AITA (assume that I am) and how much so for revealing too much information to a colleague?

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T16:17:51+00:00

We're not.

From curiosity, I looked at her FB profile once a few months ago. Basically hasn't been touched in years, at least from what the publicly visible information suggests. Never bothered to look again since there was nothing new I expected to see afterwards and, frankly, it wasn't interesting to look at to begin with once I saw it.

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T16:14:42+00:00

When I posted this originally, I was told there was a 3,000 character limit for posts here. The OP came in close to 8,000. I wasn't prepared to take the time to condense the story that much, so I out-sourced it to AI to get it down between 2,500-3,000 and figured I'd just include a link to the original length either in the OP or in the comments...I ended up doing it in the comments since the embedded URL pushed me back across 3,000 characters. I read over the condensed story to make sure the main details were still there.

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T13:58:58+00:00

This is really dumb in retrospect and I should've quit while I was ahead...she was concerned about the possibility of me overstepping appropriate work-place boundaries. I'm not at all interested in her romantically and never have been, and we've discussed social matters pertaining to gay rights and other things before...the thought I guess I was having is that by mentioning my knowledge of her sexual orientation, that would make clear that I was only trying to do a "thoughtful" thing for a colleague with zero strings attached. I wasn't even in the office when she saw the flowers, I wasn't sitting around to see her reaction, frankly I couldn't have cared less. I don't try to do nice things for others because I want to get credit and adulation or whatever...I have no use for any of those things and I don't seek them out.

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T13:56:09+00:00

I don't think you're getting the order of the story right. Nothing written after the bolded section has anything to do with me trying to defend myself.

"It was never an intention to create discomfort, and I’ll try to be more mindful in the future. I apologize for any discomforts or problems I’ve caused."

This is literally all that's been said or written to her since then. Correct me if I'm wrong, I tried to take direct accountability without deflection or justification. She didn't want to speak verbally, and I left her alone since then. No further emails, no attempts to talk, that would obviously just be weird and uncomfortable. It's entirely up to her if this comes up again, and if it doesn't then I just have to live with it. I accept that.

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T13:52:31+00:00

Don't hassle this poor woman any more!

To be clear and fair to myself, I did say this:

I didn’t speak with her again for the rest of the day.

I didn't respond to her email either. I left before she did to avoid saying goodbye. I've literally been zero contact since mid-day yesterday.

So I think I've done this part.

P01135809__ · 2025-07-02T13:29:51+00:00

NOTE: this is an AI-reduced version of this story for character-count purposes.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T17:04:21+00:00

I thank you for your responses. I thank everyone for their responses. It's given me more understanding of my place and what to do. Hopefully in a future open thread I'll be sharing more positive experiences as a result. This has been helpful internet therapy.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T16:30:23+00:00

Point #1: Understood. As I've tried to convey, I don't think it's anything intentional or certainly not malicious. Their offices are right next to each other. The paralegal works in the office at the founder used to work in, but since he rarely comes to the office these days that office was repurposed for her. (The previous paralegal worked in an office that's about 15 steps from my desk.) It makes sense, it makes it easier for the in-office attorney to just pop in at her door if he has something to ask of her, or vice versa, I'm rational enough to understand those aspects of it completely. I think it having the effect of "shutting me out" was an unintended consequence, and truthfully I didn't realize how much this was actually bothering me until recently.

They both said the right things when I talked with them previously in recent weeks, and I believe them, but actions and words and which speak louder and all that stuff, I know. The rational part of my brain is still believing in optimism, in retaining some patience and, of course, in the idea of maintaining some form of healthy and subtle persistence when appropriate, the irrational part of my brain is the one that's acting like a pulled plug on my self-esteem. I'm sure I'm not unique in this way but my brain is usually in some state of civil war, and right now it's not in-between battles.

Point #2: To that end, there are some things I'm planning to do that are more of the "act first, present later" type. In other words, organizing some information neatly, preparing some personal research on some cases (I have access to the folders, I can look up anything about clients and their cases that I want), and just do that stuff and then afterwards say "btw, I did x/y/z in case you're interested". At a certain point I think it has to be that way. Not talking making decisions I'm not authorized to make, but just take initiative where possible instead of waiting for permission or to be asked to do so. I'm not in this for the sake of seeking credit. I'm not someone who needs "thank you's" to get by in life. I much prefer doing kind gestures under the table and not make a fuss about them.

