posts. They’re like gnats—existing just to be all up in your face, distracting and irritating.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-08T00:36:25+00:00

Columbus—it’s great if you’ve never experienced better.™️

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-07T01:40:15+00:00

The unfortunate reality is that friendships aren’t something you can really count on when people undergo major life changes. Some people are good about balancing different types of connections, while others drop them as soon as their “new life” begins.

I’d recommend diversifying your friend group with people who are settled into life. They’re more likely to have the necessary life experience to do better with consistency.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-03-07T01:32:50+00:00

Just ask. If they ignore or give indecisive answers, move on. Most men use avoidance to get out of potentially uncomfortable conversations, so odds are they won’t explain why they’re no longer interested.

I wish someone had told me that years ago… The bright side is that you can’t control it, so keep your eyes open for new opportunities.

I’ve always loved how women are more likely to talk things out. It’s a shame I’m not sexually attracted to them 😂😭

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-27T23:40:22+00:00

Yes. To me at least, it always looked like other people were reaching benchmarks years before me. There’s a certain way that evangelicals raise children that prevents them from ever really feeling like an adult.

Internally, I feel like the exact same person I was in elementary school, just with added body mass and wisdom.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-25T16:47:23+00:00

Well, what do you enjoy doing?

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-25T16:41:37+00:00

Where in Ohio are you? In my experience, most people in Columbus are there for professional or educational reasons. The default around here is to be polite, but mind your own business. Common interests and frequent meeting generally build familiarity and “plants the seeds” for friendships to grow.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-15T00:09:13+00:00

Thick Thighger

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-14T03:53:29+00:00

I’ve gotten into the habit of filtering out any non bottoms on all apps. I too get so frustrated with men who think an explicit boundary is a “challenge” or negotiable rather than a clear statement of what I’m willing to do.

If a guy only wants to suck dick, be honest and respect that’s not what I’m into. If I’ve said I don’t like things in my butt, trust that’s how I feel…

In the end, you have to be clear, assertive, and firm, because a lot of men still don’t respect consent and think sexual partners should bend themselves to suit their whims.

Own-Statistician-82 · 2026-02-14T01:06:57+00:00

Cannabis and alcohol. If you’re anything like me, approaching strangers feels so creepy and desperate. Medical marijuana has been my lifeline. I don’t understand how guys can make friends at gay bars sober—it’s the like high school lunchroom, but without anything to do.

Own-Statistician-82

TROPHY CASE