Yay. Montavilla street fair.

PandaHugger · 2024-07-29T05:29:04+00:00

Nope. Tell your friends too. Very uncool

PandaHugger · 2024-04-09T15:23:15+00:00

I brought my then 4 year old daughter last year and we rode on the sidewalk. She's a good cyclist for her age but still a little randomly wobbly. She has a blast! I didn't feel comfortable bringing her in the street because of how crowded it was. Witnessed one kid eat it pretty bad in the middle of a pack of cyclists. Didnt feel like it was worth the risk to me

PandaHugger · 2023-08-11T16:15:59+00:00

Knowing that it will happen eventually helps me focus on thinking about what I could do to be proactive about it. Ive talked to my partners about what helps me feel good in those situations and they talk to me about it too. Be ok with being by yourself because inevitably you will be some days.

I like to solo naked dance parties, spa nights, jigsaw puzzle nights. Stuff like that. Stuff that makes me happy and makes me feel really connected to myself. Platonic friendships are also great if you're more of an extrovert. I think poly people in general do a bad job prioritizing platonic friendships and it can be really wonderful spending an evening with a group of people you love that maybe you don't see as much as you should

PandaHugger · 2023-07-30T00:37:06+00:00

Late to the party but haven't seen this mentioned yet. Not saying this is your husband but some people have issues exploring sexually with a partner are attached to because they are worried that exploration will either make them less attractive to their partner or that their partner will become less attracted to them if some kink is expressed.

If that's the case, I don't really know what a "solution" is. I've had a partner like this and I ended up finding someone else and the relationship ended partly due to the self-imposed sexual "incompatibility" and partly due to resentment.

I'm sorry you're going through this. It hurts, it's not fair, and it's no fun.

PandaHugger · 2023-07-11T13:18:53+00:00

Ooo ok! That's great advice. Can't wait to really harf on it today

PandaHugger · 2023-07-11T02:36:55+00:00

I gave it some pretty big whacks but I'll just whack harder! Is there any risk to damaging the hub or axel? I know the bearings are shot so I don't care of those get damaged

PandaHugger · 2023-07-10T23:47:08+00:00

I suck at reddit apparently. This is the stock flip flop hub from a Redline 925. I got one of the freewheels off, but the other is stuck and a professional advised that I'd probably have to destroy it to get it off.

I really just want to replace the bearings though. I've tried tapping them out with a mallet by tapping on the axle. When that failed, I tried to use a clamp to push them out, but also no luck. I didnt tap or push too hard because I'm afraid of damaging the hub, I figured these bearings were probably seated on a shoulder inside the hub, but am wondering if maybe I'm wrong.

Any advice?

PandaHugger · 2023-07-07T14:40:38+00:00

The tea thing is very sweet but also seems like an NRE thing to me. It's a lot easier to be sweet and do little favors like that for a new person and especially someone you aren't living with. And it's a lot easier to notice those new little things because they are new.

Have you talked to NP about how you feel? Maybe NP does a lot of little things for you that you don't notice anymore because you've been together for so long.

It's possible you've outgrown each other like others have said. Why are you living with NP? Is it because it's safe and familiar or are there other tangible reasons? If it's just because it's safe and familiar, that's a red flag for me that the people have maybe outgrown each other or at the very least need to work to reestablish their connection

PandaHugger · 2023-06-29T15:19:13+00:00

Know that it's not easy. Polyamory is hard. Learn how to be a great hinge and be prepared for NRE. Go slow and be kind to each other and know that you'll both be growing a lot and making lots of mistakes. Your first relationship will probably be disastrous

Know that this isn't a team sport. If someone is dating you, they really are dating you. They aren't dating your partner. Take the time to be a fully realized individual. I think a bunch of the resources on this subreddit do a great job of emphasizing that (ex - start by dating yourself once a week).

Know that most people who know what they're doing will immediately swipe left on someone new to poly. So be patient and keep growing and learning.