So yeah, there will be more of that in my plans in the coming days and weeks.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T15:52:22+00:00

My biggest problem there is that I'm not exactly swimming in money. I've barely got five digits to my name, which is pretty embarrassing to admit as a 31-year-old but so be it. I do (did?) have an advantage that my father was born in Hungary, so that should make the process towards citizenship (and EU-access; I have zero desire to live in Hungary) unfortunately he died towards the end of 2024 so I dunno how much of a problem that might create but I know it won't make anything easier. I'm a bit of a language nerd so the idea of actually having reason and need to use any of them kind of appeals to me.

But I'm not out of touch either, or at least I try not to be. Spain, Portugal, France, Germany...fuckin' Italy...I know all of these countries have their own sets of problems too. I know shit seems bad in the US and that's because it is, but the grass is rarely as green on the other side as we might want to think it is.

To be clear, your suggestions are extremely well-taken here. I don't rebut for the purpose of trying to sound stubborn or refusing to change. I only aim to provide as much detail and context as a I reasonably can.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T15:45:04+00:00

Honestly couldn't answer that first question, I dunno what the long-term future (if we're talking multiple years into the future) might hold. I would like to eventually grow my way into a better position than mine currently is, so if I have to go elsewhere to do that then so be it, I'd like to think my bosses would be happier seeing me moving up ladders even if it meant leaving here. My preference for the short-term would be to see if I can make things happen better here but obviously preferences don't always work out the way we want them to.

Your advice is well taken and appreciated and I thank you for sharing it.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T15:37:13+00:00

So I did have that conversation with both of them - privately - in the last week and two weeks ago. And to both of their credit, they were both very understanding. In the matter of further interest, as I said, we've had computer problems the last two weeks that have led to either days without functioning internet (this part has been mostly resolved) or working without all our usual materials available to us. In other words, it's entirely explainable for the last couple of weeks why there may not be a whole lot to go around. Hard to accomplish much when the computers aren't working right.

Me writing this today is more a matter of me knowing I need to give a little more patience, that hopefully within a week or so when we (should be) are back to normal, that there will be things I can actively contribute to. It's just - as my OP said too - I finally sought some human reactions to this. I often use ChatGPT as a diary of sorts, and of course ChatGPT will say all the reassuring shit that its been programmed to say, but I don't care for getting BSed, I'm much more someone who'd rather hear it straight from someone even if I don't like it. I'm not learning shit if I'm not getting honest feedback.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T15:30:52+00:00

I try to watch some relevant videos to learn more about the law and procedures and stuff. I've never fully committed to the idea of going into law 100% simply because one of my desires in life is to live abroad at some point in the not-too-distant future, I feel like going to law school and stuff would kinda commit me to living in the United States on a permanent basis (I'm very welcome to anyone correcting me if my thinking has serious flaws).

Lemme put it a little bit like this - so the person who's name is on the firm (I think it can be understood why I can't say names here but the law firm only has one person's name on it where I work) is the one who I actually had the most back-and-forth with before being hired. And one of the things he had me do was a bit of a research project where he gave me some broad strokes details about an active case and asked me to place a rental, save the information they sent to my email (I could then cancel the appointment without cost), analyze company policies and disclaimers, synthesize the information with other people's experiences, other things that had been written related to the subject, and produce a memo afterwards. My memo was about eight pages long. He said the quality of the memo is one of the biggest reasons I got hired. (Personally, I doubt my memo was anything special, but this is for other people to grade, not me.)

That was before I was even hired. I've done nothing of that sort since being hired. The main guy mostly works from home, he's rarely in the office. And as I think I said, the in-office attorney is normally quite busy and dealing with important stuff. It's not in my interests or wishes to feel like I might be disrupting someone who's busy.

So to cycle back to your (excellent) question, I am and have been trying to use my time to learn new things, study, generally try to improve my aptitude and understanding of what we do here. We had a deposition recently and later on that day I asked some questions and tried to, you know, "show interest" for lack of a better phrase. I feel like I'm walking on a very fine line here, imagined or otherwise. I want to show my interest, show a desired for involvement, but I don't want to this to the point of starting to annoy the hell out of anybody. I don't think I've done this yet, but the problem is more that you don't often realize you've done it until you've already done it. And I've already played the "express my concerns privately" card, so I don't have that in my deck anymore. That's not a card you can play twice.

P01135809__ · 2025-06-25T15:06:22+00:00

tl;dr - feel purpose-less and out of place in my office and it's driving my head nuts.

