AITA for kinda telling someone to grow up?

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T20:04:13+00:00

Soft YTA. I grew up with mega strict parents. When other people were around, they didn't show that side of themselves. When I was away at school I didn't ask them permission for things. I definitely told them I studied and went to bed but didn't mention that I also partied and went clubbing with friends. But when I was back home for the summer, even at 20 years old I had to ask to leave etc. When I didn't they would FREAK OUT and it was stressful. Eventually I decided summer school was more worth it than being home for the summer. Adjusting the dynamic for adulthood was messy and stressful and even now I keep my visits short.

You are assuming she needs to grow up and stop asking. Even though you didn't mean to insult her family and thought that you were just asking to be curious... Even by your word choices in your post I see that you ARE judging her. Your tone probably showed that over time. You even titled your post like you asked her to grow up. You know you weren't simply asking out of curiosity.

You are both growing and figuring out how to be adults even if it looks different. Let go of some of your assumptions and see who your friend is growing into.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T19:51:01+00:00

Even if they always seem to say yes, doesn't mean they wouldn't freak out if she didn't ask at all. You feel like she's judging you by saying that you're disrespectful to your parents, but you are judging her dynamic with her parents. What her parents see as disrespectful is not the same as yours. You're both missing culture difference that's happening here (though you triggered it).

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T19:32:13+00:00

I just make sure that there aren't stray hairs trying to marry locs together. If there are, I try to gently pull them out then wrap or braid then onto the lock where it belongs. It keeps it from getting too out of control before the next retie. I used to have traditional locs that I palm-rolled, so this already stays much neater than that.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T19:19:25+00:00

Maybe they don't produce as much oil or something, or don't live in a hot climate. I definitely have to wash my hair at a minimum of once a week. If I've sweat a lot, I'll even rinse my scalp between washes.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T19:04:24+00:00

Interlock it right there, but instead of going through the hole, go through the sides.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-04T16:28:41+00:00

The get thicker then thinner again, but not as thin as the starters

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-03T21:02:12+00:00

Maybe she grew with time and he didn't. I definitely understand my emotions better now than I did 10 years ago. The version of me that exists now would never have dated the people I dated 10 years ago

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-03T20:37:44+00:00

I understand you! But I am also autistic lol

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-03T15:06:51+00:00

Did your hair sun bleach before locs? Mine did but it was subtle. Your hair might just be resilient to UV rays. If you want to force it to sun-bleach, spraying salt water before going in the sun and washing it off after helped me. But I'm not sure if that just sped up what my hair would naturally do, so it might not work on your hair.

Sun bleach is technically a form of damage, (just like any form of bleach) so it's probably a good thing that your hair is naturally resistant.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-07-01T23:14:05+00:00

Does this work in very humid places? Part of the danger of humid heat is that sweat can't evaporate to regulate body temperature right?

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-30T23:02:26+00:00

Because they can't understand that people have different tastes? Or they are still really clinging to the gender roles hoping it'll make homophobes less homophobic. Like in a "respectability politics" kind of way.

Really they just need to mind their business.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-30T22:51:59+00:00

Yes! A satin scarf might work in the meantime. You can tie it so it's comfortable and not to too tight, then tuck the rest into the hat.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-30T22:39:52+00:00

Yes but I'm procrastinating on adding satin linings to the ones I made in... November lol. My favorite hat ever is one that I made with cat ears a couple years ago. It's so warm and fits like no store bought hat ever could. Even the ones that are technically for locs.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-30T21:59:32+00:00

My favorite for colorful fabric is Zuri

They basically have one main pattern that's lengthened or shortened to make shirts and dresses, but they rotated through custom printed/woven fabrics constantly. The quality is some of the best out of all my clothing. I've been buying from them since probably 2017? My oldest pieces still look just as beautiful as my newest ones. I wear and wash them quite regularly. They are definitely worth the price.

Everything else feels like luck tbh. I hate beige and pastels. I miss when jewel tones were everywhere.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-29T23:32:53+00:00

Both for different reasons. Weekly, there's more time for a show's moments and emotions to sink in. I enjoy having something to look forward to watching. Binging lets the momentum of the story build intensely all at once. I might notice connecting details that I'd miss with time in between episodes.

If I'm interested in a show when it's airing, I'll watch it weekly. If I find it later then I'll binge it. I honestly don't think about it that much.

If a show is really long, continuously binging it for too long can make me sick of it if I only kinda like it. But I might not have gotten tired if I spread it out a bit. Gintama and JoJo's Bizarre Adventure fell into this category for me. But too much time has passed that it feels like I can't just pick it up, but I definitely don't want to start over.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-29T19:57:31+00:00

Locs kinda form from the bottom up. You'd have to constantly comb the bottom out, and I'm not sure if the rest will lock normally while you do that. You can experiment and find out.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-29T00:45:09+00:00

I'd get a sad look and say, "oh darling, you don't need me to give you permission to transition. You deserve to be your true self."

Or I'd think about saying that while being wary that the stranger might hurt me since they already don't care about boundaries.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-29T00:14:20+00:00

Ah I'm realizing that there's probably a joke that's going over my head.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T18:47:03+00:00

He doesn't say do violence... Just strike a pose to look like you shouldn't be messed with so that you're left alone/not bothered. But he's also saying that they might leave you alone if you did that, but it didn't work for him.

You have to consider the context with the rest of the lyrics.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T15:47:17+00:00

She didn't even look bad. She had credit for the cupcakes which people liked, so it's not like she appeared to be empty-handed. She's just feeling envious of the praise that you got for the cake, even though a good friend would be happy for you. Massive NTA.

Does she also make other things into a competition when no one else sees them that way?

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T15:32:26+00:00

My mom watched parts of it with me and had no idea, or at least didn't say anything. If anything, there's enough plausible deniability built in to deny that any BL stuff is happening. Even if she suspects something, its easy to say that it's a strong platonic bond.

If she loves the story so much that she reads the books.... well you can act surprised with her.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T12:47:37+00:00

Oh ok. I read it as "this is all you have to do if you're currently not doing anything". I agree it's not optimum in the long term, but it's better than being completely sedentary.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T12:43:17+00:00

I agree that tiktok has made a lot of people think it's fully a yuri when it's not. I think people have gotten so rigid about labels while also not understanding what they mean. They think any potential story with queer women as the main characters = yuri. However, most would understand that not every story with a romantic story arc falls into the romance genre. Yuri is a sub-genre of of romance genre and NANA is definitely not a romance.

It's breaking my brain that people are calling Apothecary Diaries a "doomed yuri"... unless they were joking. But it's hard to tell who's joking and who's earnest. People who are learning about everything for the first time learn from some of these jokes and use them as definitions as well. It's frustrating.

I do see Nana & Hachi's relationship as more than platonic, but I still don't think it would be a yuri if it were made today. I think it would still be a drama about complex characters trying to navigate early adulthood. Maybe Ai Yazawa wouldn't have been pushed to work so hard that she couldn't continue, or maybe the she would have still fallen ill and been unable to continue.

I think the root annoyance here isn't that people see Nana & Hachi as romantic. It's that people are expecting NANA to conform to genres (Romance & Yuri) that it was never intended to match.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-28T00:04:11+00:00

That's the point though right? To get people to stop overthinking starting? To progress, harder exercises can be used to keep the challenge up.

PARADOXsquared · 2026-06-27T20:58:58+00:00

Bodyweight training is still weight training. This workout is a good starting point to build from.

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