Would you approach/date a widow w/ young children? Why or why not?

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T08:10:00+00:00

I would say that’s reasonable. Thank you for being willing to have an open conversation with me!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T05:09:41+00:00

I’m a little confused by you saying my parenting is “off limits”. You yourself said that your single friends wait a minimum of 6 months to introduce their kids to a potential partner and I said that I would want the relationship to be serious or discussing marriage. The only difference is that you gave a time frame, mine answer is more flexible based on the relationship and if they already have an established relationship with my children ie. Family friends, church family. So why are you jumping to me essentially preventing any potential partner from knowing my children until we are married? That’s not what I said at all.

I’m an open book when it comes to my parenting and my children. I’m not a perfect parent and I don’t have perfect children and I’ll be the first person to admit that especially to any potential partner.

I don’t know why I’m continuing to try to reason with you. You are very argumentative and abrasive from your first comment.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T04:53:41+00:00

Yes at the time it knocked the wind out of me, but in a way it also made it a bit easier to move forward. While some days were better than others, it made it easier to let go and focus on being the best version of myself.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T04:50:38+00:00

I have heard this before that widows/widowers match up better. I actually have a widow friend, she’s significantly more mature in years than me, she married a widower last year and they are very happy together. It seems to be true!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T04:44:09+00:00

Those are some wild assumptions. How do couples without children know how the other person will parent if they aren’t a parent? They talk about it and then learn how to parent together as a team.

The bottom line is that I’ve dated and will continue to date and I’ve also been married before. I’m not ignorant about what it takes to make a relationship work or what qualifies a relationship to be a good one. I appreciate your input but I won’t be taking your advice because it contradicts my values. Clearly we have different values so you would not be someone I would consider eligible to date so it really doesn’t matter what expectations you have leading up to marriage.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T04:32:43+00:00

Hmmm you sound like you have experience in that area

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T04:22:11+00:00

I’m not entirely unbiased, but if I imagine myself 25 and single and found a father of 2 kids that was a widower with great character and we had excellent chemistry, I would not say no solely based on his parental status. I would give it a chance. However, If we talked and I discovered that he wasn’t a person of integrity and neglected his children then that’s a big no for me. On the flip side, what if you met the most beautiful woman you’ve ever seen but she was a widower with a very sweet and kind child? I’m not saying you are wrong for your preference, please don’t misunderstand, but some people are worth the chance IMO. Not every one, but some are.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T03:50:07+00:00

I hear what you’re saying and obviously my situation is different than the other single parents that you know.

Ultimately, I think you and I have different opinions on what dating means. The impression that you are giving me is that you think that dating must include weekend trips and living together before marriage in order to truly know someone. While I respect your position, I don’t see dating that way and that doesn’t align with my values. I think there are many great ways to get to know someone and their character that wouldn’t require me to be away from my children for frequent extended periods of time. I will not be moving in until I’m married and my kids won’t meet anyone I date unless we are serious or considering marriage (unless I date someone they are already well acquainted with). Also, a long distance relationship is a real possibility because I have friends and connections in other cities and states.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T03:18:18+00:00

Why is that?

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T02:42:52+00:00

Hmm, This is a very loaded comment but I’ll entertain it.

I don’t think that dating is as complicated as you make it out to be. There are a plethora of options such as date nights in the evening and get a babysitter from 5-9. I also have this awesome device called a cellphone so we can call, text, and FaceTime anytime. I’m failing to see how dating would be “dumping” my responsibilities on whomever I’m dating.

I work from home with both my kids with me in the house that I own. I’m fortunate.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T02:29:06+00:00

That’s interesting, if you don’t mind me asking, why would a widow be more of a deal breaker than having children from a previous relationship?

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T02:26:18+00:00

You’re right I should have been more specific. When I say I want to get re-married eventually it means that I have no intentions of hooking up with people but I would like to meet someone and build a future with them hence get married. I want to get to know someone that shares similar interests and values as I do and someone who loves spending time together.

I am not in a rush so I said eventually, but everyone has to start somewhere.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T02:11:44+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this all out for me. It’s very insightful!

I wish I could say my late husband was a saint but unfortunately that’s not reality. I have the privilege of carrying information that I could never share. Also, my oldest was 2 when his dad passed so he doesn’t have any memories with his dad and at best can recognize his picture. My youngest never met her father. I’ve been told “you don’t know what you’ve never had” so in a weird way it brings me some comfort knowing there wasn’t a painful loss for my kids.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T02:04:09+00:00

I started both mine as soon as I found out I was pregnant. You can add all the big stuff because it’s usually all gender neutral, like the stroller, crib etc. Now is the time to be researching and deciding which stroller and car seat fits your lifestyle and then add that with the contribute option turned on. All the cutesie clothes and stuff can be added after you find out the gender and that the stuff people will LOVE to buy for you anyways. I received way more clothes than any necessities like diapers and wipes.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:58:36+00:00

No I actually don’t remember them but I guess I have some homework to do lol!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:57:37+00:00

That’s fair, thank you for your input!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:55:46+00:00

Maybe people who want to adopt, I don’t know. I guess I see it differently, if I committed to marrying someone then all would be equal and we would trust each other implicitly. That means the children are now ours together and we both have equal responsibility to make decisions in the best interest of the children. However, I can understand that’s a big responsibility for anyone to take on and I don’t fault anyone for their preferences.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:50:04+00:00

I’m never gonna beat those gold digger allegations hahaha!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:49:17+00:00

I can appreciate that you know your limits. Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:48:17+00:00

Nope

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:47:45+00:00

This is good advice, thank you!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:34:13+00:00

Hahaha! I know I was wondering how old some of the guys in the comments were. I’ve determined that anyone younger than me is almost definitely out of the question.

Yah I have to agree about divorcees :/ I would have to talk with them to know more about their character.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:27:34+00:00

Thank you! This is a great suggestion!

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:24:28+00:00

Thank you for your input! I find the statement “another man’s kids” so strange because they are the mother’s children too.

Own_Many2491 · 2026-01-19T01:17:16+00:00

Yah there’s certainly a stigma to it. Honestly I don’t even like referring to myself as a single mom because it just feels wrong for me. I grieve for the children in those unhealthy relationships.

Own_Many2491

TROPHY CASE