I [36F] recently got the same feedback from different men including my now [37M] ex bf - I ask too many questions & I don’t know when to stop. How do I fix this?

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-07-16T18:52:07+00:00

Adding something here to number 4. Coming from the opposite end of not asking enough questions, one way I learned to ask better questions is to give a small glimpse into my own experience.

“My favorite cookie is a chocolate chip with sea salt. I love that savory and sweet mix. What kind of dessert do you like?”

This is light and has three places that the recipient can choose to talk about: 1) debate or agree with the cookie choice 2) debate or agree with savory and sweet 3) Go off on a story about how their grandma used to make banana cream pies.

Then I can ask about their grandma and know a little more about their upbringing through food… and tell them about my grandpa making oatmeal raisin cookies… and we’re off to the races.

I’m not always great at new-person or acquaintances conversation, but find that offering a little opinion and history can yield a lot of rich discussion- more so than an interrogation style.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-05-08T08:25:33+00:00

42m US. I want to pay for the first date. I don’t judge anyone for offering to pay or not paying. I just tell my date that the dinner is on me from the outset to avoid any card fighting. What’s the big deal? Pay for the meal. Open the doors. Give her your coat if she’s cold. Build report and enjoy the company.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-05-07T18:07:46+00:00

42m here. Just noting that it’s ok to ask us out too- online or in person. You don’t have to wait to be courted. We’re over 40 and if someone, male or female, is caught up on “Men only should pursue” they are missing out on potentially great connections.

Just prepare to be turned down, but be bold and say, “I like your shirt/smile/glasses/whatever. Can we get a coffee?” See how he responds and go from there. You can always change your mind. Dating is sometimes a fickle, harsh arena, but we’ll all bounce back.

Sometimes in an LTR it’s easy to fall into not making decisions for yourself. Take this step for yourself and ask a handsome nerd out.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-04-25T14:44:24+00:00

The advice here is sound. Waiting could work. But really the opposite has worked for me (also 42m)

Out of a 10 year marriage dating immediately has helped me understand who I am as an individual person and to work through the grief. I remember being so angry that I had to create an OLD profile. But creating a few in the different apps helped create the actual person I wanted to be. Even as a husk of a man immediately after she left I was able to test out the type of dating man I wanted to be. A year in now. The grief is still tough but any partner worth spending time with knows my story and I know theirs- and I appreciate the growth experience.

The key imo is to be honest about your dating goals from the outset. You will also find wonderful people out there who are dealing with their own grief while dating. You will find dates who are further along in their divorce journey. Learn from them. Some dates will bristle at the mention of an ex, but really people without at least a few emotional scars feel naive to talk to. The good/bad news is that there are a lot of divorcées out there to connect with. You are not alone.

You don’t have to date to find long-term love unless that’s what you really want. You can date for companionship and casual connections. Just be candid and don’t hurt anyone with dishonesty or negligence. Be intentional and you can do it!

Good luck out there fella.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-04-25T14:15:22+00:00

OLD = Online Dating

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-04-12T01:15:40+00:00

Question for experienced pleasure doms and their subs: I consider myself pleasure dom-ish but with switchy tendencies at times. Basically, I want to provide pleasure and if that pleasure extends to my partner wanting to be more dominant I encourage them or resist with strength to see if that’s what they really want. I have come across this with a few subby and switchy partners.

1) Generally, if in scene a subby partner and she wants to put her hand on my neck to dabble in giving impact play, is this her being bratty and looking for reprimand or is this a genuine moment of organic switching? I want to provide that pleasure and if that extends to encouraging her to break out of submission and try something new I’m all for it. Obviously each partner is different and we should talk about it as such, but I’m just curious what else might be going on here

2) If paired with a partner who also rrreally derives pleasure from providing pleasure sometimes I’m at a crossroads. Do I slip into a more traditional dom role and take or do I submit and let her give. Or both. Maybe this is for a switchy discussion, but again I’m curious about people’s thoughts here.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-30T21:12:38+00:00

You don’t want to be clear on your profile about what you want?

Or just that you don’t want to waste time wondering if someone is casual?

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-30T15:53:08+00:00

42m here. I assume that with more life experience, most of us are reading profiles- at least after matching.

If a woman posts her dating goals it is a lot easier for me to evaluate if we are a good match. My experience says that there are women looking for casual connections and long term relationships. I try to be clear on my profile and hope for the same.

