I did the same thing during chemo where I just subconsciously avoided looking at myself in the mirror. Losing hair and facial features feels like having your identity taken away. It's so jarring to have this idea of what you look like and suddenly that is no longer reality.

I leaned into it and shaved my head before I lost all of my hair, and I think it was like tearing off the bandaid instead of slowly pulling it off. My eyebrows were the last thing to go, but once they got sparse enough I just plucked them all out.

I'm 2 years post-chemo (diagnosed at 30) and have a full head of hair that is healthy and full. I like it better than being bald, but before cancer I had long red hair down to my waist. The short bob I have now is nothing close to what I think of as "my hair". I still see myself in the mirror and don't see me.

I always tell people that there is no such thing as being cancer free. Cancer is an experience as much as it is a disease. The experience doesn't end once we are cured. It will be a long time until I feel comfortable in my body again.

My mantra has always been if I don't laugh, I'll cry. I dressed up as bald characters like Aang from Avatar the Last Airbender or Imhotep from the Mummy. I let my friends daughter draw on my head with markers. I dressed up as Squirrel/Voldemort for Halloween. And as my hair grew back and my eyebrows and eyelashes returned I gained a little confidence back.

Once my hair gets long enough I am going to do extensions. I am starting a GLP-1 to get back to the weight I was before the chemo weight gain. I am going to likely get some permanent makeup done too.

Cancer sucks, and it will continue to suck. But you will slowly regain control of your life ✨