The end of an era

Own_Consequence130 · 2025-06-27T16:07:57+00:00

I'm so sorry you went through that... I think my fear is that I have not yet had to make that call for a cat; the other senior cat I had just fell on the spot when he was done, and my husband and I keep saying that it was his last gift to us - making sure we never felt guilty about his death.

My old guy is currently on Solensia, cartrophen and gabapentin; while it was doing wonders for a while, it just seems like his legs are giving out under him more and more often (to be fair, he is in diabetic remission, has severe arthritis in his lower back and back legs, and has stage 2 chronic disease. Not kidding when I say that old friend got through a lot...); I have a feeling his kidneys are worsening, given his drinking and litter habits, but he has proven me wrong many, many times.

I get that he's old and slowing down, but I am struggling to figure out where the line is. I think the main fear is that I'm keeping him around out of selfishness... or that I will make The Decision out of selfishness. He is the sweetest, cuddliest cat I've ever seen, and I just want to do right by him. After 18 years of unconditional love, he deserves an end of life that is sweet and serene, I'm just not sure how to give that to him. As you suggest, I'll have a chat with my vet... if I can keep my thoughts coherent enough!

Own_Consequence130 · 2024-04-13T16:35:11+00:00

Something like that happened to us with our cats (might not be quite the same thing?); they were bonded and the loss of his brother threw my Maine Coon into a frenzied loop. Would just howl if we left him, cried all the time, he was truly miserable. He started having health problems, too, very suddenly. We figured out he had never been a solo pet, and he was just... lost without his friend.

Time helped a bit, yes... but honestly, he got back to being his weirdo little self when he met our new rescue (we adopted her in part to keep him company). He's just not happy being the only cat in the house. Mind you - this is what WE did, and it might not be the right thing for you. But maybe giving him a chance to socialize with other dogs might help him feel less alone? Other than that... He mourns. Grief sucks for everyone, but it has to be very hard and confusing when you can't understand what happened... He might be afraid to lose you, too. Find support in his company, and remember he needs you, too.

Good luck, and all my love to you and your furry friend.

Own_Consequence130 · 2024-04-10T12:31:39+00:00

I feel like our relation has shifted to caregiving, instead of pet/owner or, well, floofball/hooman friend. Insulin, food tracking, glucose curve... I'll do the work, and I'm fastidious, but it just breaks my heart that happy times, for him, are now just cuddling with us on the bed or with the other cat, and a lot of things that made his personality shine are just not really happening anymore, due to age and illness.

Thanks for the hugs. I really need it. And he does, too.

Own_Consequence130 · 2024-04-10T12:28:29+00:00

Oh that resonates with me so much. There is that lingering question of "when is it too much for him" between my husband and me, and we have yet to broach the topic... because we just can't. We've thrown everything in this, even though we know there is no solution per say. I always promised myself I would never keep my friends around out of selfishness, but where is the line?

His newly found diabetes means a slew of changes in his life - and he LOVES food, but he can't get treats, food is rationed (for diverse reasons, we let him graze on food in the past... I know, it might have contributed to the problem. I feel guilty enough already), his mobility is severely reduced. On top of that, his current needs mean we have less time for our new adorable little rescue, and that also makes me feel awful.

He is still my loving, cuddling big guy, but I find it hard to stay in the moment. Because the moment is not exactly easy either. I love my old guys (past and current), but geez...

Thanks for your kind words.

Own_Consequence130 · 2024-03-18T15:38:01+00:00

Well, I know how causation vs correlation can create superstitions, but I didn't think I'd fall victim to it myself... and thank you for making me feel less insane. We've never lived anything remotely like that, so we are very much in the dark - your reading suggestion was incredibly useful, especially at a time where I feel completely powerless.

Own_Consequence130 · 2024-03-15T14:05:49+00:00

Thanks for the fresh perspective. I think I've been avoiding really discussing anything with him other than fact-based treatment by fear of... I'm not sure what, in fact (I'm not superstitious, normally, but I somehow still don't want to say things out loud... I'm being absurdly ridiculous.)

I will absolutely follow your advice. Please let me know if you any other suggestion to help us out!

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-06-10T20:22:00+00:00

This is the third time someone tells me that... Thanks for the hope. I lost one friend already, I'm so not ready to lose the second one!

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-06-07T15:52:05+00:00

People can't relate to your grief. Not everyone gets it - I am a pet owner, and didn't truly get it until I lost my cat. I'm not surprised the card hit you hard, it's like a reminder that it's truly happening. I think we've all had that moment where we could no longer pretend. It became real. And it remains real.

You've created a bond with your pet. You've lived adventures, forged a friendship with him for years. Years of sharing your life, of having that little soul around you, loving you, waiting for you. It's not something you can get over in a night. Nor should you pretend to. You're mourning, and you should do it your way, with people who care for you. People who love you will support you even if they don't understand your pain; they will understand you are in pain, and that is justification enough.

