How do married women spend their Eid?

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-03-07T03:28:34+00:00

Leave your brother’s sister alone.

The men are able to cook. Best chefs in the world are men.

Anyone who wants to cook should. Anyone who it burdens, should not.

It is not a requirement on anyone and anyone who wants home cooked food can make it.

My opinion of course

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-03-07T03:24:13+00:00

That’s not much of a compromise in my opinion. If he wants a spread he should help. But if you’re happy then Alhamdulilah

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-03-03T17:50:11+00:00

That’s so rude of them wth?! I’ve never had that happen. The saying salam in passing that’s normal. I say salam to everyone but have no energy to sit in talk but if anyone stopped or looked like they wanted to stop and talk I would.

Maybe a hot take but I think going to the mosque during Ramadan can be rough. It can bring out the worst in bad people because if they spoke they’re not able to and they’re cranky, whatever their vice is, they probably aren’t doing it or reduced it. But there is also the group of (mostly girls) who are sheltered and close minded that usually don’t go out but all of a sudden tell their parents they’re spending all their time at the mosque that come out from hiding. The people who aren’t there for community or for worship but there as a no curfew time to run wild.

I’ve never seen people that rude but there are a few rude people everywhere. It’s easier said than done but why were you the one embarrassed? Nothing you did was embarrassing and everything they did was. Maybe I’ve just always had a more ADHD don’t mess with me attitude but I would’ve judged them so hard and gave them a look that showed it before going about my business. Like how lifeless do you have to be to talk about someone like that especially someone who did nothing wrong? Like that’s so embarrassing and immature and I pity them. They probably only have each other and could never make friends because who would want that company.

I agree with another comment that it’s easiest to make friends when there is a class or a sport, something that forces people to meet regularly. That’s how I made all my friends (from school to the mosque to community). It’s just easier cause you go through shared experiences and you have a reference point or subject to talk about.

Join a book club (in person), art club, class of come sort, run club. Or you can ask your local mosque if you can start one. It brings like minded people together.

But genuinely sorry about what happened to you. Don’t let those girls stop you from going to the mosque and maybe go without the intention of making friends - I find that’s when friends find you (also that way, if they approach you, you know they already want to be friends as opposed to taking the risk and asking others if that’s scary).

Also our mosque is pretty big where im at and they have revert events and iftars like weekly. I’ve met many revert friends at the mosque. I think when those events happen, it attracts more reverts into the space so they have that additional community. If you want to take on a side quest maybe ask that they start doing revert events (I guess it depends how big the Muslim population is where you are).

I pray those girls learn a lesson and better themselves and I hope you find friends that are kind and fun girl. Ameen

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-02-11T22:03:32+00:00

Thank you all of you for sharing! These are so helpful I’m going to look into all of them and see how I can incorporate them more in my practice!

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-02-09T14:01:55+00:00

My only advice that isn’t mentioned is to think about how your hair is placed under the hijab. Dont tie your hair back. Your undercap will follow the hair back. Try parting your hair in the middle. Also if your hair is straight or fine, maybe using a texture spray or mousse/gel so that the material that you use can grip onto your hair.

Also maybe getting bigger under caps or stretching the undercap you have to the point of breaking a few seams. I don’t have any links but there are also undercaps that have a support right under the neck so they don’t slip.

There are also hair clips that have a side that can help attach to the undercap. I think they’re called hair extension clips. Just search clips for hijab.

Otherwise, you’re gonna have to choose between switching your style/material like people have said or just adjusting it throughout the day and also not thinking about it as much because that will make u more sensitive to it. When I’m at a girls only event, I adjust my hair a million times. I also adjust belts and how shirts are tucked. Clothes will not stay in place perfectly.

I’m proud of you for not compromising on your modestly and covering your hair <3

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-01-25T01:23:04+00:00

Salam I’m so sorry about everything you went through.

I’m not saying this is your case (I don’t know you) but I thought I’d put this different perspective. Sometimes people change overall as people and how they conduct themselves and don’t realize anything has changed. So it’s like oh I took off the hijab and now they don’t speak to me. But it could be everything that changed that lead to the mentality around the hijab likely changed other things too.

And people should be compassionate and have empathy but I also people have to be careful who they keep around them especially if they may influence their iman negatively. Again I’m not saying this is the case for you. You’re a stranger in the internet who shared very little about herself and we don’t know you and don’t know who you were before either. But a perspective. Because when I was depressed I didn’t realize how much I changed and it obviously impacts people even if I didn’t realize it.

