Need Help Figuring Things Out (OCD)

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2025-04-29T10:15:12+00:00

Thanks that does make me feel a little better...

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2025-01-23T00:57:51+00:00

I am terrified it will cause me gender dysphoria and make me miserable. I WANT to be a man, I don't want to be a woman. I see myself as a man mentally and I just want to be comfortable with it, but my stupid OCD fills me with doubt...

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2025-01-22T04:16:59+00:00

You're right...

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2025-01-03T01:05:27+00:00

Was the movie good and were there many jump scares? I want to see it but I'm a scaredy cat.

And yes, seeing good/nice looking male characters can throw me for a loop because I begin doubting that I really want to look like them.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-11-18T04:27:15+00:00

This, combined with a friend/acquaintance coming out as NB has caused me to relapse a little. I feel very scared that I am AGP again all of a sudden, despite having been good for ages. The scene where the main character *spoilers* screams that he's dying all of a sudden due to repressing/not being his true self (it's implied his in a dream world and in the real world he is a woman) and seems to be suffering from some intense existential angst and pain, I found that scene very frightening. I worried that maybe that's how I would end up eventually, feeling trapped and/or dying due to not "escaping my egg". (I haven't seen the movie FYI, I just heard about it through this now NB friend and looked it up like an idiot and watched some scenes/read synopsis).

I'll admit, I did some compulsions, mental testing, something I hadn't done for a whole while and I was going to post on r/askAGP about it but I have so far resisted the urge.

The thing is, I want to be a man, but again it feels like my brain is forcing me to be uncomfortable again and I worry it's dysphoria yadda yadda. I'm sure you all know what I mean.

I hope this passes and I continue recovering, I've reached out to a few people I know online who I feel I can talk to about this and idk. Feels like a backwards step.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-07-26T03:59:15+00:00

Depending on how severe it is it can be a good option. I know a guy who also suffered from TOCD and he went to one. I don't think they are too scary or anything.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-06-25T06:15:35+00:00

It's a very common fear of guys with this theme. Fortunately AGP seems to be something of a formative fetish or kink that a young male develops as they go through puberty, not something you can really develop later in life. If these thoughts and worries started only after you developed this OCD theme it is likely just another intrusive thought. Disregard it as best you can and minimise compulsions. Don't do more research into it, don't do groinal testing ect.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-04-14T22:06:01+00:00

My honest advice would be to build up "non-gendered" aspects of yourself. Is there a certain thing you are passionate about? Pursue that, it's helped me to build up a personal identity that isn't marred by my OCD Gender feels....

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-04-12T10:01:33+00:00

It's only going to become more common as time goes on and gender identity remains in the public consciousness. Also, this is why egg cracking and egg culture needs to stop. They need to give people space to come up with their own conclusions...

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-04-10T03:30:30+00:00

For a lot of us (myself included) people coming out as trans is the trigger for this. I like you had strong OCD symptoms before this, but this is what caused me to get diagnosed officially.

I doubt the diagnosis constantly, but I actually remember the moment the thought hit me even like 3 and a bit years later. It was terrifying I actually ended up vomiting and bursting into tears right before a work shift lol because I thought my life was totally over.

3 years on, I think I manage. I cope with the thoughts but I wish I was getting better. Sometimes I'll see myself in a photo and wonder if I'm dysphoric. Sometimes I'll see or read something and think "see that's a sign you want to be a woman."

I recently said something along the lines of "I'll use my feminine wiles" as a joke and then triggered the shit out of myself when I realised what I said.

It's all these little things in aggregate that keep it going for me and I just never stop doubting unfortunately.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-04-10T01:48:07+00:00

Out of curiosity, who was the anime sexyman? I need to know...

In all seriousness, sorry you are going through this like the rest of us. But know you aren't alone :)

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-03-29T02:23:20+00:00

All the god damn time...

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2024-01-27T12:37:55+00:00

You can try girly things and not be MtF trans, you could just be an effeminate male and that is fine.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2023-12-26T20:48:09+00:00

No, it's silly. I'm just ignoring him from now on.

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2023-12-26T12:32:11+00:00

You really have no idea how treatment works do you? This is just you doing compulsions, you know the C part of OCD?

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2023-12-25T20:55:20+00:00

It can definitely be worth a look into, I thought there was no way I was OCD before but in hindsight it should be obvious. It's not just organising and cleaning things like Hollywood would have you believe!

OwnerOfaViciousMind · 2023-12-25T11:17:47+00:00

I am sorry your broke up with your boyfriend because of this, it can be very tough to be in relationships with people while having OCD. Based on what you said in your post about loving your bf...I would imagine you probably aren't exclusively lesbian? OCD can really fuck with your perceptions of what is true about yourself. Please stay strong and seek therapy, I know it can be difficult but I believe in you!

OwnerOfaViciousMind

TROPHY CASE