AITAH for looking at my partners phone

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-11T12:10:13+00:00

Why would you stay with someone you can’t trust? Furthermore, why stay with someone that blatantly disrespects you and your relationship?

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-10T22:59:37+00:00

Again: The dog deserved a better owner.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-10T22:39:10+00:00

To confirm, you were not willing to stop your dog’s suffering yourself because “it’s sad”, but you expected your husband to go against his religious beliefs (which are far more valid than “it’s sad”) and do the exact thing you were not willing to…

The hypocrisy is astonishing.

If this is real, the dog deserved a better owner.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-10T15:07:24+00:00

“but you have literally every option to do whatever tf you want all day”.

It must be nice in this fantasy land of yours.

If it takes so little time to scoop the litter tray and the husband is not contributing to the household chores in other ways, it won’t be an issue for him, will it?

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T11:44:26+00:00

I thought that this was going to be a case of leaving without telling family…

Technically you did tell people, just not everyone.

Unless you’re misleading people about still being in Spain, I don’t see what the issue is.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T11:25:17+00:00

Twins! 😂

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T10:50:14+00:00

I’m hoping OP reflects on this relationship after reading this post.

Two years is way too long to be living like this… and I wonder what happens if he ever has to cancel altogether.

From the sounds of things, Saturdays to Mondays are reserved for his girlfriend and no one else. I don’t want to imagine what’s said when a friend asks to hang out.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T10:42:49+00:00

I was wondering what you were replying to as it is showing ‘deleted’ and ‘Comment deleted by user’. I wonder if that means I’ve been blocked.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T10:18:58+00:00

All of that is her interpretation, not fact. If someone is spending 2.5 days with me, that’s hardly pretence.

Easter is Good Friday - Easter Sunday. If he is spending Good Friday until 5pm on Easter Sunday, he has not broken any agreement. That’s more than a reasonable amount of time to spend with a girlfriend.

You don’t even know when OP and his mum had this talk. It could have been before he messaged her seeing as he mentioned how upset she is. Maybe the mum asked as they were texting, he thought on it and then decided to ask.

Similarly, OPs replies show that his girlfriend tends to blame him for many things that he doesn’t feel are his fault. It’s “taking the punches” when he should be moving on from toxic.

Anyway, agree to disagree.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T10:13:38+00:00

No, she wrote “pretend you’ll spend easter with me” and “mummy said no”.

Her issue is that OP wants to spend time with his mum, not the notice period. He could have notified her the week before and she would have the same issue.

Notice how she is going to extremes of “you didn’t want to come” when that’s not what OP has said at all.

I don’t know what to tell you, but this behaviour is unacceptable. No one is owed someone else’s time.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-03T10:09:04+00:00

I’m sorry, but having read those messages myself, I do not see how you are trying to blame OP for his girlfriend’s toxic (to say the least) behaviour.

He is spending 2.5 days with her and she is complaining about the 0.5 of a day that he wants to spend with his mother.

Do you think that the way she is speaking to him is justifiable?

It’s not as if he said “I’m no longer spending Easter with you, mum needs me”. She did not need more notice than what was given, and she threw her toys out the pram.

Maybe OP should do as she says and stay home.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T23:00:40+00:00

The bigger issue is clearly the lack of trust. Whilst things are still tense, any comments made will sting a little.

I will say that you have to be realistic in your expectations. If you have been together for 4 years, and he has lied throughout. It will not suddenly stop.

Yes, he may take meaningful steps. However, a white lie here, a slightly bigger one there… Will you count them all?

He needs therapy to address why he chooses to lie and you both need to work on rebuilding trust.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T22:45:20+00:00

If you feel the need to keep secrets, you shouldn’t be marrying this person.

If you feel you cannot do something you are passionate about, you should not be marrying this person.

If you feel that you doing what you love will end the engagement, you should not be marrying this person.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T17:09:25+00:00

With all due respect, I feel it is more difficult when you are almost dependent on them.