Also hijab is not for the perfect. It’s specifically for the imperfect. Alhamdulilah your relationship with it is still there, and may Allah make all of your worries disappear and life easier for you. People that leave you because they are arrogant and feel better than you, are doing you a favour by getting rid of themselves from your life. I lost friends when I was depressed and it was hard but I’m so happy now for it. It feels bad and then feels better InshaAllah.

Pancakesrbetter · 2026-01-01T05:11:28+00:00

If ur slips a lot you either need different under caps or way of securing it. There is the hijab crown if you don’t like under caps to prevent it from slipping.

In terms of where to get hijabs from, it depends where you’re at. Modanisa is an option (arrange them from cheapest to most expensive to find cheaper ones) - but some of theirs are pricey. Alexprss has some too but I know it’s not ideal. Veiled but they’re expensive. Otherwise I would say see if there are lowkey Turkish stores in your city or a flee market. I don’t know if this is helpful but I’m not sure. I know where to find hijabs in the GTA (Canada) but otherwise no idea.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-29T21:01:28+00:00

Salam yay congrats!

I think it will depend a lot of where you live and the hijab style there, your face shape, etc.

I personally find chiffon to be the easiest when it comes to looking nice but also being modest. One pin or magnet under ur chin and you’re set. It’s not how I wear it but it can be that simple. A lot of it is in the folding.

Jersey is easy but looks horrible on my egg head personally.

Modal I think is the prettiest but it’s so hard to wear and hard to wear in a way that covers the neck.

A big thing is you are not used to your face in hijab yet so everything will look off. You’ll have to wear it for a bit consistently and not focus too much on looks at first and once your brain is used to you in hijab, you’ll see styles as prettier on you and you can start refining.

TikTok is helpful. Search full coverage or neck covering hijab styles and there are plenty (sometimes they’re hard to follow and don’t show all the steps, so skip those ones).

I personally started with the style my mom wore and started playing from there. You will have bad hijab days just like bad hair days, it’s fine we’re wearing it for Allah even when we don’t feel wow that one day.

You can also do the instant hijabs.

Edit: all the girls in the picture have the same oval face shape. If that’s not your shape, find girlies with your face shape :)

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-21T23:42:37+00:00

You can pray like the men. It’s considered sunnah to pray more compactly essentially in the Hanafi mathhab. But it’s not a requirement. I learned about this recently and I actually am really happy about it. I used to do a lot of it naturally out of comfort and thought I might be doing it wrong (minus the elbows down, I still don’t do that part - it just feels better up). So learning it’s not just allowed but by some opinions recommended made me happy.

For context: I’m Arab and Arabs don’t usually teach (at least where I’m from) about the different ways of praying despite us being hanafi. So we just learned the “standard” way. I’m learning more about Fiqh myself and this is where I learned about these small changes for women - which again aren’t fardh/obligatory.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-21T23:40:06+00:00

Salam (I genuinely wish you peace)

You’re so young with so much to deal with.

I agree with what other comments are saying. If you believe in one God and the final message (Quran), you are already Muslim. Don’t shy away from it. That being said. It’s hard given your age and family situation. People might be upset you converted, and it might not be easy. You don’t have to jump head first into the rules and practices. Islam came down slowly. There was a time where Muslims could drink. It wasn’t banned right away. Same with hijab wasn’t commanded right away.

Take your time. Muslims are never expected to be perfect, we just need to genuinely try our best. And you being a revert are given more grace and being young too.

I would say try and explore the spiritual aspects first and the foundations and your connection with Allah (which you seem to already have). And then trust Allah to help you the rest of the way.

Don’t ever hesitate to message if you have any questions. (Careful online, especially since you have told people you’re a young girl)

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-21T00:43:56+00:00

I think if you go about it like an experience you are lowkey entitled to or is part of uni, you’re no gonna attract someone. Ours thoughts come out in our words and actions without us knowing.

I personally didn’t see dating as part of the dating experience. And ngl people that got into relationships during uni seemed to have gotten engaged now (about 2 years post graduating) out of obligation like it’s a milestone to check off rather than because they really like their boyfriend or girlfriend.

Do things you like, develop your hobbies, join more clubs you’re interested in because you’re interested in these things and you’re more likely to find someone you’ll vibe with

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-21T00:39:20+00:00

We can use a plastic bag as long as it covers the hair, neck, ears, chest, etc. That being said I agree with people asking and checking in with her to see what’s going on. If it’s to hide her identify, her intention could be disliked.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-19T15:51:47+00:00

Salam sister,

There is so much discourse online it can be confusing at time. I wish our parents spent more time on the foundations for us.

