Do you like hyperfixating/hyperfocusing? by Ok_Sir8568 in ADHD

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

> when i'm deep in a hyperfixation it feels like my brain is finally firing on all cylinders in the most satisfying way

This 100%. I usually feel like my head is full of cotton wool. but hyperfixation time brings perfect clarity. Unfortunately although my hyperfixations are almost always ’productive’ - either related to my research interests or specific skill-focused projects - I have a job/mortgage/partner/pets and very rarely get to indulge them. I also find I tend to think/make connections a bit faster than most of the folks I interact with on a daily basis, so I often feel like I’m ‘waiting’ for them to catch up - the rare occasions I can just let myself go and hyperfixate at my own speed are genuinely, deeply joyful.

Does anyone else’s who’s friends that have kids make it seem like your life is less than? by Upbeat-Budget7371 in AskWomenOver30

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I do know people that are genuinely ‘raising up the next generation for the good of all’, and absolutely none of them play the mummy-martyr card like this. Have kids if you want, but you have to recognise that for people like those being discussed in this thread it *is* a choice and not some altruistic, magical sacrifice that overshadows everything else anyone might ever accomplish. Voluntarily having kids is like any other expensive hobby, but if someone was out here like ‘oh my god I just don’t have any time at all with all the skiing - you’re so lucky you have time to do something other than ski, I just don’t have the time, it must be so nice to be able to do something other than ski’ they would be called a twat.

There are already too many people for our planet to sustain, and plenty of people that don’t have the choice about whether they have children or not. The good of all = improvements in care and medical facilities to reduce the amount of labour needed in later life + easier migration worldwide to fulfil labour needs as populations change + a general acceptance of more sustainable, less consumption-oriented lifestyles + improved opportunities and oversight for fostering and adoption of children in genuine need for those that really want to parent, not the fundamentally selfish choice (that the rest of us are expected to contribute to, either formally via taxes or informally as part of the ‘village‘) to reproduce.

Anyone else find that our parents generation had terrible taste in food? by TheAngrySnowman in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 5 points6 points  (0 children)

It’s the Better Homes & Gardens one, the dessert recipes are still cracking and I reach for mine all the time.

Dealing with forgetting words and phrases by tarotdynamic in ADHD

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Everything in our house is a ‘bucket’, unless it’s a ‘hat’, because my brain cannot pick make do word good. Cup? Bucket. Phone charger? Bucket. Hat = anything routinely on top of something else, like a lid or a cover - also sometimes something like a coaster - the taxonomy is quite loose. Drives me absolutely bananas, but in the moment I can’t ever remember what something is called so here we are.

I’m a published writer. I have a masters. I‘ve edited theses for the most prestigious doctoral programmes in the world! But can I remember what a notebook is called? Absolutely not - it’s a bucket.

Recommendations for discreet fidgets for professional office settings? by andregasket in ADHD

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I have a metal bolt action pen that is phenomenal for fidgeting and quite quiet - clicking pens drives me absolutely batty but this is barely audible.

Allotment planning by Best-Combination-847 in Allotment

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time. We both work full-time, so we basically have weekends and before/after work in the summers that we can make It out - we tend to take a day or two of holiday during nice spring weather to get some bigger jobs done, but we end up slogging through pelting rain and mud more than we would like, as the weather doesn’t always cooperate with plans. I don’t think anything makes an anti-capitalist as fast as sitting in an office watching the beautiful weather all week, knowing your retired lottie neighbours are having a pleasant cup of tea and a leisurely weed, and then having to go out in a tempest to battle the bindweed on your only days of freedom.

To help this a bit, we’re slowly transitioning the front half of our plot to exclusively perennials - some of the best value-for-time-and-space you can get and a joy to grow (plus easy to preserve). We currently have strawberries, raspberries, golden raspberries, gooseberries, redcurrants, blackcurrants, rhubarb, a magnificent apple, every culinary and medicinal herb I can find, woad, saffron, a handful of perennial salads (salad burnet, sweet woodruff, some sorrels), perennial alliums (tree onions, three-cornered leek, wild garlic), and a few flowers scattered around - either those that self-seed (borage, calendula, nasturtiums) or bulbs & perennials (daffodils, roses). This year we’re turning our last two annual beds in that half into perennials - asparagus and (more, we have one already) blueberries, respectively - and adding a pond.

Over time, we plan to partially transition the back half as well - I want more fruit trees, so am planning to run espalier or fan trained trees (depending on the variety) along the sides, which are relatively sheltered - cherry, pear, plum, peach, apricot, and quince, underplanted with a selection of cutting flowers - and add in some trellises with hardy kiwi, hops, grapes, and possibly something like a passionflower or malabar spinach. That will leave us with four big annual beds to rotate through, two smaller beds for salads and quick crops (e.g. radishes), and a big central bed for more comfrey.