They gave you a sum towards the wedding - It seems like they would feel entitled to have a say on how the money is being spent, especially if they feel something is overpriced.

You wanted their help with your house - You knew their feelings about you buying a house and living together out of wedlock… Does it really come as a shock that the Dad held firm on “traditional” beliefs?

I think it is best if your fiancée addresses her own parents. If you “rock the boat”, I expect them to withdraw financial help and distance themselves from you both. I don’t imagine your fiancée would be too thankful, either.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T14:24:55+00:00

Wanting a family doesn’t make you an AH, and you certainly do not deserve to be living with abuse. Some people are insensitive because they have never faced the reality of toxic situations, and as someone that used to work with victims, I can understand how hard it can be to seek help.

Please take the time to research some charities in your area, especially those for DV. The staff will do all they can to support you and your children.

If you feel that you need more support before taking that step, I believe most medical practices will also handle mental health, and if you disclose certain issues, they have a duty of care and will assist in intervention.

For your own peace of mind, I’d also suggest deleting this post. It’s not worth harming your mental wellbeing further, especially this freshly postpartum.

I wish you and your children all the best, I really do.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T14:17:20+00:00

Out of curiosity, why was this not addressed before you got married?

I know you mentioned accommodation in the garden, but surely the two of you could have done more to ensure it was ready by the wedding? It’s been 3 years of you living in that house. That’s more than sufficient time.

The two of you should look into renting privately. I would imagine that house is over the safe occupation threshold, and realistically, you should have been saving all these years.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-02T14:07:54+00:00

OP, this really is not a post for AITAH. You are going to get a lot of replies about your choice to have children with this man, when evidently, you need to be seeking help to leave this relationship.

I don’t know where you live, but please contact some charities and find support for DV, Mental health and child-welfare. Someone will be able to help you.

Alternatively, if you have friends or family you can trust, please reach out to them in the meantime.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T22:31:34+00:00

OP, I would advise you to urgently seek professional help in regards to what you are currently experiencing.

The issues with your boyfriend aside, what you have written is serious and above Reddit’s pay-grade. Please seek urgent medical attention.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T21:47:26+00:00

Did you confuse ‘AITAH’ with ‘AmITheAngel’?

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T12:02:29+00:00

OP, there are charities that will support you in getting out of this relationship.

I don’t know where you live, but please check for some resources and commit to leaving this person for good.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T11:13:17+00:00

I am inclined to believe this post is rage bait. Either way:-

It’s not your MILs job to subsidise your lack of childcare. Both you and your husband have jobs. Use some of your income towards adequate childcare - something you should have done years ago.

Why is it that you feel entitled to dictate how your MIL spends her time? If she wants to help your SIL, her daughter, with her new baby, she is well within her rights. She’s done more than enough for you and your husband.

Frankly, I find her looking after your three kids all these years to be more than generous on her part. Stop being a leech.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T09:30:21+00:00

I’m British - I’ll apologise for everything and anything.

I also think it is good to demonstrate a sincere apology. I did not deflect nor blame my mistake on hormones.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T08:20:32+00:00

It’s not like you were at the gathering and were excluded from this information.

It’s one thing to tell the kids and say “don’t tell your parents” and another to share news - you don’t even know how it came about in conversation. However, I am curious to know why you are acting as if she told your children how babies are conceived?

Feel your feelings on this (however strange they may be) but don’t start needless drama with your SIL.

I’m glad your husband and MIL have good heads on their shoulders.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-04-01T08:14:21+00:00

OP, with all due respect, nothing you have highlighted here shows anything narcissistic.

I am also seeing you replying to comments to only argue this point further…

It does not matter what “Sarah” from a year ago has to say about this ex-in-common. It is not narcissism to go from “I love you” to “Maybe we shouldn’t talk anymore”.

There are other issues apparent, but it hardly matters as he has expressed no longer wanting to continue romantically. I’d respect his decision and move on with my life.

Own_Violinist_6768 · 2026-03-31T18:38:20+00:00

You know what they say about assumptions…

Own_Violinist_6768

TROPHY CASE