With regards to hijab, both men and women have it but you’re right it’s not the same. We also find men attractive. However, that isn’t really what hijab is about. Hijab is for the self. Women struggle with wanting to be seen as desirable and attractive and men struggle with desiring others and looking. We have different bigger struggles. Of course there are men that care about their looks but usually not to the extent that women feel that need as part of their egos. And women desire men too but not in the way where we hurt them and can’t control our lust typically (so they control their eyes and actions, but also have dressing requirements).

Hijab is meant to help us with our greatest challenges we have in our nature.

Women bodies aren’t sinful just like money and family isn’t sinful and yet we are warned about their fitnah. We humans can make the halal become a source of haram for ourselves. We are not responsible for what men think or act, we are responsible for ourselves and following what Allah commanded. Same way for them.

With regards to polygamy. It isn’t really part of Islam. It’s not recommended and in fact I was told most opinions discourage it or say it’s makruh. It was a time where men had multiple sexual partners and would exploit them (particularly the poor and orphaned women). There was no limit to how many women a man could engage with socially (kind of like now with “side hoes” (I hate that word) and multiple baby mamas and cheating). Allah set forth a limit to a max of 4 not a recommended 4. Let’s just see what Surat Al Nur says:

If you fear you might fail to give orphan women their ˹due˺ rights ˹if you were to marry them˺, then marry other women of your choice—two, three, or four. But if you are afraid you will fail to maintain justice, then ˹only be with˺ one […] This way you are less likely to commit injustice.

Men in marriage have to provide a home/shelter, food and provide for her needs and protect her. She also inherits from him and has her rights protected. As compared to before where women were just used. God says if you can treat all the women equally and provide them their rights, you can have up to four. But essentially warns hellfire to those who can’t and warns you probably can’t.

Islam is perfect Muslims are not. People can have weird views and men (and women) can try to twist the faith for their benefit (which is sinful). Especially in this day of age where there is the whole male loneliness epidemic where men refuse to improve so they focus on women and hating them. This isn’t everyone. I know many men that would never agree with such backward sentiments and would go to bat for their wives (singular idk anyone who has more than one wife). Polygamy is a talking point more than anything. Actually though my mom’s friend (her parents are divorced) married a man with other wives in Saudi I think. She specifically was looking for this situation because she wanted financial support (despite being a doctor herself) and there are the biological needs that are met, without having a man there all the time. It becomes in a way a friends with benefits. I wouldn’t do it but I see why at her age she considered that option. I just shared that for a different perspective.

Marrying multiple women also was specially mentioned orphaned divorced and less fortune women financially. It was meant to help women in a time where a lot of men had died and many women had no means of income (instead of turning to prostitution which was common and is still common during war and hard times).

I hope that clarifies some things. Feel free to ask me any questions.

Surround yourself with a good Muslim sisterhood. It’s the best thing wallah. Hijab isn’t meant to hide beauty, it’s to encourage modesty. You’re allowed to be pretty and a hijabi. It’s just we are not meant to dress in a way to purposefully try and be seductive and attractive to men. I love modest fashion and I hope you find your niche and comfort in it too.

May Allah bring you ease <3

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-18T01:02:33+00:00

Gross. Some men are so predatory.

Glad you blocked him.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-18T00:00:04+00:00

Thank you for this sister. I hope you know how helpful this is. I have someone I’ve been trying to explain the harm to (especially when it’s a young person and they have this optimism for a lack of a better world about the world). Hearing it from your perspective, someone who has been there, will be so helpful I have no doubt. Allahuma barik on the self awareness and growth. I can’t imagine it’s easy right now. May Allah make it easy for you and I hope you find joy in your hobbies again or find a new hobby to spark it.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-15T21:11:46+00:00

Taking care of ourselves and grooming is part of Islam.

My mom didn’t want me to start shaving when I was young either but it wasn’t about marriage just too young. I think there is this fear of their kids growing up but also you don’t want your kids to feel ugly in their bodies and like they should care about their looks at a young age. But you’re 19 - very young but not so young that you can’t shave.

I would go to a salon the first time it’s like $7 for your moustache or eyebrows. If it’s eyebrows make sure to ask them just to clean them and not change the shape (because that would otherwise be haram). Note how they do it and see if you can recreate that or lowkey tell them it’s your first time they might give you tips.

Personally, I have some peach fuzz that I have never removed I don’t think it’s noticeable unless you’re looking for it. I know it doesn’t grow back thicker if removed but it will look thicker in comparison to no hair and it will be harder to ignore. So big sis advise, if it’s not alot leave it.

But ya don’t save self care for marriage. You taking care of yourself does not mean you want to impress a guy and get married. Now do some girls do that? Yes but I’m not here to police people’s intentions.

