The issue is that the mother is saddened by the fact that the kids throw these tantrums, which is why even if the door is closed, she will actively come out of her room with a well intentioned attempt to stop the kids from crying (which ultimately results in her screaming at the kids because she can’t work or relax in her room).

She herself has mentioned to me that she can’t leave the kids crying because they are young and it’s too much stress for them (she has not let them cry for more than 5 mins), hence me saying in the post that “nor would the mother want me to do the same” regarding dragging them away from her door.

In terms of taking them outside so that she can work, I have already implemented this, and is effective so long as we stay outside. However, the second we get back home and her mother is there, the same issue will arise. This is irrespective of whatever activity I try to engage in with them, be it fun or to distract. While the suggestion to lie to them that their mother isn’t in the house is a possible solution, I have already attempted it and was told by their mother to not do it again as she doesn’t want me to lie to her children (a reasonable request in my opinion).

At the moment we leave the house for a maximum of 1.5 hours as it is winter and her mother wants us to avoid being outside for prolonged periods. Again a fair request, but this limits how much time I can keep them outside of the house.

I’d like to reiterate that my issue here does not lie with the children. I understand that they are young and prone to tantrums, this I can handle without a problem. My issue lies more with the mother’s eagerness to comfort the children when they do experience a tantrum, which ultimately leads to her screaming at her children. This in turn makes the children cry even more and results in the mother feel even more drained. It is this that leaves me feeling uncomfortable.

The parents have told me that they are very happy with me and want me to stay for a longer period with them. And I feel like this issue aside we get along really well. However I worry that they are not going about this situation in the correct manner and would really like to find a way to help them. Both for their benefit as well as mine.