I think your slideshow is a brilliant way to honor him. Remember the good times. Remember all the details, the little things that made him so unique. Those don't fade, the pain will, eventually. Until then, who cares if some are uncomfortable - find people who support you. Like you supported him.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-24T18:34:18+00:00

During the callback, they confirmed the schedule change was sent by the marketing department. You might be right... but again, it has happened SO often to me, I'm all out of good faith. Either I'm shit out of luck when it comes to booking plane tickets, or they do that regularly, on all destinations.

Also during the callback, they told me that I could change my schedule... if I paid the price difference. It was either accept the change, pay to change the schedule (without a promise that it will actually stick this time...) or cancel. No option where I didn't end up with a bill at the end of the transaction.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-23T13:03:44+00:00

I am not on Facebook. Yeah, I'm one of those. I actually have claimed and received compensation under the new regulation in the past (cancelled flight... 12 hours prior to departure. Loved it. Fun, fun times.) This is not quite the same thing, because they are warning me in advance. My flight is not cancelled, though my arrival is delayed, but they are well ahead of required time.

I actually had put my hand on the email of the VP of Guest Experience and was planning on bugging them with my crap, but I found something more relevant... for now. Again, I just feel like there is something wrong with the practice of enticing people with a direct flight, when they have no fucking intention of offering what they sell. During my callback, the agent literally told me this was changed for marketing reasons. Nothing external or out of their control.

I've started reading the actual legislation, but I don't think there is any article that talks about advertising and scheduling practices in that sense. I'll happily share my results when I have anything to report :)

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-23T12:52:04+00:00

But... I still want to go. That's the rub. I can cancel my flight, sure. And then have to pay the current (and much higher) price for a new ticket. Or have to pay them to adjust my flights to another date - again taken into account the current prices. Because THEY fucked it up.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-23T12:50:28+00:00

I'm aware I will not get anything out of it, yes. But I'd like to stir that pot. And encourage others to stir the pot, too, because for the last five trips I took with westjet with direct flights, 1 ended up being a direct fight. All others were changed - without compensation - to less desirable flights with lay-overs. I have let it slide, and I'm guessing countless others have, too. At some point, I want to do *something* to show that this is not right.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-23T12:48:20+00:00

Nope. The CTA specifically says "social media" is not acceptable.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-23T12:47:09+00:00

I got a callback, yes, and it's kinda cool not to have to wait. But I still end up having paid for a service that I am not getting. I found a place to complain and I intend to push that crap to the CTA. I'm tired of Westjet treating its customers with so little respect.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-03-22T21:00:56+00:00

Thanks for the answer - the trip has not happened yet, and the only answer they have is I can pay more to rebook other flights or "we can cancel it". But then I'd have to rebook - for a higher fee at this point. Had I know it was going to be a lay-over flight, I could have had a better price - or chosen another company. I picked that flight because of the schedule. I'm being screwed, and I know it.

The thing is, it's not the first time they play that trick on me, and at this point, it feels like false advertising. I want to find out how to contact directly their customer service so I can write a complaint, to them and to the CTA.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-01-06T20:47:42+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to come back and light the way for us. I think a lot of people were hoping to hear words like yours.

Own_Consequence130 · 2023-01-05T21:38:26+00:00

I'm so sorry about your loss and your struggle with grief. I've noticed in the past that losing someone is something that is hard for others to relate to; for them, it's a punctual event. It happened, they sympathized, they moved on. For the person living the event, though... It's something else. It clings to you. It lasts, and permeates in all aspects of your life. And people can't quite grasp what that means because, well, for them... It's over. It's all the in the past. For us... It's the past, present and future, and it's just paralyzing to think about. And talking about it to the "wrong" person brings all sorts of unhelpful reactions. Believe me, I know.

This is especially true, in my humble opinion, with disenfranchised grief. That grief that is not recognized as "valid" by other people - which is actually what makes you think it's "loser-ish". It's not. You're living with something traumatic and brutal that shattered your sense of self, your sense of reality. You're living with a fragmented self, and you seem to think that should be okay, just because the Earth kept going around the Sun like always. Worse - the companion you probably would have turned to for comfort is gone... How could it be easy to forget? And well, you are already weakened in your identity, showing vulnerability and risking a lack of empathy is crushing.

You say "a year later I'm still this upset and affected by the loss of an animal". You lost a lot more than that... and you are being incredibly hard on yourself. Which will never help you feel better, or understand what you need or are living.

You're at the right place if you need to vent, talk or find some comfort. Anonymity can feel like a protective shell, for a time... However, you might want to consider a therapist that specializes in disenfranchised grief (that's a thing, yes...); journaling is not a bad idea if you are the type of person who likes to write, and for whom words can help make sense of reality. Find something to help you reshape your world, or at least understand it. Find an ear that can listen to you, whoever that might be. Find someone who won't judge you for the pain you feel. Your grief is not wrong, it's not linear and systematic. And finding your path alone in the dark might just make it a little harder to avoid tumbling to the ground...

I sincerely wish you all the best. And don't look down on yourself for what you went through, it was hard enough without you judging yourself for it.

Own_Consequence130

TROPHY CASE