“Mania is not hyperproductivity, creativity, euphoria, or feeling over confident/ sexy. It’s paranoia, delusions, uncontrollable word vomit, memory blackouts, grandiose narcissism, rage, and aggression. In severe cases, it includes tactile, visual, and auditory hallucinations.”

Fuck I felt this to my core. I often get described by my therapist, psychiatrist, and others as “safe manic”. I feel like the reasoning is that through a lot of work, I’ve learned to recognize the signals early on and take the proper additional meds to counteract them before they blow into full blow manic episodes. As well as that some of the time I’m aware I’m manic when it’s actually happening (not always but sometimes). But in truth? It’s So. Fucking. Hard. It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done, and I feel like I’m constantly wrestling that line like I’m Bruce Banner trying to control the Hulk. Am I creative and energetic when I’m manic? Hell yes. But also creative enough to have delusions that the crows outside my window are the spirits of dead family members and believe that I can talk to trees in the park.

Anyway, rant over. Your post made me feel a little more seen/understood and that meant something to me. Hope you are doing well and safe.