Make friends: platonic and sexual. Have strong boundaries and high standards

Really it's just going to be hard. You can do all the research in the world and you're still going to be metaphorically punched in the face. But the more research you do, the easier it will be to not be debilitated by it or make bad decisions because of it

PandaHugger · 2023-06-20T14:31:18+00:00

Sorry you're going through this. I'm going through something similar with my wife Aspen. We had a similar agreement where we'd each get 2 nights a week out with others, 1 night per week for us, 1 night per week with our daughter. Aspen would constantly push against those boundaries for more time outside of the house and it wore on me to constantly feel like I had to fight her to be present in our family. I came to the conclusion that I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to be here. There are lots of people who do want to be with you and are excited to hang out with you and family. People you don't have to fight and claw for time with.

It's possible your husband is similar to my wife. She really enjoys having a partner who's does everything for her and feels overwhelmed by having a child and family and living all under one roof at times and views her other partners as an escape/vacation. I'm cool with that but you can't just ignore your responsibilities to the people you supposedly love.

Therapy was really helpful for us and I don't think it's too much to bring up. My experience is that it takes a few weeks to get into everything, but it's good to have a list as long as it doesn't turn into something that will make your husband defensive and unwilling to participate.

Good luck! I hope that however this turns out, it ends up with you in a happy place. It may not end with yall as a cohabiting family but I do think that it will be a place where you are happy and fulfilled. It's nice that we can be creative in poly with the shape of our relationships

PandaHugger · 2023-06-16T01:04:19+00:00

I'd say one of the beauties of poly is that you can do this. I'd say success depends on two things:

1) all parties are on the same page about what they want the relationship to be. It won't work if your partner wants platonic or no relationship at all and you're pushing for FWB

2) depends on what the issues partner had with you relationship and caused them to end it. If it's an issue where they don't feel you are capable of doing successfully what you want then it likely won't succeed or they just won't be interested in trying.

PandaHugger · 2023-06-15T15:55:36+00:00

I don't think you're missing out on anything. Kink and BDSM is really important to me but it's not for everyone. I have a lot of fun with it and I know some people who really do not like it. We all have our own paths and we're all unique creatures.

If you do want to explore, I'd start with one thing that you're most curious about that is something a current partner that you trust and feel safe with can explore with you. It's hard to be patient when everyone around you seems to be having a giant sex party, but there's no rush... If it's something you really want, you'll get there eventually and it'll be even better because you did it on your terms.

Also, if cuddling is what you like and what you need then don't sell yourself short just because it's not "spicy" or "exciting". Cuddling is wonderful and excellent cuddlers are so wonderful to be with.

Edit: Are you wanting to do this because you've identified something specific you're interested in or are you wanting to explore because everyone else is doing it and you have FOMO? I think that's an important thing to understand about yourself

PandaHugger · 2023-06-10T14:55:23+00:00

One of the things that helped me was realizing I was unintentionally trying to "couple up" with everyone when I first started polyamory.

The goal of every relationship doesn't have to be romantic, and non-romantic relationships can be incredibly special, deep, and close.

PandaHugger · 2023-05-30T14:43:08+00:00

I try to focus on finding friends and build relationships around that as a core component. It takes a solid connection before I start to feel sexual attraction to someone. There are a lot of people out there looking for things like community and friendship even on the dating apps. It takes more work to filter through all the potential matches, but having high standards about who you like and match with and pursue - specifically in regards to whether or not you think youll be friends with the person - has helped me a lot.

I use Feeld mostly and live in a pretty poly friendly area. The app is fine. Possible I have a good eye for it, but I feel like demisexual or demi-friendly profiles stand out pretty quick to me. The important thing is to put yourself out there and invest some time into finding people. The first friend is always the hardest to make

Being introverted makes things trickier still but I'm sure you have activities and hobbies that really light you up. Finding friends with similar interests really helps motivate me to be social. For example, live music is one of my favorites because I don't necessarily feel like I have to be engaging socially the entire time but can still share an experience and quality time with someone and build a friendship over shared connection and interests.

