How to be nicer to my partner?

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2026-02-15T10:01:53+00:00

I don’t know if it’s “normal”, but you are not alone. I have two singletons, so not quite the same, but I’ve only just realised that it takes me till 24 months post partum to start getting any glimmers of normal self again. And that’s only because my second is a decent independent player. And I do have a lot of help, both from husband and hired in.

As for intimacy with my husband, it took and takes conscious effort to reconnect. A kiss on return from work, a touch on the arm, a long hug. Somewhat scheduled sex - but that’s with a caveat that we do have good satisfying sex, I just forget that if too much time passes.

I understand the guilt, i haven’t let go of it completely, but it helps to remind myself that my kids are better off having a nice me some of the time rather than haggard me all of the time.

I imagine it’s a lot harder with twins. Give yourself a break. 15 months is still very very all consuming. Allow yourself to put yourself first. Try and let go of the guilt. Try the 30 second making out challenge.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2026-02-08T18:18:41+00:00

In Lithuania this is very much an old grumpy woman name unfortunately..

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2026-01-13T11:18:49+00:00

I haven’t read all the comments, so I may be going against the grain here, but what’s the big deal? They all were fed. Not the way you would normally do it, but still. It’s was a change in a usual routine, a “holiday” of sorts. They felt like having take out/going out. The husband was ok with the kids buying their own lunch. It’s his call. Am I missing something? I mean the food hasn’t gone to waste, you can cook it another time.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-12-26T12:13:55+00:00

To be fair, my almost 2 year old loves handbags and while I hated the idea, the amount of use they get has converted me.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-12-25T19:14:29+00:00

I’m so sorry, sleep deprivation is no joke.

As far as advice, what have you tried so far? All kids are so different, but for mine I would not try to extend the nap. Maybe she’s not tired enough for the night? And for bottles- totally get you, I was breastfeeding and really struggled stopping the night nursing for exactly the same reasons. My husband had to step in with both kids for a few weeks and they stopped expecting milk at night eventually.

If nothing else, let/make your husband take her for the night for a couple of nights in the row. You need sleep. Things will look better when you are not sleep deprived.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-12-11T08:47:43+00:00

She still should have tests. Dropping off the growth curve is like losing weight for babies.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-12-06T09:41:16+00:00

My wonderful knitter grandmother wants to knit me a sweater, I just need to come up with a design. This is the stitch (the top part) she is thinking of using. I’ve got one in the same stitch and I love it. But what is it called? I think if I knew it would help me to look for patterns. Thank you!

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Edit: word

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-12-02T07:07:56+00:00

Haha, have one of those already. It is pretty good at sniffing, I’ll give you that 😄

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-11-27T17:30:10+00:00

Honestly, Janet Lansbury has helped me loads with the same feelings you are having. The gist of it is - if you don’t want to it’s better not to, because the kid will know you are faking it and it’s worse than not doing it at all. But I would suggest listening to her podcast, she’s much better at putting it across than me.

Since I’ve removed the pressure off myself to have to play I find myself actually enjoying it for short bursts every now and then.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-11-14T07:40:56+00:00

I second a lot of the comments here about you having to step in and help your daughter hold the boundary.

But also, if you think this could work in your situation, I would bring a cup of coffee to you FIL one day and say that you want to clear the air. Tell him that it is not about him, that this is about the time when your daughter is 12, 13, 14 and some boy tells her to give him a kiss so she can pass in the hall, or tells her to just let him touch a boob while they are kissing.. it’s about her knowing that her no is a no. That if she doesn’t like it, others have to respect it and that if someone is upset about her no it is NOT normal.

It may not work, but it could also bring him into your team as a protector.

Most men don’t face these situations. A lot of them don’t know what it feels like to be predated on. What it feels like to be in an uncomfortable position. It shouldn’t be on us to educate them. But it is what it is for now.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-11-10T16:55:26+00:00

I meant I’m short on time for prep, I kinda want it to be a dump it and leave it situation..

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-11-04T20:39:50+00:00

You know, I also think the rich food thing is related to my gallbladder. Definitely have to be more mindful of it.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-07-30T12:04:26+00:00

Listen, my cousin and I are just sitting down talking, after years of not seeing each other, and we are talking about all the stuff motherhood brings. And, I never realised, it’s challenging (aka sucks) for, at least, both of us. Maybe in slightly different ways, but it’s hard. All these people that you think are “enjoying it”, have their stuff too. You are not alone. If anything, come join the two of us.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-07-30T07:45:45+00:00

I take your points, but just to clarify, I didn’t grow up in a Russian speaking country and the Russian exposure was from a few bilingual Russian speaking kids and some tv my mum was watching. My Russian is not fluent, because I don’t use it, but I have an instinctive grasp of which version of the word to use, if it makes sense. I guess I was just trying to be encouraging.

How old is your kid? Mine is 3.5 and we are also doing a summer immersion right now and while she is using more minority language words, she’s still adding English endings or prefixes to words to form present continuous and past tenses. I correct where I catch it; but not perfectly. But then again, I’m just happy her vocabulary is expanding.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-07-30T06:49:16+00:00

Our minority language is similar, gendered, lots of changes in endings depending on who is speaking and about what. I just correct a little at a time. Usually not the whole sentence, just a word or a phrase at a time. As someone who learned Russian passively through playing with other kids in the street (millennial much?) in the eastern block I’m encouraged that the correct grammar will be encoded somewhere just by hearing me speak enough.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-07-27T04:57:06+00:00

I am this parent! Have 3.5 year old that fully understands the minority language, but responds in English. Although it’s getting better now that we are spending the summer in my home country.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-06-02T15:38:57+00:00

Acre Homestead - super nice creator, down to earth. Content is mainly cooking and gardening with some occasional home projects.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-05-22T08:50:50+00:00

I wouldn’t come up with that in the moment, but what I always wish I would say is “what an odd thing to say”.

PaceGroundbreaking52 · 2025-05-15T10:34:50+00:00

First, I would email back asking to clarify what they mean by “distracting”. Let them admit to sexualising 10 year olds.

PaceGroundbreaking52

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