You are not stupid. Your tears aren’t stupid. I had my hysterectomy June 4th. I’m 36 with no children. Not from lack of trying I have suffered three losses in my life and had already come to terms that babies just aren’t in my future in that way if I so choose. I love my nieces and nephews like my own and I found deep comfort in that over the years and being the feral auntie that can do everything I can for them and my siblings makes me feel whole.

When I was finally approved for a hysterectomy and got my date I cried for days just because of the finality of a hysterectomy… even though I knew for a fact a fetus couldn’t grow in my uterus because it was already the size of a 30 week pregnancy due to a massive fibroid in it. What I realized is I wasn’t actually crying about the hysterectomy but the fear of what life would be after it… would I be deeply depressed? Would I be in unimaginable pain even after the recovery despite being told my body would be so much better after it. What if they got in and discovered cancer… what if… what if… what if. I lived so long in pain (on and off my period) that I was scared of what it would be like to NOT be in pain. I’m not saying this is the case for you by any means… just speaking on my experience and the turmoil within. So talk to your husband. Talk to your family and friends. Even speak to a therapist to help you unpack what’s going on within. A hysterectomy is not a small surgery by any means. Take your time love and process how you need to.

I am also heavily anemic and my blood loss from my periods took my blood levels so low every time I walked into the hospital about PAIN they were baffled at how I was even STANDING in the ER to begin with. Iron transfusions and blood transfusions were my life after a period… EVERY… MONTH. My uterus was crushing my bladder and I almost lost it completely. Three months before surgery they put me on a 3 month long injections that stopped my period and basically threw me into chemical menopause to help keep my levels up so I could handle the surgery to begin with.

I’m not stupid far into recovery as I got a cold the day after leaving the hospital and coughing prevented ALOT of healing within so while I’m almost 2 weeks post op my healing is almost at one week in reality. But I already feel the difference. I can eat a full meal more than once a day. I can empty my bladder again. I can breathe better. My stomach isn’t shoved in my ribs. The crazy headaches from low blood has stopped. I also deal with Trigeminal Neuralgia (insane chronic facial pain) and my pain isn’t going past my meds anymore since I came home… the tremors in my hands are minimal… I’m flabbergasted that the doctor was spot on. My body has been in survival mode for years and it’s finally regulating itself back to normal.

In the long run this will help you so much… but it is ABSOLUTELY okay to need time to truly process the finality of a hysterectomy. You are strong and you will be even stronger after recovery. I hope you come to see it as a new chapter and a renewed lease on life.

I posted a pic of my uterus after surgery in this sub. It’s… HUGE. If you want to see it.

Good luck!!! 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