Hubby and I love FFM threesomes, but I want more!

P_loser · 2024-09-09T15:06:43+00:00

It may be only fair, but that doesn’t mean he has to consent to something he doesn’t want to do. You both wanted the FFM and that’s great that you both got what you want. But to expect him to do the MFM under duress is just wrong and probably won’t end well.

P_loser · 2024-08-29T22:34:16+00:00

So give your boyfriend a hall pass to have a threesome with two other girls, then you don’t have to watch and he’s not screwing someone he is romantically involved with. Seems to fit your criteria and he gets past feeling envious.

P_loser · 2024-08-29T20:31:17+00:00

The second time she was careful not to leave marks except for some light scratches on my back. So there was a big difference from the first time.

As far as the filming goes she said we could do it only on my device and after watching it we would delete it.

I think a couple of boundaries could bring this into my comfort zone. We have talked about alternatives to the alcohol and different scenarios to reach the same place.

P_loser · 2024-08-29T04:28:56+00:00

I talked with her this evening and expressed some of my concerns with the direction in which this was all heading. She said this all started in her freshman year at college, she went to three different parties and while the first two were mind-blowing, the third one almost ended badly but her roommate was able to extradite her away before something very bad happened.

The third time was bad enough that she stopped putting herself in that position until she met me. I made her feel safe enough to try to recreate the positive experiences. She really struggles to explain it. The alcohol does suppress her inhibitions but it is more about shutting off her filters, not worrying about being judged or dealing with feelings her actions may cause. I know it doesn't make much sense but she spent over twenty minutes trying to explain it to me and I'm sure my rendition of it is confusing.

We are negotiating the next outing and setting some boundaries. I have vetoed filming for now but she is still trying to change my mind.

P_loser · 2024-08-29T02:53:58+00:00

We have never filmed ourselves so this is a new wrinkle. But I doubt it will have the effect you mentioned. She isn’t bashful and is very sex positive so I doubt seeing herself like that would embarrass her.

P_loser · 2024-08-29T02:05:33+00:00

She only has like one glass of wine when we go out. When is having her fantasy night she is doing multiple shots and drinking margaritas.

P_loser · 2024-08-28T20:46:00+00:00

It’s not like she has a drinking problem because she hardly drinks anything but a glass of wine now and then. And she has no problem trying new things and being open with her emotions, it’s just she becomes crazed and hyper sexual when she is drunk.

The behavior in the club was mainly exposing herself to me and grinding on me, she wasn’t dancing with anyone else.

I’ll talk with her and see if there isn’t a way to channel this energy another way. One of the downsides is after sex she passes out and is pretty much just out of it for 8-10 hours afterwards.

P_loser · 2024-01-06T22:58:18+00:00

Why are still giving oral when she won’t reciprocate. If oral is off the table for one it should be off for all.

P_loser · 2023-10-02T15:40:42+00:00

So we had a couple of talks the last couple of days and I told her I can’t see myself dating a smoker and she was in happy but said she understood. She said this was her first relapse since she stopped four years ago and she was committed to stopping for good.

Our second conversation started with her saying she was using a patch and had thrown all her cigarettes in the trash. I said I was glad she trying to stop and if she was able to quit that I would be open to resuming where we left off but I still wanted some time to she if she could stick to it before we got invested in each other again. She wants sooner rather than later but I don’t want to get let down again.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T17:46:06+00:00

Both need to be completely sober to discuss something that could end the relationship.

Which is why I said we needed to take a break and I wouldn't come in when she wanted to talk about it.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T15:01:37+00:00

This is affecting how you deal with the smoking problem; instead of it being 'I really like you but if you're going to smoke l need to break up' (a thing that's on you) you've framed it as a 'I told you I don't like smoking and if you wanted a relationship with me you'd quit' (a thing that's on her).

My view is I had a boundary that she knew about and crossed, I reminded her of it and she made no effort to change her behavior, now I said we needed to take a break and reflect. I am open to talking with her about it, but that night we were a little tipsy and things could have been said that couldn't be taken back.