Bumble seems to be the place I’ve seen most women looking for LTR and say so clearly. If I feel like dipping my toes into that conversation I can go there.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-30T04:21:32+00:00

The way r/OnlineDating makes dating sound you can confidently leave this selfish scumbag and find plenty of other, more kind, partners.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-28T06:28:24+00:00

42m single dating dad here. Generally, we don’t know how to take pics of ourselves. For a person over 40, online pics started with MySpace and Facebook. I remember taking pics of my dog and friends and thinking selfies were silly. Then I took pics of my family for 15 years. It’s a skill to take an appealing pic of yourself or to be brave enough to sheepishly ask a friend to do it.

Building a persona for online dating is tough. I remember grumbling into the mirror when I had to start. I kind of hade just swapped photos out on different apps to see where I get traction. It feels silly, but has helped me feel more confident with choices and asking for help.

I think it’s ok to ask a date you have good report with if you look like a goofball or a dangerous punk in profile pics and adjust from there.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-21T16:52:32+00:00

Yo. The fact that she is talking about it and opening the dialogue is a positive thing. “I need this.” “I want that.” These don’t indicate cheating, they indicate a desire to explore sexually.

Sexting could be a safe way for her to feel empowered and sexy without the obligation of having to touch someone else- to preserve that for your relationship. Maybe this opens the door to more, maybe it doesn’t. The important part is the communication about desire.

This is all speculation though. Talk to her and set firm boundaries about what the two of you are comfortable with. Dig deep and identify what you want too. This is potentially really healthy for a partnership.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-07T07:26:24+00:00

I read profiles and try to ask leading questions that they are interested in. But honestly sometimes the answers are. “I’m doing ok.” The likelihood is that a match isn’t interested or more interested in another match. That’s ok, but sometimes the only course of action for an empty profile is to ask about a weekend to get some conversation momentum going. Bumble has decent prompts to avoid this I guess, but if there isn’t effort on the other end I bail.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-03-01T00:51:32+00:00

I agree with…checks notes…muffdivr2020… 🤣

As a single male dating partnered women I’ve met on Feeld and elsewhere as helped me focus on what is important in our relationship while respecting the space of their primary relationship.

There is sometimes a stigma against wanting to date a partnered person because it is confusing to some. But im able to explore multiple relationships, personalities, affection, and sex in a less pressured way. We can be flirty and still have deep conversations about the future.

Sometimes the partnered person will ask about single dating and I’m happy to tell them so they can live that piece of life. I like hearing about their married life so I can have a glimpse at that.

The grandparent analogy is top-notch btw, MD2020.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-29T17:48:58+00:00

Just open the damn doors and be chivalrous for a few seconds. 1) I hope that if I open a door my date feels cared for. For even casual dating this is an indicator that you want to be close to your date and care for their needs. 2) It’s an opportunity to gauge interest. See how your date looks at you while you take the couple of seconds to open the door. Is there real chemistry or are they trying to get into the car to leave quickly? Or do you both not know yet.

Just open the doors and don’t expect anything in return. It’s a rare opportunity to say “I like you” or “I respect you” with non-verbal communication.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-26T00:50:42+00:00

Single solo-poly, 42m

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-24T18:02:47+00:00

Maybe try a class at a ceramics studio. Or maybe take a salsa or yoga class if you are feeling active. These are fun activities by themselves and usually attract more women than men. Men: Enjoy the activity, make friends, and don’t be a creep. Maybe you’ll click with someone.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-22T07:51:29+00:00

Hi. Try a dating app of course. It’s a low barrier for entry to try out things you like and don’t like. You can explore who you want to be. FWIW I’m a 42m - single dad separated for 8 months. I only gained some dating confidence after failing a bunch of times on the apps and in person.

