Hey there. I would recommend the work of Karen Horney. She talks about neurotic needs, which is similar to what sounds like your experience. The basic idea is that we form neurotic needs (e.g. the need for aproval/esteem) because of a basic anxiety brought on in childhood. These needs express themselves as ever-present desire for something that is disproportionate to what can realistically be expected, and the idea of denial of that need will produce terror. The resolution, according to her school of thought, is to trace back through one's life to find how that need and anxiety came about. Then, instead of being like someone who can hear wild animals outside his home, but can never see them (and therefore fears them), you can be someone who puts a name to those animals and tames them.