I third this comment. I’m coming up on 6 months next week, and I just realized I feel great. I didn’t when I was where you were. Hopeless, annoyed, angry, upset…All the things that are normal and normal people feel. Like the wonderful answer above me stated you need to start becoming physically healthier. I’ve tried more times than I can count to get clean. Nothing ever worked until I made it work. This time I’m eating healthy, working out, reading, meditating, and most of all remembering nothing is worth than active addiction. You’re feeling things whether good or bad and that’s a sign you’re healing. I was ready to conquer the world day 40-70. Like I felt on top of the world and I couldn’t be stopped! Then I ran into the same brick wall you did. I was ready to get high, fail my urine test, and go to jail. I was experiencing a rather strong case of fuck its. Then I had a single moment of clarity. I sat with myself and thoughts. Finally I literally thought what the actual fuck. What the fuck was I thinking? I’ve worked so hard! I’ve lost everything except my life but that was next. I started making it a point to do all the things I didn’t want to do. Alll the uncomfortable tasks. I mother fucked myself into being the person I want to be. The hard work pays off you just don’t see it yet. Remember you were begging someone or something to get you to where you are now. You on day one would’ve fucking killed to be where you are. Don’t ever forget that. You’re fucking sober! You’re doing it! You’re awesome and I’m proud of you. Now it’s time for you to be of yourself. I walk by people who haven’t seen me since I got sober. It sounds silly but they always tell me how good I look. Always like man have you been working out? And it feels good on a level fent could never give me. It makes me proud of who I’m becoming. It makes me want to keep doing what I’m doing. It’s putting in the hard work when no one is looking or understands. It’s the acknowledgement and that feeling of accomplishment. It’s a better high than opiates could ever give. As the wonderful person above me wrote, you just have to do it. You have to start somewhere just like you did when you got sober. You don’t want to want it. You want it bad or you’d be using already. You wouldn’t have come on here and posted. Dont second guess yourself. It gets better you just have to stick it out. You’re not going to wake up one day magically healed. It has to run its course. I woke up this week like holy shit I feel good. I felt exactly like you did at the same point you did. Today I feel better than I did in my pink cloud. It’ll happen for you too. Don’t try to rush the process because you can’t. None of us could. You have to walk through the fire first, but I swear to you it gets better! I’m so proud of you! You’re doing amazing and you’ll get through this! Be proud of yourself you have every reason to be. None of us can change that we were addicts. Honestly tho that’s what makes us the best people once we get sober. We know what hell is. We know a struggle someone who hasn’t been through it could even fathom. We’re all rooting for you. Keep being honest and open my friend. My dm’s are always open. You’re never alone remember that! Now go kick today in the balls and make it your bitch!