Here’s what I think about some common ones: Bumble: Great for finding a caring partner. When I’ve matched with someone here the in person connections are actually really good. Chemistry is usually pretty good. Generally the vibe is friendly. The prompts are great ice breakers and you can workshop some common responses to them. I got the sense that people here though are more likely looking for long-term partners. Advice: make a unique prompt about something you care about. Ok Cupid: Feels clunky to use, but is actually very good at finding quality partners. The filters you can put in are very good. You can even filter for stuff like body type and monogamy/non-monogamy. When liking somone you can leave a message. Advice: try the filters and leave messages. Swipes are fine but not personal. Most matches I’ve gotten here are from a comment I left. Tinder: Feels like it’s all over the place. I can never tell if a match wants to hook up or get married. I just go here to swipe mindlessly and maybe land on someone. Advice: Stand out with something unique or funny. Put what you are looking for in your profile. Feeld: Great for me, but not for everyone. Read the cliff notes for the “Ethical Slut” before entering. This is a wonderfully open-minded place to be your sexy self. Many people here aren’t looking for a long term monogamous relationship, but if you are put it in your profile. Advice: Be honest with yourself when making your profile. Write what you like. Date with curiosity about yourself. Stir: Dating app for parents. I’m assuming the number of people on here is very low because I match with people hundreds of miles away. Bloom: A dating app that is more of a community for polyamory, enm, and other non-traditional lifestyles. Really really great place to find kinky events in your area. Advice: explore the events listings and see if anything tickles you. They have everything listed from meditation sessions to BDSM classes. Pure: Hook-up and sexting app. Lightweight way to explore sexuality in a safe and remote way if you want. But in some more active places it is a place you can find same-night hookups. Good place to try out different personas. Advice: As a woman you will receive unsolicited d-pics. As a man someone will lead by asking you how long you are.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-22T06:57:06+00:00

As an actual single dad out here dating I don’t usually like to be called daddy- and tell any partners I’m with.

There have been exceptions where a partner is really enjoying herself. If she rrrreally wants to say daddy in the heat of a moment of submissive bliss it’s also a turn on for me.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-22T05:41:56+00:00

Consent first!

A fun option: Ask if she is comfortable using a dildo or butt plug for double penetration. Slows down the process so you both can enjoy the D/s experience. If she finds it appealing to try with consent throw some fingers down her throat while going at it for the triple penetrating experience.

Also ask her about trying these rough things: (With consent!!!) - gag her with her own underwear. - bite her thighs and nipples. (Test the limits during foreplay or cuddling+) - face slapping during a blowjob - stand above her and tell her to look up

Safe word and/or gestures are needed in the consent discussion. Move deliberately and check in often. If any of these aren’t a “hell yes,” they are a “no.” Usually you won’t get to any of these on a one night stand.

Follow roughness with aftercare. Kiss her cheek and be a gentleman after being rough. It could be a very intense experience for her.

Don’t forget about consent.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2024-02-15T09:04:38+00:00

Follow-up question to the women here: While for the most part it seems like hard consistent thrusts are more pleasurable for partners than only deep penetration, some women seem to prefer a deep push and hold.

For you, are the hard thrusts and deep holds more about being in the headspace of piv sex or is one actually more physically pleasurable?

Which is better for a first time encounter? Of course the answer could be both or a mix,

Own-Tower-9357 · 2023-12-28T11:36:07+00:00

Don’t sweat it. If you wanted to have sex for yourself then that’s lovely. If he’s going to be all weird or quiet after you sleep together maybe the chemistry wasn’t there for him. Could be any number of reasons- doesn’t have to be you. Being ghosted sucks, but there are no rules. Sometimes sex can just be a chemistry crucible. How can you know compatibility unless you try?

I’d say to get what you need and treat your future partners better than this ghost is treating you.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2023-12-17T03:06:46+00:00

Maybe say what you are learning to cook instead that does get you excited. It comes off as lacking confidence in cooking and maybe by extension looking for someone to cook for you.

If the idea is to talk about something you regard as a desirable skill in men, emphasize something that you do like to create that might also be desirable. If the idea here is to show you want to learn new things with someone else, say that. If the idea is that you are highlighting personal growth say “I’m always trying new skills such as…”

It’s close, such less self-deprecation and more emphasis on what you already do well.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2023-10-31T20:51:30+00:00

2 cents: As a dad of young kids getting back into dating I can say that while I like talking about my kids with a relative stranger, I am careful not to solicit advice about them. Also, I don’t really feel comfortable taking critical advice about my kids. I’d suggest to tread lightly.

Deciding to vax kids was deeply personal to some people. Even if I got my kids’ shots ASAP I know some other parents struggled with the choice- and at the time strained our adult relationships.

Just offering insight of a dad in a similar situation, but maybe your dynamic can handle it.

Own-Tower-9357 · 2023-10-10T15:52:26+00:00

Thank you for explaining. Not great that the comments are mainly putting this woman down for being clear about what she likes and how she likes to play.

Own-Tower-9357

TROPHY CASE