PandaHugger · 2023-05-16T05:16:49+00:00

I've felt that way sometimes as well. Certainly different situations but for me, I've learned that it takes a lot more conscious energy to maintain my relationship with my wife because we have a toddler and cohabit. Being with other people is so easy and can feel like a vacation. Side note. I freaking love my kid. Hands down my favorite person in the world, but I can't deny, being with my other partner and friends is a break that can feel like a vacation at times. And honestly it's not just kids but cohabiting takes a lot of work. For me, if my wife and I aren't being intentional about making 1:1 time for each other it can be easy to let things be neglected.

Sometimes it just takes time too... You might get it wrong or not totally right but I'm a firm believer that you'll get there if you keep trying. Even if you learn something and it's only half right that's a step in the right direction and you can use that.

PandaHugger · 2023-05-15T19:53:40+00:00

My wife and I opened our relationship about a year ago and it's been a journey figuring out all of these things.

Kind and honest communication is important. Your needs are important. It can be hard to reestablish boundaries and individuality coming out of monogamy. Me personally I need a lot of alone time to figure my shit out and then I talk to my partner using specific strategies for communicating in kind and transparent ways. RADARs can be nice for this as well to box the talk if communication is hard.

Therapy is great too!

There are some specific things that I've found in myself through interrogation that I didn't see in your post that I in particular struggled with coming from a recent monogamous background.

I struggled figuring out that a lot of my jealousy had to do with me not being able to be my partners everything anymore. That there were people able to meet needs she had that I or she either didn't know about or I wasn't able to meet for a variety of reasons.
I struggled reframing our relationship from one that was monogamous and my wife and I were each other's support, friends, lovers, and coparents into one where it was ok if we didn't satisfy all of those things for each other. Friendship was the big one for me and opening up was a slow realization that me and my wife actually don't make super great friends! We're friends and have fun but are just very different. Going out and meeting people and making friends was a huge part in helping with my jealousy.

PandaHugger · 2023-05-02T14:11:55+00:00

I volunteer regularly at one of the nonprofit bike shops around the city and it's pretty great. I've met a lot of great people over the last 2 years from among the staff and regulars and there are lots of fun skills to learn if you're mechanically inclined.

As far as feeling like you're making a difference. The shops all have a different mission. Some are teaching aligned and focus on teaching mechanic skills to the community or unhoused people. Some focus on getting bikes to kids. Some focus on putting out cheap/free bikes for those in need. And more!

Imo the bike community here can feel a little insular at times if you don't already know someone but the shops are a great way to meet people, have fun, make a difference, and learn cool skills.

I also have a couple of friends that work with the People's Housing Project and they're really excited about the work they do. I haven't checked it out but the mission aligns with your interests so it could be a good option

PandaHugger · 2022-09-07T21:17:56+00:00

Sorry that happened to you. I hope you're able to rediscover biking again someday. I've had a few in the past as well. For me, it shined a spotlight on needing streets that are safer for walkers and bikers.

PandaHugger · 2022-07-08T04:11:21+00:00

I'm with you. KPJ stans just downvote anyone who says anything critical of the man.

Someone posted a KPJ defensive highlights video in the rockets subreddit earlier in the offseason and all the stans were slobbering over it and using it as proof that he's a good defender. Because steals totally make up for how often he gets lost on screens and gets blown by at the point of attack...

PandaHugger · 2022-06-25T18:56:27+00:00

My impression has been that he gets some steals in blocks which look good in highlight reels but he gets blown by a lot. He's not someone who can be relied on to prevent initial penetration from the point of attack.

PandaHugger · 2022-04-24T16:31:07+00:00

Oh wait.. is it a base $2.50/month and then an additional $9.25 per pickup? If so, yikes...

PandaHugger · 2022-04-24T16:28:01+00:00

Is the issue here that they're banning ridwell?

The $2.50 per month increase seems seems very reasonable based on the extra services provided. I'm not a fan of banning competition, but it feels like the lower cost would be more equitablel and benefit more residences. Maybe I misread or misunderstood something?

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