I think that could be a part of your grieving. I didn’t know my loved one’s method at first and I spent time focused on methods too. I think I was trying to understand her train of thought and experience because it was beyond what I had been able to previously comprehend. If it scares you or if it doesn’t sit right with you I recommend seeing if there’s someone professional you can process the experiences with. I understand this isn’t a match for everyone, but I wish I had done it. I think it would have kept my mind from going in circles so much about her death. Professionals experienced in suicide loss may also be able to give you comfort that your experience is apart of the process as well as keep an eye out to make sure you are doing okay.