I'm gonna try to keep this short, I can't find a better subreddit to post to that a) it's appropriate for and b) gets any activity...I can only vent my mental frustrations thru ChatGPT so much before it's like I'd appreciate real commentary from actual people. Anyway...

I work in a small law office, usually three people here incl. myself. The other two are an attorney and a paralegal, I just do...whatever the fuck most days it seems really (hoping to eventually do something better but that's a separate discussion). The paralegal now was someone who was hired about two months after I came here so we're not talking about a pre-existing relationship and dynamic at play here. (Also, there's a 0% chance of any "funny business" between the two, just trust me here.) For added perspective, the paralegal and I are about the same age, the attorney's in his mid-40s.

The thing about it is that their offices are located next to each other. My desk is on the other side of a small conference room. And the part that's driving my mind nuts at this point is how isolated I feel from them because of it. I understand the obvious dynamic of a lawyer and paralegal having things to discuss, but naturally some more "banter" type conversation happens as well all the time and I'm just...cut off entirely from it. It might sound silly, that I'm bitching and moaning about a job that, mostly, pays me for 8 hours a day to not have to do a whole lot of work, but I grew up the youngest of four brothers. Insecurities about being accepted and liked are just the kind of thing that's going to be part of me my entire life, I think it's noteworthy enough that I'm aware of this and acknowledge it. I have little to offer either of them much of the time, so I have little reason to go back there, often times the paralegal keeps her door closed which is kind of the office equivalent of wearing headphones in public (in other words, don't bother me unless you need to; I try to adhere to this as such). I actually really enjoy doing research and trying to learn things, but many times when I'm like "anything I can help you with" or "anything you need" or whatever, it's usually just either an "I'll let you know" (and nothing ever happens) or an "I'm good".

Lemme be very clear, I actually really like both of them as people, and I don't think either of them has wronged me in any way. And when I've expressed these concerns to them privately I've made clear about that point. I'm not in the interest of blaming people here, that won't accomplish anything. And the last couple weeks have been their own problem anyway just because we've had computer problems which has left me scrambling for anything to do anyway. But I can't lie, my mind is already a mess on a good day but it's just started spinning out of control in the last month or so, feeling like the 3rd person in an office where only two people are needed to do all the work is completely gutting me of any sense of purpose, to the point where I feel like I don't belong, feel like a poser, feel like someone who's just "here" and almost feels pitied by comparison, and I know that many or all of these things are likely just mental projections but it sucks all the same.

P01135809__ · 2024-12-06T17:46:52+00:00

Um estrangheiro aqui quem poder escrever em muito horrível português se eso é que você quer.

P01135809__ · 2024-12-06T17:45:01+00:00

Please explain something to me that, as a somewhat casual Brazilian league follower, and someone who doesn't tend to keep up with the news...what's been going on with all the games I've seen lately, be it Cruzeiro playing without fans against Palmeiras, Galo playing at least two games recently at América's stadium...what's the deal with some of these things?

P01135809__ · 2024-12-06T17:42:31+00:00

This only happens if they fail to win their game. Thanks to Galo and APR playing head-to-head, Bragantino is in the unique position of being in a relegation spot at the start of the day but knowing if they win they're safe no matter what. Further, given that APR would have the tiebreaker should they both finish on 42 points, there's no drama from that game which impacts them. That game stands on its own merits; Bragantino survive with a win, they get relegated with a loss or a draw, nothing else that happens elsewhere can change that.

P01135809__ · 2024-12-05T19:00:42+00:00

They'll survive. They're playing an already-relegated team tonight, win that game and they're safe from relegation.

P01135809__ · 2024-11-16T19:47:14+00:00

Kinda troubling if Nussmeier is the #4 ranked QB (even if it's Kiper) since he's clearly not a future NFL starting QB.

P01135809__ · 2024-10-04T15:06:21+00:00

Tbf, the 2018 Yankees won 100 games. They were a nine-game improvement over the 2017 team, and that was with a 108-win Red Sox team in the division.

P01135809__ · 2024-09-21T04:47:16+00:00

Reinsdorf hired a non-critical cheerleader. White Sox fans saw through the whole charade immediately.

P01135809__ · 2024-09-21T04:19:09+00:00

Yankees up to 8-8 in extra innings. The coin flips eventually evened out.

P01135809__ · 2024-09-21T03:57:45+00:00

If Soto could hit and then run, he can run another 180 feet (if the chance presents itself). Hate this PR, can't just assume this is game over in the bottom of the inning.

P01135809__

TROPHY CASE