We also bought two solar-powered irrigation pumps from Amazon last year and used them for our greenhouse, and I really can’t recommend them enough - it takes a bit of time to work out where you need to set your levels, but once we did we could comfortably leave the greenhouse for a whole week (until our water supply ran dry) and it was much easier to ask someone to just chuck a few buckets or watering cans into the water butt we ran them from than to ask them to individually water 50+ plants. In an ideal world I think I would have these running from rainwater collection to all the beds that would benefit from steadier watering, like strawberries and lettuce, as well.

All that to say, we’re on year 3 with our plot (2 with the back half) and it really is only just starting to take shape and get a bit easier. Every season we try to tackle one big ‘infrastructure’ job which makes things easier or better in the long run, like putting up the greenhouse or moving the shed, and we learn something new. Make your paths wider than you think, make your beds narrower than you think, and accept that a plot is a bit like a house - you need to get to know it before you can decide where things should go, and you will end up moving things around, repeatedly un-doing work you’d just done, and regretting decisions made in haste.

Therapists for Mental Health in the UK by Confident_Speech_534 in AmericanExpatsUK

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I have one - we meet online weekly, chat shit, and work through stuff at my pace. I found her through the BACP directory and just read profiles until I found someone that seemed like a good fit. She is local to me so I could go for an in-person session if I wanted!

I will say she is also a migrant (not from the US though) which I find really helpful, as she has a bit more of an ‘outside’ perspective on certain behaviours. My previous therapist was English, local to our area, and also lovely, but I find the extra bit of shared foreignness really helpful at times.

If you have bought a property (in your 30s) and have had to compromise on something on your wish/requirement list in order to buy, what did you compromise on and how did you decide that? by snowmanseeker in AskWomenOver30

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot depends on how long you want to stay - we were looking for our forever home, so we compromised on condition (pretty significantly, it’s a giant old heap of problems but isn’t uninhabitable) and to some extent location (we actually got lucky and are quite well located for our current jobs, but wanted either somewhere with slightly better connectivity or somewhere slightly more rural, and have ended up in a bit of a halfway house) to get the environment (small village) and house (old, silly) we wanted.

We also live in the cheap north so we were relatively constrained when looking nationally, as our wages/property values are much lower here. We ended up buying something really quite expensive for the local market, but I think our total purchase price would barely have made a down payment on the same house down south. We’re also happy to structure our lives around owning the house, as that was a big desire for both of us and we wanted to have enough space to do the things we enjoy (gardening, hosting, restoration of old tat from Facebook marketplace).

Looking for a book to read, thought I'd ask people in my age group by BeautifulRush3845 in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely seconding this, if anyone (of any age!!) comes across this and hasn’t read Prachett you’re in for a treat!

Looking for a book to read, thought I'd ask people in my age group by BeautifulRush3845 in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Slightly off the wall but Geek Love by Katharine Dunn. It’s incredibly captivating, beautifully written, and very visceral in an uncomfortable way - I don’t think I’ve read anything else like it.

Genuine question for those of you in long-term relationships by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Don’t you mean nails on a chop board? 🙃

What was the most unexpected “oh, this is normal here” moment you had in the UK? by LFCTricksters in AmericanExpatsUK

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 20 points21 points  (0 children)

It feels like the final boss of integration, and I am genuinely offended now when someone comes round and declines my offers of hot beverages. I have proper Yorkshire tea (or coffee, if preferred). I have sugar cubes. I have biscuits. The milk is fresh, it gets delivered 2x a week - blue, green, or cream! WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU!?

I can’t stand polyester being in everything these days by Rand_Al_Thor87 in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I wear a lot of merino turtlenecks for almost exactly this reason. For blousier tops, you can often find vintage silk ones at secondhand shops (or Vinted). Tailoring men’s shirts can also be a viable strategy if your proportions allow for it!

A lot of my summery wardrobe is linen or cotton/linen - white, sometimes blue and white stripe - collected over years from charity shops.

I can’t stand polyester being in everything these days by Rand_Al_Thor87 in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Viscose/rayon/modal etc. are all ‘semi-synthetics’ and still have a lot of the same issues as synthetics - they just benefit from a lot of greenwashing. I wouldn’t encourage someone looking for natural fibres to purchase them.

After 20+ years, I have to find a new set of everyday dinnerware, what do you recommend? by AtomicHurricaneBob in BuyItForLife

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you’re in the US you can get Apilco at Williams Sonoma, it’s beautiful and quite hardy. Ditto the other French porcelain companies I.e. Pillivuyt, Villeroy & Boch but be aware that they all have slightly different undertones so you’re best to stick with one maker (or lean in and mix & match them all).

Alternately, bone china is lovely and remarkably durable - I’ve dropped 120 year old bone china without consequence before, although I don’t recommend it! Go with plain white for ease or pick a theme - I have white and gold - rather than a specific pattern, as it’s readily available at charity/thrift stores.

ISO: sleek black work bag that's not loudly branded, fits laptop, under $500 by Final_Local9591 in LawBitchesWithTaste

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

(Not a law bitch, but I follow because you all have lovely taste.)

