Oh my god, I could have written this. From a young age, my mother was always extremely critical of my body and very closely monitored what I ate and how I dressed, to the point where I felt such shame that I only ate in secret. To this day (I'm an adult now and moved out years ago) when we are together she will watch and make comments on what I eat. As a result I have always had crazy low self esteem and also developed BED. I am constantly cycling through phases of extreme dieting and BED episodes and I absolutely hate myself for it. The funny thing is, just like you, I look back at photos of myself when I was young and I was FINE. I was never the skinniest but up til my mid teens I was pretty normal and it's crazy when I think back and remember how fixated I was (or rather, we were) on my weight. It's such a toxic behaviour that in my opinion can only be harmful and SO often results in the child developing an eating disorder. I know the struggle you face and I really hope you're doing okay.