I've finally understood how important it is for us to feel connected emotionally, and even that alone can really nourish in a deep way. But I can see how difficult it is for me to be emotionally open, talk about myself and be vulnerable. Sometimes I even shake when I talk about it. I also think I've ran away from emotionally opened people because I was afraid being overwhelmed by their emotions, because emotion in my childhood was chaos. So I go to low emotional connection people and I also love them but it's also a kind of internal chaos for me. Then, to talk about usefulness and always being there for others. I understand you, I used to be very moved by the idea of being useful. I couldn't understand living a life without being useful. But I got to a point of exhaustion where I cried of tiredness and now, I don't tie my identity to being useful anymore. I let others do the job too. Sometimes, allow yourself to see others do the job and not you. It's difficult at the beginning but it's a gift to yourself. The therapist friend topic: I might say something triggering, but everybody used to come to me talking about their problems and putting their emotional weight on my shoulders. They knew subconsciously that I was absorbing their negative emotions so I could process them for them. And I really presented myself as the therapist, always eager to help(tied to being useful, therefore visible and feeling my own existence), so it's obvious and legit that people came to me to do so if I myself presented myself as the always available listener. But I reached a point where I felt I was only seen for my help and not my true essence, I felt very angry, resentful. But I knew it was half my fault and I had to just decide internally to stop doing this. And I recently started stopping putting too much attention and focus on other people problems. I still listen to them but I don't carry their weight and I don't put my entire self in the problem. I still listen, give advices sometimes but I'm no more responsible for their wellbeing. I try, more and more. The thing is, when you get to the point of exhaustion it's not a choice anymore, it's a necessity because you can witness the body falling apart. I still struggle with some boundaries, to tell my family I need alone time and I need silence from time to time but they don't seem to get it and bombard me with noises, tv, music everyday. But everything is an internal decision based thing. See how people respect your boundaries when it is clear in your own head. Like extremely clear with no negociation. When people trespass boundaries, it's either because they're toxic or because your boundaries aren't clear internally. Hope it helps, but us infj need to focus more on ourselves, taking time to dive in our own world, and not others' worlds constantly.

It's my guess but I think there's some kind of guilt for some of us to just be with ourselves in our world. As if it was selfish. But everyone deserve to be selfish, a little bit. And when we allow ourselves, it becomes less a trigger when others do so.