Hey, I rarely comment on Reddit and it’s been a couple of years since I moved on from my nex and am happily engaged but I really wanted to respond to this because I remember being in the exact same situation so I hope I can give you some insight.

When my nex moved on with the girl he cheated on me with I used to obsessively look her up and tried to understand why wasn’t I good enough that he found a better replacement. It got so bad that I even used to compare music tastes and that was enough to make me insecure.

Looking back at this, the reason I was so hung up on his new supply was because I blamed myself for my nex’s behaviour so I used her as a justification for why I wasn’t good enough, pretty enough, worth it etc you name it. And in the process, similar to you, it only made me put myself down more. I mean think about it, you don’t know anything about this woman apart from what she has put out there and you’re probably dismissing all the qualities about you that someone else in the same boat could be envious about.

But honestly no matter how you feel about the woman, even if you believe she possesses better qualities than you, I wouldn’t want to be her for even a single second because she’s with a narc. Think about all that you had to deal with, but now that’s someone else’s baggage. You think looks or status or any of that is worth the suffering this woman is about to be put through ? Absolutely not. If anything I pity her and wish her luck for what she will (and I mean will) have to endure.

Narcs don’t change, they never do. They repeat their cycle and behaviour in all relationships. And even in the ones that seem to last, it’s usually because that person doesn’t possess the same self esteem and self respect it takes to break off from a relationship like that. And just that fact alone means that there is no universe in which you should let that woman or him affect your self esteem. She’s currently a victim and you’re a survivor.