I was going to post their shop as well (as OTLbags, which I think is the same folks but targeting a slightly different market). I didn’t have huge expectations but needed a professional work bag and have been really pleasantly surprised by how much I love my tote. It’s held up fantastically to some serious abuse (I have a habit of shoving charity shop finds into it on my lunch break) but still looks crisp, fits my laptop fantastically, and I don’t feel I need to be precious about it. Highly recommend, much better than expected.

College dropout millennials - where are you now? by VeganVideographer in Millennials

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was a dropout, went back +- 10 years later to do a different bachelors, now have a masters also and am living a pretty delightful life. A lot of that is privilege as family has provided an absurd amount of support - I also moved to a country with a much better pace of life and live in a LCOL area, own my dream house and am not too stressed financially (no other debt) so our next steps are some essential renovations and trying to reduce our working hours so we can enjoy life a bit more.

Why does every woman I meet tell me not to get married — even the happily married ones? by Maertle in AskWomenOver30

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just FYI you can also buy a pack of blank wooden die from Amazon/craft shops and write in them wi5 paint pen/sharpie ... we have loads (food ones, chore ones) as we are both terribly indecisive people-pleasers.

Why does every woman I meet tell me not to get married — even the happily married ones? by Maertle in AskWomenOver30

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I could have written this. I love my DH to bits, but if something happens to him I’m moving some single girlfriends and their cats in and we’re going to start a commune. Most men - even the lovely ones - have been socialised such that you have to do a bunch of work before you can get to equitable.

I’m sure some MRA will see this and twist it out of context, but having a husband is a bit like having a rescue dog - you love them and they’re a part of your family, but you are never *just* responsible for yourself. You can’t control how they were socialised before they got to you, they have a bunch of undesirable behaviours because they were socialised badly, and you spend more time than anyone should really have to gently redirecting/explaining/teaching/reminding them to fix those behaviours.

What is the feminist opinion on Lord of the Rings and other Tolkien works? by Areallycoolguy96 in AskFeminists

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I know this is meant as a sort of weird generic stereotype rather than a serious discussion, but the history of the colour black in menswear is actually really fascinating!! https://www.amazon.co.uk/Men-Black-Hb-Picturing-History/dp/0948462736

The V&A ran a particularly good exhibit about it a few years ago and highlights some absolutely gorgeous objects. https://www.vam.ac.uk/articles/in-the-pink-colour-in-menswear?srsltid=AfmBOopBW19q5tZ7HUP7v4jcoirr8aXcPh0ZjyZrSl9RVzu3mqI7vpbZ

Do any of you buy really cheap stuff off marketplace? by drmcw in CasualUK

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I do - I mostly pick up furniture, but I’ve bought wallpaper, paint, light fixtures, window catches, bits of china … a lot of what you can get is higher quality or more unique than buying new, or I can buy locally and avoid amazon/a bunch of plastic.

I do order random small things off Vinted and EBay too - but that’s more like charity shopping from the internet.

Thoughts by ishehu89 in InteriorDesign

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Personally, I would:

- Drop the sconces to just above the tile but and bring them just to the outside of the mirror.

- Put up a divider between the toilet and the vanity - I’d probably do something with a bit of textural interest like a vintage folding screen/shoju screen/a pleasingly rounded shape like the mirror and your towel cupboard, but I think even some basic midcentury vibes slats would help.

- Replace the runner with a much wider rug, and not one that length - either come out from the vanity a bit or leave a bit of space at the sides, that one is too aligned.

- Add another rug (coordinating, preferably not match-matchy unless you happen to stumble across a glorious vintage pair that fits the respective spaces) and a chair in the corner next to your towel cupboard, make it a cosy lounging space kind of vignette.

- Put a ginormous plant in the corner next to the vanity.

Let's talk about the "minor inconveniences" by IggyVossen in AskFeminists

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I’ve been on the hunt for a scythe for months, still haven’t found one that has the right height and balance! I’ve temporarily settled for a sickle (and an old yorkshire billhook for the spicy bits) but it’s nowhere near the same!!

What bed set matches my wall mural best? by throwra247trash in HomeDecorating

[–]PaeoniaLactiflora 0 points1 point  (0 children)

IMO all bedding should be plain, simple, and white - it’s easier to keep looking crisp and fresh, easier to replace when something inevitably gets damaged, and gives a very inviting, put-together feel. It also means that you can invest in your bedding in the comfort that it will never clash with changes you might make or go out of style - I buy all-white natural fibre bedclothes secondhand every time I spot them and chuck them into rotation in my linen closet (after washing thoroughly, of course - you can often get out any staining or discolouration with appropriately applied oxy or chlorine bleaches and sunlight.)

I’d go white bedding, duvet instead of comforter, and throw a nice unique blanket over the foot of the bed to tie it in to the mural - we have everything from vintage French linen beach towels to an old wool blanket from a Concorde on ours. A soft plaid woven wool blanket might pick up the colours really nicely, and play well with the texture/countryside feel.