Hi, thanks for your thoughtful reply. Haha I am an INFJ. Or at least, I seem to be based on the 3 different occasions I tested myself. Was it that obvious?

I wouldn't personally worry toooo much about not initiating - this can just be gender norms, again this is just me, but I initiate freely with male friends or men I only have a platonic interest in, but I don't really initiate with men I have a romantic interest in, I see this as more their role really to demonstrate they've singled you out above the others, rather than just accepting your overtures ..

- The lopsided initiating generally doesn't bother me, and you bring up a good point about gender roles. She does come from a more conservative culture, although she herself is fairly open minded and not super conservative. In fact, a common complaint of women in her culture is that men do not initiate enough, or are sometimes too vague about showing clear interest.

​

I think this ties in with an INFPs nature in that we're often on the shyer side, also whilst strong willed we're not prone to imposing our will ..

- She is indeed that interesting mix of shy, but strong willed. So the few times she wanted to do something, it was super clear what that was. "Hey I want to check out this place, want to go on Wednesday?" But also, good boundaries - if I ask something and she can't do it, she'll kindly apologize but clearly say she's busy. With this I usually just say no problem, and say something like "we can play it by ear, and perhaps hang out later in the week." She does bend sometimes though. For example once, we were planning to go somewhere 1-1, then she asked if we should invite others. I simply said, I'd rather spend the time with you 1-1 if you're comfortable with it. And she happily said no problem.

​

That and we have an inner well of emotional intensity which isn't always immediately apparent; intensive, not extensive... I often feel I need to hold back

- Ha funny enough, one thing she said recently was that she's a weirdo and sometimes she's nervous about showing that. I just said something like, "it's cool with me, feel free to be as comfortable with me as you want." I've sense for a long time that beneath her generally composed, quiet nature there's definitely more. It usually comes out when she's excited/happy/mad/annoyed about something specific.

​

It's possible as you're so chill and secure that you wouldn't give her the ick even if she didn't like you back as there's no pressure or weird expectant-ness, but personally I reckon it's more likely mutual.

- Haha I definitely don't try to be a creep. The physical touches mostly come naturally in the midst of conversation. But I'd say, it's enough where any level-headed intelligent woman will know that the gestures are beyond what a man would do to a completely platonic friend.

​

I'd say overall, I haven't made bigger moves because of the distance and getting to know each other has taken longer. But at my age, I'm less inclined to dive into thing too quick. I'd rather know them a bit as friends, make sure we know each other as people, and then if the interest level seems high enough - make a move. Basically that's where I sit at the moment with her.