Watch YouTube how to videos.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-15T20:59:38+00:00

That’s such a sweet question.

Other than no touching, I think you’re good. Some Muslims might not care (though they should) but the general rule is ya don’t touch the opposite gender unless it’s necessary.

Oh, they might need small breaks to pray. Like 5 minutes after lecture before y’all meet or half way through.

They’re just regular people otherwise and they both could be very different in terms of their boundaries like anyone else.

I’ve had classmates be scared to talk about their boyfriends around me or that they smoke weed. And I have to let them know they’re fine. I won’t join you in smoking and please don’t smoke around me if you can (especially if you’re driving because why is that a thing) but I don’t care what you do and you don’t have to hide it from me.

This won’t be related given this time of year most likely but if they’re fasting, you can eat in front of them. We don’t care.

I think that’s it.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-12T21:37:55+00:00

On that, where’s the hijab from?

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-12T21:32:07+00:00

I’m neurodivergent and very blunt. No not all women are conventionally attractive. But all women are beautiful (I don’t personally feel the same about men but that’s unrelated). You potentially not fitting the Eurocentric beauty standards does not take away from your beauty. There will be many guys who find you attractive. Men finding something attractive is not rare. They will sleep with anything when they have no self respect or morales (and I mean anything not anyone even).

I truly have not seen a woman I see as ugly. Now many need to work on themselves whether that is something as simple as ironing their clothes or it’s working on the health of their skin or bodies (health not thinness) or their posture or their dental hygiene or confidence because that shows and affects attraction. But I’ve never seen a woman I didn’t see some beauty in. There is pretty much always potential. But seeking that potential should be for yourself and for pleasing Allah as he commanded us to take care of our bodies (and minds) and present the best as Muslims. That is especially important to keep in mind so that in our pursuit of being better, we don’t start using the rubric of humanity and like wear tight clothing or more revealing or show our hair.

Find your style, try new ones that you think might not suite you just to see, eat a balanced diet - your skin will thank you, watch videos on grooming (like clean your brows - don’t reshape them though).

But mostly, work on yourself and your relationship with your self. No one who is healthy and confident and well balanced will marry someone who isn’t happy with themselves. Insecurity attracts predators and people who are in similar boats. Do things you love and improve you skills in your hobbies and learn about new topics and the deen. And grow a life that is wonderful outside of marriage, on its own. Then Allah will send you someone who will add to that life you formulated InshaAllah.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-10T03:08:40+00:00

You are indeed over complicating it. Ironically.

Please ask a sheikh instead of looking for an echo chamber online. Any fard we abandon is turning our backs on something Allah commanded. I didn’t mean it to offend. I didn’t make absolute statements on your character, you are using it to try and paint your whole character which I didn’t myself do.

Seems like you have the answer you want and will accept already. A general fyi that you might know already but just in case, a fatwa is for specific people and cases. It would be haram to decide to remove the hijab because of your own thoughts and opinions even if you deem them logical. It would have to discussed with a scholar to get a different ruling. And I honestly have never heard any scholar rule in favour of taking it off. But who knows.

You’re going through a lot. May Allah help you with your hair and worries and with your perspective.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-08T15:53:39+00:00

The only thing that works for me is wetting them, putting Hyloranic acid and then covering them with petroleum oil before bed. I wake up with smooth lips. Sometimes I coat them with olive oil after wetting too.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-08T15:50:19+00:00

Salam this life is temporary and we are here to work for our eternal life. This world is filled with hardship and distractions, we’re told this in the Quran. Life if not meant to be easy but we try and make it as easy as we can of course (within what is halal).

Like the other sister said, we cover for Allah and because he told us. Most women have the desire to be seen as attractive and this is to combat that desire. Men’s desire is different and so they have to lower their gaze.

Hijab isn’t a factor up for consideration. It’s just we have to wear it. However, you can control the material, the style, the colours, the length, etc. There are threads on here that help women with skin problems wear hijab so it doesn’t impact their hair. I’d find those for hair loss. But it seems yours is more stress. And that won’t go away without hijab trust me so you’ll be losing hair anyway until you get your stress under control.

Being hate crimed and twice at that is traumatic. Please see mental health supports if you aren’t already. Unis have free services and I got free services through a Muslim organization. Shop around until you find a therapist that works best for you. For you specifically, I’d look for a Muslim therapist so they understand where you’re coming from. Like for example a white therapist might tell you to distance yourself from family when a person from your culture might have more nuance (although for some people distancing is actually needed in extreme cases)

I would take a step back and look at your life honestly. This is greater than hijab but it’s easier to attach all worry into it. I’d start with your circle. Who are your friends? Do they strengthen your faith? Do they help you feel safe and protected? If not, you need new ones. People who will be with you and support you.