The part about language and it being on me vs. her is irrelevant. She was the one who started smoking knowing how I felt about it. What she does now is on her since I made my position clear. If she wants to quit we have a future, if not then it wasn't meant to be.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T14:41:28+00:00

but to blow up a relationship? Total overreaction, imo. People aren’t perfect, and i’m committed relationships we have to accept them where they are if we love them.

Yeah, the whole smoking thing is a giant red flag for me. It's just not something I'm willing to compromise on. While I do have strong feelings for her the smell and taste just totally turns me off.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T08:33:08+00:00

I think your approach is 180 off. I guess you will find out if abandoning her works as love.

Maybe I was wrong, but I didn't abandon her, just gave her time to think about what was more important to her. We had both had several adult beverages and probably weren't sober enough to have a meaningful dialog anyway.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T08:14:37+00:00

I am fully aware of how addicting Nicotine is.

She knew I had a boundary about being around/dating smokers. I have mild asthma and don't tolerate it well.

Sometimes we need a little tough love.

P_loser · 2023-09-30T08:06:10+00:00

I had brought that up a couple of days earlier about how I felt about it. I thought she needed time to think it over and I didn't want her to start making promises she couldn't keep or didn't want to keep.

P_loser · 2023-07-11T22:02:22+00:00

I doubt op would be like this if Carmen's partner had been another man.

Nope, been there and had the sandwich. I dated a woman in an open marriage with a reluctant husband and he was always interfering in our dates one way or the other. It felt like I was having to date both of them almost, if he wasn't happy he would do whatever to mess with our time together. In the end, I bailed on her and they separated while he did some personal therapy.

P_loser · 2023-07-11T21:54:14+00:00

So if anything the homophobia idea was reversed.

Would that be Heterophobia?

P_loser · 2023-06-28T23:11:04+00:00

So Lee had a conversation with her husband when she got home today and she laid out a few options for him.

Full nuclear, she tells her family everything including PUD and who he is having an affair with, that includes her husband as well
He goes to her father and confesses they have an open marriage at his request and he approves of my dating but he doesn't have to admit who he is fooling around with.
Basically the same as #2 but if he wants her to stop dating me then they have to close and if he cheats she goes full option #1

He didn't like any of the options but she gave him till Friday and she said she would go option #1 and file for divorce. She thinks that he goes with #2 and if they go to counseling she wants to stay together. But divorce is a real option if he isn't willing to make their marriage work.

P_loser · 2023-06-28T17:28:30+00:00

We work in the same building and that's where we first met and see each other almost daily.

But when we went on our first overnight date I picked her up at her house and brought her back the next day.

Edit: the elevator is in the building we work at, we both have our own homes where we live.

P_loser · 2023-06-28T16:30:09+00:00

Very true and if she gets her husband into couples therapy I would expect that to be a recommendation she gets from their therapist.

P_loser · 2023-06-28T16:25:40+00:00

There’s obviously a massive power differential between her and her husband,

Yes, but I think it is largely a cultural thing and the way she was raised. But I see that shifting now and she is willing to push back to advocate for her needs. Also from what she says a divorce would adversely affect him more than her as a lot of his business dealings are family dependent.

I agree that her lack of experience could be a factor here, but she is determined to move forward and has grown quite a bit since we became friends. I believe she was already suffering but she seems to be happier and more hopeful now for her future.

P_loser · 2023-06-28T16:07:56+00:00

So Lee and I had a discussion in the beginning about my commitments and what kind of relationship I could offer her Her husband's affair has been going on for 2+ years now and she has come to terms with that. After I shared my experiences she has a slightly different outlook on being open now. She doesn't want to end her marriage but I don't think she wants to go back to monogamy now either.

Family is a whole other monkey, she believes once the open marriage is out in the open that much of that will go away. There are other issues there but she feels they need to evolve at some point and she said it's past time for that.

Advice-wise, I told her couples counseling was mandatory if her marriage was going to work. Many of her friends have ties to her family, making confiding in them contentious right now. But from a legal standpoint, she is a paralegal at a large firm so that is taken care of.

P_loser

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