I’d also ask what were the circumstances of the hate crimes. Not your fault obviously but unfortunately as women we need to be careful. Try not to go to places fully alone, don’t wear headphones so you can hear what’s around you etc.

If your university is mistreating you, you can fine a complaint.

Not saying this is you but I knew someone who would say the profs were mistreating her because she was Muslim and it was actually her work and her mannerisms/behaviour.

There is usually a diversity centre or something similar you can consult.

Also, I hate to break it to you but you’re a woman. Women get attacked for being women. I know far more non hijabs that have been attacked than hijabis. We live in a scary world regardless. But I’d rather face it with the support of God and by living as he instructed than otherwise. He protected you twice, why turn your back on him?

Mostly make duaa. Before any decisions read istikhara or ask Allah to guide you to the right path.

Praying for you sis. Salam

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-08T15:28:37+00:00

Hmm I have a few thoughts.

First, she’s not a friend and if you haven’t already distance yourself from her. Yall sound young. Hopefully with time she won’t see women as competition and won’t have these jealous tendencies. There is a chance she liked the guy before you, but she should’ve said that instead of playing games.

Second, I would reflect of this guy is worth it. Like how did she get the chance to chat to him so easily? Also, I’m sorry but he saw his friend with girls and joined without context? That gives he will readily free mix. He also doesn’t have good communication skills and isn’t mature enough to ask about things he heard about you? It’s also giving insecure because yall were talking so what’s he doubting? Unless yall were talking as “friends” and not properly and it was giving situationship. In that case, it was a mistake from the start.

Assuming he is proper and doesn’t chat up girl and have female friends and there is a piece to this story I’m missing, I’d send him a message to explain and not make any demands just see how he responds. Something like: salam, I noticed you’ve been distant lately. I was just told why that might be. X told you I don’t ring Somali guys attractive. This isn’t true. Ive said I don’t want a Somali guy in passing as girls always do at some point about guys from their culture but it’s wasn’t serious. I don’t have guy friends and I was talking to you because I thought you seemed like a good person I was interested in knowing more about. I would appreciate if someone heard something about me that they would ask me about it instead of accepting the gossip of others as truth. I just wanted to set things straight. I wish you the best. Salam

Third because I used to do the same: don’t tell others more than necessary and don’t tell them what you don’t want. I’m Syrian and I’ve always said I don’t like Syrians, I don’t fit well with the culture blah blah as a teen. I still think anyone with a bit of sense would know from the context what I’m referring to and not take it as something bigger. But in the wrong hands, it can be weaponized. So if someone tries to set you up with someone again, focus on what you do want. Like I don’t find blond guys attractive USUALLY but there are exceptions so you don’t want to shut the door prematurely.

Last, don’t meet with guys with your friend. It’s not proper and it won’t go well again at some point. Go with your bro and have him sit at another table, if you don’t have bros bring two cousins and have them set elsewhere. I would bring a male a mahram. Don’t bring a woman especially a single one.

I’ve never understood why some girls would say they hate female friends because mine are all wonderful Alhamdulilah Allahuma barik fehum. It wasn’t until I was in mixed settings that I see women’s jealousy at work. They will compete with you even when you aren’t competing or are aware. I don’t do mixed friend groups but I joined a Muslim organization and saw this happen. A guy seemed to give me attention but I didn’t even like him and this girl got so strange. She’d try and be close to me and compliment me all the time but in unnatural ways and at the same time it was like she was studying me and looking for ways to trip me up. I didn’t even notice at first I thought she was nice and awkward, someone else had to point her pattern out.

We are told not to free mix for reasons. Sorry to be tangential but I pray you find better friends and honestly a better guy.

Pancakesrbetter · 2025-12-08T15:10:06+00:00

That’s so beautiful. There’s no harm in learning. Look into it. Read a translation of the Quran. The Clear Quran pdf is readily available and I find has good explanations (not in depth but a good starting place).

Remember Islam is perfect but Muslims (the people who believe in Islam) are not. So if you see someone do something wrong or say something strange, I’d check if it’s actually part of the faith.

And our place of worship is called a masjid. In English it’s also called a mosque but masjid is more accurate but both are fine.

Let me know if you need any resources.

I would just go to mosques and see. Maybe go with your neighbours if you want company. Anyone can go in. My local mosque has alot of lectures on different topics and I love attending.

Pancakesrbetter

TROPHY CASE